Talk:Qalaherriaq/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 23:40, 14 January 2024 (UTC)

I'll get to this in the next day or so. Ealdgyth (talk) 23:40, 14 January 2024 (UTC)
 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (inline citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * I randomly googled three phrases and only turned up Wikipedia mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no sign of copyright violation.
 * Spotchecks:
 * "He had a younger sister, alongside possibly another younger sibling, both of unknown name" is sourced to Hovik p. 991 which supports the information (although the bit about there being for sure one younger sister is actually on page 990)
 * Made sure this says 990-991 now. -G
 * "before his baptism in 1853 as Erasmus Augustine Kallihirua. Other spellings of his name include Caloosa, Calahierna, Kalersik, Ka’le’sik, Qalaseq, and Kalesing" is sourced to Hovik pp. 976-977 which supports the information.
 * "At some point while in England, he sat for a life-size double portrait by an unknown artist, which some decades later was donated for display at the Royal Navy College in Greenwich" is sourced to Hovik p. 982 ... this information is actually supported by p. 981, not 982.
 * Ope, fixed this. - G
 * "On August 12, 1850, the brigs HMS Lady Franklin and HMS Sophia, under the command of whaler and explorer William Penny, reached the coast of Cape York. Upon sighting an approaching Inughuit kayak, the Sophia anchored. The three men aboard the kayak were invited on deck to meet with Penny's interpreter, Johan Carl Petersen, a Dane from Upernavik. Petersen inquired for information relating to Franklin's expedition, but the relatively large number of European ships previously sighted in the region, coupled with the Inughuit's great excitement aboard the vessel resulted in no useful information, and the Inughuit returned to shore" is sourced to Martin pp. 3-4 which supports the information.
 * "Qalaherriaq was described in Ommanney's diary as readily volunteering to go with the expedition, without even returning to camp to gather his possessions. Later British sources state that he was fully ready to "remain under the captain’s own personal care, and be with him always", and that he had stoically accepted his role as an interpreter due to a lack of surviving family; however, this account has been heavily disputed by later scholarship." is sourced to Martin pp. 6-8 which supports the information.
 * Lead:
 * "studied English and Christian teachings for several years" can we find another word instead of Christian teachings? Maybe "studied English and Christianity" or perhaps "was instructed in Christianity and English"?
 * "English and Christianity" sounds like good phrasing to me. - G
 * "He was appointed by the Bishop of Newfoundland Edward Feild to accompany him on religious missions to the Inuit of Labrador." Perhaps "He accompanied the Bishop of Newfoundland Edward Feild on religious missions to the Inuit of Labrador."
 * Early life:
 * "He had a younger sister, alongside possibly another younger sibling, both of unknown name" this reads very ... odd. Perhaps "He had a younger unnamed sister, and perhaps another younger unnamed sibling also."
 * I struggled with how to phrase this; that's a lot better. Fixed. - G
 * "would encounter various British ships in the search for Franklin's lost expedition" stilted - suggest "was encountered by various ships searching for a lost British exploring mission."
 * Good idea. Fixed. -G
 * Cape York landing:
 * "A landing party, including Captains Charles Forsyth and Erasmus Ommanney." what did the landing party do? It's not a complete sentence.
 * Totally missed this; fixed. - G
 * Wolstenholme Fjord:
 * "Qalaherriaq guided the Assistance to Wolstenholme Fjord in order to dispel the claims of a massacre of Franklin expedition." The way this is worded, it makes it sound like Qalaherriaq wanted to dispel the claims - perhaps "Qalaherriaq guided the Assistance to Wolstenholme Fjord where the Europeans investigated the claims of a massacre of Franklin expedition."?
 * Good point. - G
 * "the survivors presumed to have fled the area without burying the dead due to a disease epidemic" this is awkward - suggest "the survivors were assumed to have fled without burying the dead due to an epidemic"?
 * Good fix. - G
 * "Royal Navy explorers commonly looted artifacts and remains from Inughuit graves for the anthropological and racial science collections of British museums." this reads very awkwardly where it's placed - perhaps a better connection to the actual incident could be done?
 * Tried to incorporated this better. -G
 * England:
 * "learned to read and write alongside a religious education" ... perhaps "learned to read and write while receiving a religious education"?
 * Ooh good fix. - G
 * I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:12, 15 January 2024 (UTC)
 * Made fixes per your feedback! Thank you very much. Generalissima (talk) 20:01, 15 January 2024 (UTC)
 * "Royal Navy explorers commonly looted artifacts and remains from Inughuit graves for the anthropological and racial science collections of British museums." this reads very awkwardly where it's placed - perhaps a better connection to the actual incident could be done?
 * Tried to incorporated this better. -G
 * England:
 * "learned to read and write alongside a religious education" ... perhaps "learned to read and write while receiving a religious education"?
 * Ooh good fix. - G
 * I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:12, 15 January 2024 (UTC)
 * Made fixes per your feedback! Thank you very much. Generalissima (talk) 20:01, 15 January 2024 (UTC)


 * All these changes look good, passing now. Ealdgyth (talk) 15:06, 16 January 2024 (UTC)