Talk:Public Strain/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

A review of this coming later on today! --K. Peake 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * September 28 is not sourced as the exact release date anywhere in the body
 * Added ref in release section


 * "and final album" → "and final studio album"
 * Done


 * The production part should be in the recording sentence instead
 * See below


 * "on September 28, 2010, on" → "on September 28, 2010, via" but again, the exact release date is not sourced
 * Done


 * Remove VanGaalen's label introduction because this is not needed in the lead when it's in the body already
 * Done


 * "Public Strain was recorded during a" → "The album was recorded during a"
 * done


 * "8-month recording process" the body seems to source around 10 months, not eight
 * Added efn


 * Regarding the production merger, do something like adding a semi-colon then write "produced by Chad VanGaalen."
 * Now it's: "The album was produced by Chad VanGaalen and recorded during a period of isolation for the band..."


 * "It is noted for its key and time signature changes," → "It has been noted for the key changes and vocal delivery," or something else notable per only one song having the signature mentioned, with the target
 * done


 * "and post-punk genre." → "and numerous genres including post-punk."
 * Done


 * Remove late artist intro to Ray Johnson per the body being sufficient
 * Done


 * "are described as" → "were described as"
 * Done


 * Pipe harmonizing to Harmonization
 * Done


 * "The instrumentation on the album is" → "The instrumentation is"
 * Done


 * No feedback is sourced in the body and only one song is mentioned as featured reverberation, so reword or source more info
 * Just reworded


 * "The tour for the album would" → "An accompanying tour would"
 * Done


 * "lead to the band's disbanding" → "lead to Women's disbanding"
 * Done


 * It needs to be mentioned directly in the body that the album failed to chart, rather than just no positions listed
 * I can't find a source that says that the album failed to chart explicitly, but the album never charted other than in the earshot chart. Should I just remove this?
 * I would suggest so, as everything in the leads needs to be written out in the body and the !earshot chart is not notable. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
 * There we go


 * "have labeled the album" → "have labeled Public Strain"
 * done


 * "Eyesore" being retrospectively praised is not backed up in the body
 * Moved part in music section to legacy section, hopefully that is sufficient
 * Yeah, this should do it. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)


 * "Public Strain has received" → "the album has received
 * Done


 * The impact is sourced in the body, but it being on indie artists and mentioned by personnel/recording is not
 * Added more info in legacy section
 * Does not appear to have any mention of indie artists, even if you have added VanGallen for the latter part. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I clarified this a bit. Does this read fine now?

Background and recording

 * Wikilink Chad VanGaalen on the img text
 * Done


 * Mention the name of their debut studio album
 * Done


 * "the band members lived" → "the members lived"
 * Done


 * Pipe jam to Jam session
 * Done


 * The name of the studio space is not mentioned by the source
 * Whoops. Cite added


 * "which led to the band" → "which led to them"
 * Done


 * "as a "slog," but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as the band's first record." → "as a "slog", but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as Women." per MOS:QUOTE
 * Done


 * "acknowledged the band's influence" → "acknowledged Women's influence"
 * Done


 * [4] should be solely at the end of the para per it being used for the last two sentences
 * Done


 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on India
 * Done


 * "the album varies with" → "Public Strain varies with"
 * Done


 * "that the band members would" → "that the band members did"
 * Done


 * Add the interview source to the quote to avoid OR
 * Done


 * "Most of the album was" → "Most of Public Strain was"
 * Done


 * "on the bands intended sound," → "of Women's intended sound,"
 * Done


 * "growing incredibly paranoid."" should only have the punctuation inside speech marks if it is the end of a full sentence quoted
 * Done


 * Wikilink Flemish Eye and mention it being VanGaalen's label here
 * Done


 * "for creating the album." → "for creating Public Strain."
 * Done


 * Wikilink Nintendo
 * Done


 * Wikilink cassette tape
 * Done

Music and lyrics

 * Wikilink The Velvet Underground on the img text
 * Done


 * [9] should be only invoked once in the first sentence; do this after the second genre it sources
 * done


 * "shows more pop influences than the band's debut album." → "showcases more pop influences than Women." with the pipe
 * done


 * "The album opens with" → "It begins with" also, remove the comma from inside the song title speech marks
 * Done


 * Pipe key to Key (music)
 * Done


 * Wikilink time signature
 * Done


 * "is noted for its minimal use" → "was noted for a minimal use" plus mention the feedback in this sentence and change 60s to 1960s
 * Done
 * You missed the initial point and the extra parts --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
 * W h o o p s. Done


