Talk:Proseminar in Homophile Studies/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 22:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

I can take a look at this! —  Ghost River  22:15, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

Lede

 * "Fall semester" "fall semester"
 * done


 * "It became a visible target" for what?
 * for politics as suggested by the following clause, but reworded

Background

 * WL University of Nebraska–Lincoln in the body as well as the lede
 * done


 * close paraphrasing with director of the clinical training program in psychology, needs some slight rewording per WP:LIMITED
 * reworded


 * "he was listed" "Crompton was listed"
 * done


 * Pipe "gay rights" to LGBT movement
 * Gay rights is not a movement. But if I understand your point correctly (homophile movement maps onto the LGBT movement), these are not the same thing and it is anachronistic. The homophile movement -- a term that Crompton continued to use despite it falling out of favor for gay -- was concerned largely with gay men of a particular political persuasion (conservative), with lesbians and bisexuals on the periphery of the movement (if at all), and trans people not discussed. I'll do this if you insist but it feels quite out of place in the context of the article.


 * A source should be included directly after the quote "procedure involved in the homophile course", per WP:INTEGRITY
 * done


 * "Apparently" "Per Milan Wall of the Lincoln Star,"
 * done with amendment (jargon)


 * "requested that control of the course"
 * this is a bridge verb so it is grammatically correct, but amended. see articles like - this might ultimately be an ENGVAR or individual speaker difference


 * "said it would be seriously considered" "said the request would be seriously considered"
 * done with amendment to remove the word "request(ed)" from being in the same sentence twice


 * "department with Cole as its coordinator" "department, with Cole acting as its coordinator"
 * done


 * "the course's purpose is" "the purpose of the course was"
 * done


 * "including through" "through use of"
 * done

Political reactions

 * The course was controversial. Expand on this just in the topic sentence: controversial among whom?
 * done


 * said it was "not necessary" Clarify that the course was not necessary, not interfering with the course
 * done


 * Add (NIMH) acronym after the full sentence
 * why? the acronym is never used in the article


 * "senator" should be capitalized when referring to an individual
 * WL Terry Carpenter
 * done


 * "suggesting that the hearing"
 * bridge verb but done


 * "On the final day of hearings"
 * done


 * "in addition to introducing" "and would additionally introduce"
 * done with amendment (do not like adverbs)


 * "approval and prohibit" "approval, as well as prohibit"
 * I do not like this comma so I have clarified (what I believe you intended this to do) another way.


 * "not only suit for study" "not only suitable for study"
 * done

Aftermath

 * "before the legislature" "before legislature" OR "before the state legislature"
 * I think this is obvious from context - the previous section's last paragraph is about his testimony at the state legislature. The first suggestion is not how the legislature is referred to in Nebraska (I have never heard omission of "the"). The second one is redundant.


 * "Two other bills by Terry" "Two other bills by Carpenter"
 * done


 * Pipe "student newspaper" to The Daily Nebraskan
 * done

General comments

 * One photo, properly licensed and relevant to the article
 * It's quite amazing that a Wikimedian was able to photograph Crompton while alive, and so close to the date of the course, offering it to us to use!!


 * No stability concerns in the revision history
 * Earwig score looks good at 14.5%

Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments. Feel free to ping me with questions. —  Ghost River  22:36, 9 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Done most of the above; explained what I did not do, or what I did differently than suggested. Urve (talk) 06:30, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Two more comments:


 * I am asking you to add the link to LGBT movement because Gay rights redirects to LGBT rights by country or territory. The article on LGBT movements covers historical ones as well as contemporary, and has an entire subhead devoted to the Homophile movement, so I do not believe it is anachronistic.
 * The discrepancy between "before legislature" and "before the legislature" appears to be done state by state. Pennsylvania exclusively uses the phrase "before legislature", hence my assumption that that was the universally proper terminology. My apologies. —  Ghost River  22:23, 12 September 2021 (UTC)


 * No worries at all, my friend. Thanks for the explanation. I'll think about the gay rights issue. As for legislature, that's very interesting. Pennsylvania must be like the UK - an act of Parliament, not the Parliament, etc. Appreciate your time! Urve (talk) 00:50, 13 September 2021 (UTC)