Talk:Prince Parnaoz of Georgia/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MPJ-DK (talk · contribs) 16:37, 7 March 2016 (UTC)

Full disclosure: I am a WIki Cup and GA Cup participant, I have my own GANs (CMLL World Tag Team Championship and CMLL World Welterweight Championship) and I also have a Feature Article (CMLL World Heavyweight Championship) and Feature List (Mexican National Light Heavyweight Championship) candidates in need of input. Not that it's a factor in my review but it would be appreciated.

I am aware that there is a topic ban for the nominator but I figure if I do the review perhaps other wikipedias will pick it up and get issues resolved. At least we've tried. I am about to start my review of this article, normally I provide my input in bits and pieces over a day or two so expect running updates for a while.  MPJ  -US 16:37, 7 March 2016 (UTC)

GA Toolbox
I like to get this checked out first, I have found issues using this that has led to quick fails so it's important this passes muster.


 * Peer Review
 * Having verified the results I am satisified that the tool did not uncover any problems. ✅


 * Copyright violations Tool


 * Disambiguation links
 * No issues detected ✅


 * External links
 * No issues detected ✅

Well Written

 * Why do I have to read the non-English portion of the article to learn that his birth name was "Parnaoz Irakliyevich Gruzinsky"?
 * So this article suffers from what a lot of articles suffer from, they tread the lead as part of the article, assuming facts listed in the lead does not have to be repeated. The main article jumps straight to his involvement in politics, past anything that happened before.


 * Involvement in civil unrest
 * "George reversed the rule of succession approved in 1791 by Heraclius under the influence of Queen Darejan, requiring the king's successor to pass the throne not to his offspring, but to his eldest brother.", unnecessarily clumsy and complicated.
 * "Instead, the new monarch, having renewed quest for Russian protection, obtained from Paul I of Russia recognition of his son, David, as heir-apparent on 18 April 1799." again over complicated, squishing several things into one sentence.
 * "the characteristics of a military conflict", then it probably was a miliary conflict?
 * "the king" = "the King"
 * Bellicose? Don't use a term we need to google unless you wikilink it.


 * Anti-Russian rebel
 * "After the death of George XII in December 1800 the" needs a comma after 1800
 * "In April 1801" needs a comma after 1801
 * "After a series of attempts to induce the Georgians to rise against the Russian rule, Iulon and Parnaoz eventually crossed, in June 1804, into Kartli, where the Georgian and Ossetian peasants had revolted."  should probably start with "In June 1804" and it's the sentence structure is kinda poor.
 * "Parnaoz, with his 30 followers", would indicate he only ever had 30 followers? do you mean "with 30 of his followers"?
 * "Parnaoz, with his 30 followers, including the young prince Alexander Chavchavadze, the future poet and general of the Russian army,[10] attempted to fight his way to Erivan, but was apprehended in October 1804, while fording the Kura at Demurchasaly, some 43 km south of Tbilisi, by a Russian "flying detachment" commanded by his wife's relative, Brigadier Prince Tamaz Orbeliani.[9]" long and has various unnecesasry side comments.


 * Life in Russia
 * "translating into Georgian the works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau." should be "translating the works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau into Georgian."
 * "best known" should be "best-known"


 * Family
 * "She died very young" should be "She died at a young age"

Sources/verifiable

 * Looks to be okay ✅

Broad in coverage

 * ish.. jumps past his life until his political involvement.

Stable

 * Yes it is ✅

Illustrated / Images

 * Images need alt text
 * "Prince Parnaoz of Georgia (cropped).JPG" needs a U.S. Public Domain tag added to the image page
 * "Anna, wife of Prince Parnaoz of Georgia (cropped).JPG" needs a U.S. Public Domain tag added to the image page
 * Issues to address ❌

General

 * Lead is too short, GAs of this size should strive to hit the upper limit of 2 paragraphs instead of just one. Please expand.
 * Is there not an appropriate info box that can be added?

This has some issues, although not insurmountable ones. I am placing this on hold for 7 days to allow for improvements to be made. Let me know if there are any questions.  MPJ  -US 23:42, 7 March 2016 (UTC)

No activity for 7 days, failed.  MPJ  -US 11:07, 14 March 2016 (UTC)