 * Pipe ballad to Sentimental ballad
 * Done


 * "to the album's tenth track" → "to Public Strain's tenth track"
 * Done


 * The first quote about "Venice Lockjaw" is not sourced
 * Done


 * "to woo the stars."" → "to woo the stars"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * Done


 * Remove the comma from inside "Bells", also the integral description is unsourced
 * Somehow I switched the refs up, fixed


 * "style drive a listener" → "style drive listeners" but the quote is not sourced and move the punctuation outside speech marks
 * Ref added, fixed


 * "is considered to be" → "has been considered to be"
 * Done


 * "noisiest tracks on the album," → "noisiest tracks on Public Strain," but where is the noisiest part sourced?
 * Done, source added


 * The "brilliant climax" part is not sourced, also this is not neutral for music and lyrics
 * Just removed that part


 * [16][17] should solely be at the end of the sentence
 * Done


 * "wide melodic intervals."" → "wide melodic intervals"."
 * Done


 * "only single off of the album;" → "only single from Public Strain;"
 * Done


 * "their swan song."" → "their swan song"."
 * Done


 * ""Eyesore" is one of" → "The track is one of"
 * Done


 * "The album is noted for its evocative," → "Public Strain is noted for evocative,"
 * Done


 * "between Patrick and Matthew Flegel," → "between Patrick and Matt Flegel,"
 * Done


 * "The album cover was" → "The cover art was" to be less repetitive
 * Done


 * "of the town where Johnson lived in," → "of the town where Johnson lived,"
 * Done


 * "was also referenced on" → "was previously referenced on"
 * Done

Release

 * The releases are not sourced, also can you find an exact date like you've wrote in the beginning of the article?
 * Done...hopefully
 * This should work, I suppose. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Pipe !earshot to Exclaim!
 * done


 * "3-month fall tour" → "three-month fall tour" per MOS:NUM
 * done


 * "and the band's label Flemish Eye stated that the band" → "and Flemish Eye stated that Women"
 * done


 * "in the same year after" → "in October 2010 after"
 * done


 * Why no mention of the "Eyesore" single release here?
 * Brief mention added, but there is a surprising lack of information

Reception

 * Pipe The Boston Phoenix to The Phoenix (newspaper)
 * Done


 * "Sputnikmusic juxtaposed the band" → "Sputnikmusic reviewer Electric City juxtaposed Women"
 * Done


 * "with reviewer Electric City writing that "[i]n the" → "writing: "In the"
 * Done


 * Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences
 * "Chris Buckle, writing for" → "Chris Buckle, for"
 * Done


 * "writing for PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the bands" → "at PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the band's"
 * Done


 * "writing for No Ripcord," → "for No Ripcord" and remove the independent introduction here, also doesn't this contradict the widespread acclaim statement at the start? If so, I would suggest altering that part.
 * Done. I'm not sure since while some reviewers were more qualified, this is the sole negative review I could find (also see the Metacritic and ADM refs)


 * The Velvet Underground → the Velvet Underground per MOS:THEMUSIC
 * Done


 * "placed it at" → "placed the album at"
 * Done


 * "of the BBC called it" → "of BBC called Public Strain" with the wikilink
 * Done

Legacy and influence

 * "The album is widely considered" → "It is widely considered"
 * Done


 * "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked it the 3rd" → "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked Public Strain the third" per MOS:NUM
 * Done


 * Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences
 * Done...again, hopefully


 * "ranked it the" → "ranked the album the"
 * done


 * "of the decade respectively." → "of the decade, respectively."
 * done


 * "called the album a" → "called Public Strain a"
 * Done


 * Pipe cult classic to Cult following
 * Done


 * Remove wikilink on the Velvet Underground
 * Done


 * Remove or replace Medium per WP:MEDIUM
 * Removed


 * "named it one" → "named Public Strain one"
 * Done


 * Remove wikilink on Flemish Eye
 * Done


 * "that had released the album" → "that had released Public Strain"
 * Done

Track listing

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * Done

Personnel

 * Wikilink Chad VanGaalen and mention him being producer too
 * Done

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; quite a lengthy review this one! --K. Peake 14:38, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I'm gonna save here--feel free to look through my changes, and I'll finish this up in a bit DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 18:23, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I've responded to everything above. I think this only needs a tad more work but we'll see. If you need me to clarify something further, I am happy to! DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 23:50, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
 * It is applaudable that you responded so quickly and I have done some copy editing myself in minor areas, but there are still some unresolved issues that I pointed out above. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)
 * , I really should've double checked and brought all of the advice from my last GAN to here. But here we are. Addressed everything above. DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 01:39, 1 February 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ time, no problems are remaining now! --K. Peake 08:19, 1 February 2022 (UTC)