Talk:Queen Mary 2/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: ---Dough4872 00:19, 11 December 2009 (UTC) Comments: I am placing the article on hold. ---Dough4872 00:19, 11 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Citations should not be in the lead unless that information is unique.
 * 2) The lead looks a little short. Is there any more information that can be added?
 * 3) The word "she" is used too much in the article to describe the ship. Can the use of this word be cut down?
 * 4) The sentence "48 people on the gangway fell over 15-metre (49 ft); 32 were injured and 16 were killed." should not begin with a numeral.
 * 5) The sentence "Due to the size of the ship, the high quality of materials, and that, having been designed as an ocean liner, she required 40% more steel than a standard cruise ship, the final cost was approximately $300,000 US per berth, nearly double that of many large passenger ships." needs to be split into two.
 * 6) Citation needed for "In common with many modern ships, both passenger and cargo, Queen Mary 2 has a bulbous bow to reduce drag and thereby increase speed, range, and fuel efficiency."
 * 7) "Cunard decided to pass up the convenience of the occasional Canal passage": add "Panama" before "Canal".
 * 8) The sentence "(Queen Mary 2 carries 8 spare blades on the foredeck, immediately forward of the bridge screen.)" should not be in parentheses.
 * 9) The sentence "Concentrated salt solution (brine) is being discharged to the sea closer to the ship’s stern together with cooling water from the engines." sounds awkward.
 * 10) Citation needed for "With 1,600 passengers leaving the ships in Sydney, Cunard estimated the stopovers injected more than $1 million into the local economy."
 * 11) Citation needed for "In July 2007 the National Geographic Channel broadcast the documentary Megastructures about Queen Mary 2."
 * 12) "(on 27 November 2008 [57])" does not need to be in parentheses.
 * 13) Citation needed for "Cunard had selected Boston as the American port for his Atlantic service which resulted in a strong connection between Boston and the Cunard Line."
 * 14) Citation needed for "It now forms part of the Maritime Quest aboard."
 * 15) The first paragraph of the Environmental performance section needs citations.
 * 16) "Footnotes" should be changed to "References".
 * 17) Throughout the article, there are many short one- and two-sentence paragraphs. These should be combined with other paragraphs.

Jhbuk (talk) 19:53, 12 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Removed all but one.
 * 2) I added a paragraph about the ship's speed and technical design and rephrased some of the rest of it.
 * 3) Haven't changed this as I don't see what would be better.
 * 4) Changed
 * 5) Changed
 * 6) Added
 * 7) Changed
 * 8) Changed
 * 9) Removed "being"
 * 10) Added
 * 11) Added
 * 12) Changed
 * 13) Added
 * 14) Removed sentence
 * 15) Added some; possibly more would be better
 * 16) Changed
 * 17) I have changed some, but I can't really see a way around most of the ones that are left.
 * There are still some one-sentence paragraphs in the Service history section. Once these are fixed, I can pass the article. ---Dough4872 01:25, 13 December 2009 (UTC)
 * I have improved it, but there are still two at the end that I can't see any obvious place for. Jhbuk (talk) 19:24, 13 December 2009 (UTC)
 * They can be combined with the prior paragraph. ---Dough4872 19:54, 13 December 2009 (UTC)
 * I've done so, it's just I didn't think itwould be appropriate as they are unrelated. Jhbuk (talk)
 * I will now pass the article. ---Dough4872 01:15, 14 December 2009 (UTC)