Talk:Qilombo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 22:24, 20 May 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * Timeline of events in the second sentence could be improved. I suggest changing then changed its name and became a space for local Black and Brown people from 2014 onwards. to something along these lines: "but changed its name and focus in 2014 to become a space for local Black and Brown people."
 * makes sense, rewritten, thanks for the suggestion Mujinga (talk) 12:35, 29 May 2023 (UTC)
 * If you're using American English, change centre to "center".
 * Good spot, that was prob me making the error! Mujinga (talk) 12:36, 29 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Sentence structure of the last sentence needs to be improved. The sudden introduction of information about eviction lacks context, so it might be helpful to add information about why or by whom Qilombo was evicted to make it clearer for the reader.
 * done Mujinga (talk) 22:01, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * First sentence combines information about the location and time of operation of Qilombo into a single phrase. This can make it more difficult for readers to quickly understand the sentence. I suggest changing from 2011 through 2019 to "that operated from 2011 to 2019". This separates the information about the location and time of operation into two distinct phrases, which makes it easier to process.
 * I would agree with this, but I'm a Br-Eng speaker and from 2011 through 2019 is I think US-Eng, so I'll wait to see if MariaElle has a comment on this one Mujinga (talk) 12:33, 29 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Yes, I agree with this edit - thanks! MariaElle (talk) 16:09, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
 * MariaElle can I check what you mean? So you think the current version is good? Please change if not! Mujinga (talk) 22:52, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Mujinga (talk) 01:13, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Just updated, it now says ""that operated from 2011 to 2019" MariaElle (talk) 06:28, 7 June 2023 (UTC)

History

 * Add comma after In January 2014 and replace the comma after closed its doors with "and".
 * done Mujinga (talk) 22:04, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Remove unnecessary comma after opened in 2011.
 * if we have a comma after In January 2014, I think it's consistent to have one after opened in 2011 as well Mujinga (talk) 22:04, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Sure, that's fine. — Golden  call me maybe?
 * the first quilombos (from the Kimbundu word "kilombo") were communities Maroons set up between the 16th and 19th centuries by African people in South America as refuges from slavery and colonialism. - Do the terms "Maroons" and "African people in South America" here refer to the same group of people?
 * yes i think only Maroons is needed Mujinga (talk) 22:04, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Well there were Maroon communities in North America and the Caribbean as well. The term "quilombo" was a specifically South American/Brazilian term, so the clarification may be useful. I also think the word "Maroon" can refer to an individual person as well as a whole community. It should probably say "Maroon communities," not "communities Maroon." MariaElle (talk) 16:19, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
 * I'll let Mujinga address what MariaElle said, but another point about that sentence: Should it really say the name had been changed because the first quilombos (from the Kimbundu word "kilombo") were communities Maroons set up? "Because" doesn't feel like the right word here if I'm understanding the sentence correctly. Maybe "in honor of" would work better? — Golden  call me maybe?
 * I agree on saying "Maroon communities" not "communities Maroon", but the sentence as it was referred to "communities Maroons set up between the 16th and 19th centuries". In any case, MariaElle please feel free to rephrase and clarify! Mujinga (talk) 22:55, 2 June 2023 (UTC)

Afrika Town

 * Hyphenate self defense.
 * done and wikilinked Mujinga (talk) 12:39, 29 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Change started by members of Qilombo in 2014, which aimed to to "started by members of Qilombo in 2014 that aimed to" - This removes the unnecessary comma and improves sentence structure.
 * done! Mujinga (talk) 20:43, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Add comma after free breakfasts.
 * not convinced it's needed but it doesn't seem inconsistent, so added Mujinga (talk) 20:43, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * The garden was built on land owned by real estate investor Noel Yi and 2015, he began a campaign to evict the garden. - I imagine and 2015 is an error. Splitting the sentence might improve its readability.
 * indeed, semi-colon added Mujinga (talk) 20:43, 30 May 2023 (UTC)

Closure

 * The first sentence of this section ends with the same word as the beginning of the second sentence and needs to be adjusted. Additionally, there should be a comma after Ghost Ship warehouse fire. I suggest rewriting the sentence like this: "In November 2016, SMC East Bay renewed their lease with Qilombo. However, after the Ghost Ship warehouse fire, they cancelled the agreement and sent city inspectors who informed the project that they could not organize public events." — Golden  call me maybe?
 * I'll leave this for MariaElle Mujinga (talk) 22:52, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Mujinga (talk) 01:14, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Done! MariaElle (talk) 06:24, 7 June 2023 (UTC)

Additional comments
— Golden  call me maybe? 22:24, 20 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Earwig shows no copyvio.
 * Pictures in the article are relevant and free.
 * Short, but informative article. Happy to pass once the above points are addressed.

Overall
Hi Golden, thanks a lot for taking on the review. I co-nominated with the page creator MariaElle so if it's ok I'll wait a for them to join and answer the comments as it's their first GA nomination. Mujinga (talk) 11:19, 21 May 2023 (UTC)


 * Of course, take your time. — Golden  call me maybe? 11:36, 21 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Hi Golden thanks for your patience - I just thought yesterday to send MariaElle an email via "Email a user" so perhaps we can see if they are online over the weekend, if not I can start to answer next week. Cheers! Mujinga (talk) 08:13, 26 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the update! Sounds good. Cheers! — Golden  call me maybe? 17:29, 26 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Hi Golden I've made a start and if MariaElle pops up as a US-Eng speaker then all the better, stopping here for now but have time to hopefully get this wrapped up this week, cheers Mujinga (talk) 12:45, 29 May 2023 (UTC)
 * There's now answers on every query. Also I did a sweep to see if there were any new sources and found a few more bits to add in. Mujinga (talk) 22:07, 30 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I was away traveling. Thank you so much for these edits, they look great!!  My only feedback was replacing "communities Maroon" with "Maroon communities." Dunno if that's a Br-Eng thing, but "communities Maroon" sounds odd in US-Eng. Thanks again for all your work on this! MariaElle (talk) 16:25, 2 June 2023 (UTC)

Most points have been resolved. I have one more additional concern with the History and Closure sections which I've noted above. — Golden  call me maybe? 21:36, 2 June 2023 (UTC)


 * Hi Golden thanks for the answers - I'm just popping in now and prob won't be online much over the weekend, so hopefully MariaElle has a chance to finish up the review (sorry if it's fixing errors I just introduced). Cheers to you both, Mujinga (talk) 22:56, 2 June 2023 (UTC)
 * "In honor of" instead of "because of" is a welcome edit, though the grammar will have to be adjusted accordingly. Nice catch, thank you! MariaElle (talk) 00:43, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * I have just made this update, let me know if I missed anything! MariaElle (talk) 00:49, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Hi MariaElle, I think there's two points still open above, I've marked them with a Mujinga (talk) 01:15, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Great, thank you! Just made updates to the first sentence and to the sentence about Ghost Ship (where the two ?s were) - let me know if I missed anything else! MariaElle (talk) 06:29, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Nice one MariaElle, by the way making edits minor (marked with m) should only be for things like adding a comma or deleting whitespace, your edits were substantial and should have an edit summary which says what you have done. I think we've done everything now, so paging . Mujinga (talk) 10:30, 7 June 2023 (UTC)
 * All of my concerns have been addressed satisfactorily. Thank you! I am pleased to approve this article as a Good Article. Have a great day! — Golden  call me maybe? 14:01, 7 June 2023 (UTC)