Talk:Pretty Girl Rock/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Crisco 1492 (talk · contribs) 23:55, 7 December 2011 (UTC)


 * I have quite honestly never heard of the artist, so you will get a truly neutral opinion. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:55, 7 December 2011 (UTC)

Comments
I've done a couple minor fixes, but there are some suggestions below.
 * 1A


 * Lead
 * "Critical reception towards the song was generally mixed to positive." -- Probably should get rid of generally.
 * "However, the song's lyrics were met with mixed reaction." -- We shouldn't repeat "mixed" so soon. How about "However, critics were of disparate opinions on the song's lyrics" or "However, critics were divided regarding the song's lyrics."
 * "An accompanying music video for the song was directed by Joseph Kahn and features Hilson portraying an array of African American female icons of the past, including Josephine Baker, Dorothy Dandridge, The Andrews Sisters, Diana Ross, Donna Summer, Janet Jackson and TLC" -- I thought she portrayed T-Boz and not all of TLC
 * Standardize if you put the title of awards in single quotation marks or not.
 * In or on a TV show? I seem to recall "on Letterman", "on Lost", etc. being more common.
 * ✅ Oz   talk  02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Background
 * Formerly or originally titled "Pretty Girls"? To me, formerly implies that it was released under the name. Perhaps (titled "Pretty Girls" during production) or something similar.
 * "The song was first debuted by Hilson at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010." -- Perhaps go with the active voice? "Hilson debuted the song at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010." or "The song made its debut at the Beats By Dr. Dre concert in New York City on September 29, 2010."
 * ""Pretty Girl Rock" premiered online on October 4, ..." -- Perhaps add 2010, as this is a new paragraph.
 * ✅ Oz   talk  02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Critical reception
 * ""a lighter-than-air jump-rope rhyme about how hot she [Keri] is."" -- Wouldn't it just be better to write ""a lighter-than-air jump-rope rhyme about how hot [Keri] is.""?
 * ""four minutes of schoolyard singsong about her [Keri's] fabulousness."" -- Same thing, ""four minutes of schoolyard singsong about [Keri's] fabulousness.""
 * ✅ Oz   talk  00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Music video
 * "Hilson told Kahn that she did not want the video to be about her, since she felt that the song was very much about herself." -- Perhaps "Hilson told Kahn that she did not want the video to be about her, since she felt that the song was already very much about herself."
 * ✅ Oz   talk  00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Remixes
 * "Jessica Letkemann of Billboard magazine wrote that the band performed "the super self-assured R&B strut of Keri Hilson's 'Pretty Girl Rock' into a sweet, poppy acoustic rock bounce."" -- I don't think you can 'perform' something into something else. Perhaps "Jessica Letkemann of Billboard magazine wrote that the band transformed "the super self-assured R&B strut of Keri Hilson's 'Pretty Girl Rock' into a sweet, poppy acoustic rock bounce.""
 * ✅ Oz   talk  00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * 3B
 * What are the standards for writing about costumes? I've noticed that the ones on Rihanna's songs tend to have information on what she was wearing, but it seems that it is much more prevalent in this article.
 * It gives readers a further description of her performances. Most GA articles would have it as well. Oz   talk  00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * 6A
 * File:Janet Jackson.jpg (the source of your derivative montage) should have better crediting. The source is Flickr, not Jackson. Other than that, the images seem to check out.
 * ✅ Oz   talk  00:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * I have to go out for breakfast, so I'm not done yet. Almost though! Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:26, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Alright, this is mostly done. I still want to do a paraphrasing and DAB check later. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:15, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * The Rianz reference is down. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:27, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * The NZ Singles Chart archives are not working at the moment, should I add the Citation needed template instead? Oz   talk  02:35, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * It would keep this on hold; hiding the information cited to the reference would allow it to pass until the archives are working or another reference can be found. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:40, 8 December 2011 (UTC)


 * Paraphrasing:
 * 1 - Perhaps another way to say "came up with"?
 * 2 - Fine, although "came up with" is there again.
 * 3 - Fine
 * 4 -- Seems fine; I can't think of another way to describe the outfit.
 * 5 -- Fine
 * 6


 * Okay, that's it. Just a bit of paraphrasing (barely anything) and the dead link. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:40, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅ Oz   talk  03:37, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * That's it, I'm happy to pass this as a GA. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:45, 8 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Oz   talk  03:52, 8 December 2011 (UTC)