Talk:Queen Elizabeth-class aircraft carrier/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Folklore1 (talk · contribs) 17:58, 4 January 2012 (UTC)

As I perform the review, I will be updating the following table. Please look for my questions, comments and recommendations below the table. Folklore1 (talk) 18:11, 4 January 2012 (UTC)

Lead section
The third paragraph of lead section uses the acronym, "STOVL", without defining the letters. This interferes with readability, because the reader must follow the link to another article to find out what the letters mean. I recommend spelling out an acronym with the first use, as follows: "short take off and vertical landing (STOVL)". Subsequent uses can then be limited to just the acronym. Folklore1 (talk) 19:15, 4 January 2012 (UTC)

"CATOBAR" should also be spelled out with the first use. Folklore1 (talk) 19:28, 4 January 2012 (UTC)

"plans changed in 2010, and the carrier version of the F-35C will be purchased and present plans are" in the third paragraph is awkward. The use of "and" twice in the same sentence makes it a bit difficult to read. Folklore1 (talk) 19:24, 4 January 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅ changed wording. Jim Sweeney (talk)

Design studies
The link from the James Rogers reference (Global Power Europe) sent me to an article written in German. Not being able to read German, I do not know whether this is the correct source. Does this link actually connect with the cited article by James Rogers? Folklore1 (talk) 19:53, 4 January 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅ I have changed the ref to an english language site. Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:21, 4 January 2012 (UTC)
 * The link doesn't seem to be working right. It sent me to a German language site. Folklore1 (talk) 19:08, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Don't know how that happened but ref changed againJim Sweeney (talk) 19:19, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

The second paragraph of this section cites testimony by Sir Alan West, but doesn't mention date of the testimony. The reference footnote identifies the source simply as "Hansard", but I don't know what that means. A little more information about the source, including the date, would be helpful. Folklore1 (talk) 21:00, 4 January 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅ Yes - changed to use the cite hansard template and date added - its the house of commons web site.Jim Sweeney (talk) 22:12, 4 January 2012 (UTC)

Systems
See the sentence: While the Artisan has the "ability to track a target the size of a snooker ball over 20 kilometres (12 mi) away". Folklore1 (talk) 16:52, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * There's either something missing from the sentence, or "While" needs to be removed. Folklore1 (talk) 19:47, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Now changed ✅ Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:00, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

See: "and the movement of pallets is controlled from a central location, and manpower is" Could the first "and" be replaced by a comma? Folklore1 (talk) 16:52, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Both ✅ Jim Sweeney (talk) 17:19, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

Crew facilities
See: "Crew facilities will include a cinema, physical fitness areas, four galleys" I think replacing the second comma with "and" would look better. Folklore1 (talk) 17:00, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

"an eight bed medical facility, for the eleven medical staff, which includes" is a little bit awkward and could be misunderstood. Folklore1 (talk) 17:03, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Both ✅ Jim Sweeney (talk) 17:17, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

Merlin
See: "A utility version, that can carry up to thirty-eight troops or sixteen stretcher patients." Folklore1 (talk) 17:46, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Not sure what you point is here.Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:23, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I attached it to the previous sentence with a colon. Does this look okay to you? Folklore1 (talk) 19:49, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

"but their range and endurance can be extended" does not mention the original range available without the two engine cruise option. Folklore1 (talk) 17:46, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅ Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:23, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

Wildcat
See: "An improved version of the Westland Lynx military helicopter, the AgustaWestland Lynx Wildcat, scheduled to enter service with the Royal Navy in 2015." Folklore1 (talk) 17:52, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Changed wording. Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:28, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

Airborne early warning and control
Should "To Lockheed Martin UK for a Merlin helicopter" be part of the previous sentence? Folklore1 (talk) 18:00, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * reworded does it make more sense. Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:27, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I added a colon. Does that look okay to you? Folklore1 (talk) 18:38, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Yes ok Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:39, 5 January 2012 (UTC)

Queen Elizabeth
See: "Meanwhile, construction of the bow Lower Block 1 was carried out at Appledore, North Devon, and were completed in March 2010." Is there something missing from the sentence? Or does "were" need to be replaced by "was"? Folklore1 (talk) 18:30, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Changed to was. Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:32, 5 January 2012 (UTC)