Talk:R-15 (concert)/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 20:28, 23 April 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: PSA (talk · contribs) 01:38, 29 April 2024 (UTC)

It's been a while! I will be taking this for review. I have a pending GAN of my own in case you want to take a look. ‍ PSA 🏕️  (talk) 01:38, 29 April 2024 (UTC)
 * I'll do my best to take a look at your GAN within the week. Pseud 14 (talk) 03:03, 29 April 2024 (UTC)

Spotchecks
Refer to this version for the ref numbers.


 * 1 - no issues
 * 4 - the fact is correct, but the source says it was recorded in '87. Can we get a better source?
 * Added another source to support that


 * 6 - no issues found
 * 8 - no issues found
 * 9 - The source says "EE Concert Productions" and not "EE Concerts Production". Other than that, no issues.
 * Thanks for catching that. Revised


 * 10 - Quotation supported.
 * 11 - no issues found.

No copyright violations. Just two very minor hiccups with two sources I checked.

Prose comments
Most suggestions will revolve around concision.


 * Change Velasquez's descriptor in the lead to simply "musician" or "singer"; no need to say the same thing with more words.
 * Done


 * "an appearance in the variety show" -> "appearing in the variety show"
 * Done


 * "was described" passive voice. Just say who described the concert as such
 * I dropped described altogether since it is still attributed to another Phil Daily Inquirer article. And I had already mentioned the newspaper in the preceding sentence.


 * "with Freddie Santos tapped" probably a nitpick but is there a more encyclopedic word for "tapped" we can use?
 * Changed


 * "who served as the music director" -> "the show's music director"
 * Done


 * "performance of her first single" already mentioned this was her debut single, so no need to specify it again
 * Removed


 * Ditto with Regine
 * Removed


 * From here on out, it will help to specify the albums on which the forthcoming songs appear
 * I've tried to add the albums associated with the songs where possible (although didn't repeat it for the succeeding songs)


 * The "with" in "Dance with Me" should be in lowercase; same with "the" in "Follow the Sun"
 * Done


 * "went down to the audience section and interacted with the crowd" -> "approached and mingled with the audience"
 * Done


 * "and then performed" remove "then"
 * Removed


 * "which was entitled" remove the "which was"
 * Removed


 * Remove "At this point"
 * Removed


 * "before closing the show" -> dangling modifier; change to "before Velasquez closed"
 * Removed


 * "After the song ended" remove "ended"
 * Removed


 * "for a performance of" remove "a performance of"
 * Removed


 * Is there any critical commentary about this concert? Or sources about the boxscore?
 * I've tried looking for reviews through Google Books, but unfortunately, there isn't one available. Tried other online sources too and it seems to be scarce during this period/year. As for boxscore, we generally do not have that as far as Filipino events as concerned (at least to my knowledge), especially not during this time period. Pseud 14 (talk) 02:55, 29 April 2024 (UTC)

That will be all, @Pseud 14. Great work on this article. ‍ PSA 🏕️  (talk) 01:38, 29 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Thanks for taking on this review PSA. Your comments have been very helpful. (It's been a while and I didn't realize you switched names again!). Let me know if there's anything I may have missed. Hope all is well with you. Pseud 14 (talk) 02:55, 29 April 2024 (UTC)
 * No problem @Pseud 14, and I am glad for your quick replies. That there aren't any RS for the reception/sales is fine; as long as the article discusses everything all RS say, it satisfies the criterion for broadness. Anyways, final comments re. concision and clarity: "featured songs taken from Velasquez's discography, which incorporated tracks she released from her cover albums" can be simplified to "featured songs from Velasquez's discography, including tracks from her cover albums" and "in some Asian territories" to simply "in Asia". Change "Nineteen 90's 'Narito Ako'" to Narito Ako' from Nineteen 90" so that readers using screen readers won't assume Nineteen 90's refers to a music act. After this, I will be confident enough to pass. ‍ PSA 🏕️  (talk) 03:56, 29 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the additional comments PSA. I’ve incorporated all suggestions into the article. Appreciate your review to help polish it. Pseud 14 (talk) 04:07, 29 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Will be passing now ‍ PSA 🏕️  (talk) 04:13, 29 April 2024 (UTC)