Talk:Premastication/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MasterOfHisOwnDomain (talk · contribs) 18:13, 15 February 2013 (UTC)

Further comments: The additions are very successful and substantial. But I have since discovered a few more things, so my initial impressions have been expanded upon. Even further comments: Recent additions are successful in remedying my concerns. A few more things:
 * "Culture" requires a new name so as to not be confused with "History and culture": possibly "In popular culture"? Or integrated with the aforementioned section, if appropriate. In addition to this, a quick Google search pulled up a vast number of different sources that offer perspectives on that event. Should reflect the scale of the response (i.e., it wasn't just the Daily Mail).
 * "Kiss precursor" could be integrated with (either under a seperate subheader or merged) "Behavioural roots"; they seem to be addressing roughly the same area. MasterOfHisOwnDomain (talk) 22:02, 15 February 2013 (UTC)
 * The lede of the article should not contain any original content, i.e., content which is not replicated in the main body of the article. From "Many Western societies ..." to "... foreign cultures." is not included in the "History and culture" section, which it should be.
 * Another issue with the lede is that it fails to summarise the main points of the article. I would suggest a format as in: define the term; it has behavioural roots; continues throughout human history to the present day; disputed health benefits and drawbacks. Just a sentence on each main header of the article really. MasterOfHisOwnDomain (talk) 12:06, 16 February 2013 (UTC)

Further edits to the article:
 * Lead paragraph no longer has content not included in main paragraph.
 * Article is now summerized to in the lead paragraph.
 * Our exchange in review of the article; the author respones and reviewer feedback, which was in User talk:MasterOfHisOwnDomain is reproduced in full below: Jeanpetr (talk) 15:23, 18 February 2013 (UTC)

Responses
I've made modifications in regards to your recommandations stated in Talk:Premastication:
 * 1) (Response to 1B)The bullets are removed and the text is now in paragraph form.
 * 2) (Response to 3A)Two new sections have been included to address the lack of info on animal origins/participation in premastication and also information on the human history of the practice. Note, for the latter there is very sparse information regarding this practice in reliable sources. Jeanpetr (talk) 21:19, 15 February 2013 (UTC)

More modifications: Tell me what you think Jeanpetr (talk) 00:36, 16 February 2013 (UTC)
 * 1) Kiss Precursor has now been moved into "Behavioural Roots" and modified accordingly
 * 2) Culture has been renamed "Popular culture" and 4 additional citations have been provided. I think the A. Silverstone's mention is sufficient as is. The 2 sentences in the section has been "extensively negotiated" to it's present form with another person. Jeanpetr (talk) 23:50, 15 February 2013 (UTC)
 * I've reformated several of the citations, the names of the journals were put as "publisher", which made them non-italisized.
 * Ref 27 and 22 have been fixed
 * For the punctuation at the end, I'm not sure I see any of the problems. Some of the citations end in a DOI ref, which makes it seem like it's ending in a comma. Is this what you mean?
 * For the book pages references. I'm doing it not from a literature citation background but rather from the engineering side which do not require page in citations. I will correct any that you point out.
 * The cavity inducing claim citation has been changed to not point to the correct article.
 * I have included the citation for of Aggett in the Health section, stating that this still an areas of active research and that there appears to be benefit, at least nutritionally, to the practice.
 * Lede adequately sums up the content and does not have content not replicated in the body of the text. I will check everything, but I think that may conclude my concerns about the article, and it might be ready to pass GAN. MasterOfHisOwnDomain (talk) 16:45, 18 February 2013 (UTC)