Talk:Premier Health Miami Valley Hospital South/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)


 * I propose to take on this review and will be looking in detail at the article shortly. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

First reading

 * In the infobox, it would be better to have a properly formatted reference for the hospital's website as in this article
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "... a full service hospital with a physician office building ..." - I'm from the UK and am ignorant of US hospitals. What is a "physician office building"?
 * Reworded. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "... features a number of specialty care options including an oncology center, cardiology, sports medicine, and maternity care to cater to the suburban community surrounding the hospital." - If you say "oncology center" you need to use a similar structure for the other care options (department, facility, center or whatever).
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The first sentence in the History section is too long and needs to be split up.
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The first sentence in the second paragraph of the History section is also too long.
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "... consumer demand for care in a single facility and without transferring to other hospitals." - Maybe "... without the need to transfer to other hospitals."
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The sentence starting "In late 2010, to add..." does not have a verb.
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "A $20,000,000 comprehensive cancer care center was also added along with a physician office building was added as well." and this sentence has too many!
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "It saw admittance to its emergency room ..." - To what does "It" refer here?
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The word "facility" is overused in the last paragraph of the History section.
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I'll stop there for now and will look at the rest of the article tomorrow. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 20:01, 20 June 2013 (UTC)


 * The first paragraph of the Services section uses the word "services" too often, three times in the first sentence for example. Can you replace some of them?
 * Fixed. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * It is also rather jargon-laden. What does "a full-service food facility" mean?
 * Reworked. — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "When it opened, Miami Valley Hospital specialty services for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer were moved to Miami Valley Hospital South." - this is somewhat ambiguous,and "it" could be taken to refer to Miami Valley Hospital rather than the new hospital. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 17:55, 21 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Fixed. I think that's everything. Thanks for your review! — Ed! (talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * That reads better! It would be nice to have an image of the hospital. Can you find anything? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:54, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Nothing with copyright requirements that could get it to upload, but the next time I'm near the hospital I plan to snap a photo. — Ed! (talk) 13:08, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Would you prefer me to bring this review to a conclusion in this WikiCup round or the next? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 13:34, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
 * This one is fine. Appreciate you asking, though. — Ed! (talk) 14:39, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

GA Criteria

 * 1a The article is well written.
 * 1b The article conforms with the MOS guidelines for layout, lead, section headings etc.
 * 2a&b The article is well referenced and has inline citations for all contentious statements.
 * 2c There is no original research as far as I can see.
 * 3a&b The coverage is broad enough and the article does not include irrelevant material.
 * 4 The article is neutral.
 * 5 The article has been much expanded in the last week by the nominator and nobody else has edited it recently.
 * 6 & 7 There are no images at the moment. The nominator hopes to add one soon but article is acceptable without any.


 * Overall assessment - Pass.