Talk:Rahul Thakkar/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 05:24, 5 June 2016 (UTC)
 * Gentle reminder :) Xender Lourdes (talk) 03:56, 12 June 2016 (UTC)

General concerns
I'm going to first list any issues or problems I have noticed with or within the article, both cosmetically and grammatically. The article is relatively short, especially for a biography. My list is also short, but please consider the following. Here goes: I realize you have the drive and capabilities to bring this article to its full capacity, and I really want to see that. But at its current state, it's just not there yet; but by no means does this mean that it will never be there. Let's talk this out; I want the decision to be left up to you. Whatever you are willing to do is what will occur; just let me know. @PING me when you would like and I'll respond swiftly. Thanks for your cooperation and I hopefully will talk with you soon! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 22:45, 14 June 2016 (UTC).
 * Movie posters generally do not belong in an any article, besides the movie the poster belongs to
 * The "Notable work(s)" parameter in the infobox seems unnecessary to me, as Thakkar's name is not mentioned in any of those articles, and he only contributed minor bits and pieces to the movies; plus there is no article for "DreamWorks Animation Media Review System", it just acts as a link to "DreamWorks Animation"
 * I don't know if there is a specific rule out there, but articles generally don't use hyphens or n-dashes unless they included within a quote or reference/citation. With just a quick "Command F", I found 4 pairs of them (8 total), that could easily be replaced with commas or reworded. Do you know if there's such rule or guideline?
 * Also, is there anything besides his 2016 Academy Award nomination that is notable and worth mentioning, because it seems that is really the only thing worth noting in his biography?
 * Final suggestion: As much as I would like to see any article earn good article ("GA") status, I would highly recommend withdrawing this review and submitting the article for a peer review or Guild of Copy Edit review to improve and expand the article's contents.
 * thank you for the review. Irrespective of how the GA proceeds, I appreciate the time taken out to review the biography and the effort put in to give the points for improvement. I have placed my replies below sequentially:
 * I agree that the article is relatively short for a biography. Although the GA norms don't have any fixed size for a BLP, the fact is that for individuals like Rahul Thakkar where notability has been gained this year, the amount of content that can be gathered from RS is relatively lesser than celebs who have been there in the news for many years. Compared to the GA article Cottalango Leon (where the individual won a similar Oscar award in the same year) which has around 750 words, or the GA William Walker (Australian cricketer) which has around 615 words, Rahul Thakkar has I think 1130 words now (I've added two comments by Rahul and added to the lede too, to beef it up).
 * Movie posters are generally not featured in articles. I agree. I was given the suggestion to include the movie poster during the GA review of Cottalango Leon. I have replicated that standard here. I reviewed some other articles like Christina, Queen of Sweden which contain a movie poster. I had also studied the Manual of Style/Images before placing the movie poster. I felt that the movie poster satisfied the criteria mentioned there for inclusion (mainly, that the movie poster was pertinent to the topic as Thakkar had contributed to the first animated movie which won the Oscar). Having said that, although I feel that the poster adds value to the context, if you feel it should not be there, I can remove the same. Please do advise.
 * I have edited the Notable work parameter to only include the DreamWorks Animation Media Review System, without any link, and have removed the movies. I feel we should leave the mention of the Dreamworks Animation Media Review System as that is something for which he has won the Oscar and the infobox can provide a quick summary of the same. Will go by your final call here too.
 * About dashes: I have removed the dashes and replaced them with either commas or (in one case) brackets.
 * Besides his 2016 award, his notable and referenced contribution to Shrek has already been placed within the article, both in the lead and the main article. These are the two notable things about Thakkar.
 * GOCE and peer review: Being a GOCE member myself, I'm quite comfortable with the English usage and the standard used in flowing the article. With respect to peer review, editors like 7&6=thirtee have also been involved significantly into developing the initial structure of the article. So I feel the article has been given the initial peer review. I also feel that the GA review is the best peer review that can be obtained as there is a standard to achieve. Therefore, although I am not averse to a Peer or GOCE review, I would not prefer it knowing the amount of editing, structuring, reference search that has already been put into this article.
 * Do please advice on two queries above (if you would like the movie poster to be finally removed; and if you would like the notable parameter also removed), and also suggest any other improvements to be done to this article. I must mention again that whether this GA passes or not, I really appreciate the time taken by you to review and provide your insightful suggestions in a very congenial way. Thank you for that. Xender Lourdes (talk) 06:26, 15 June 2016 (UTC)
 * My actual GA review will be listed below. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 02:18, 17 June 2016 (UTC).

Infobox

 * I would try to upload a pic of Thakkar if applicable (Ok thanks. I've given a look and could not find. Will try sometime in the future; maybe write to the academy. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * Is there any information on what year he was born in, or the specific date perhaps? (No. I've trawled all sources. Could not find. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * Remove the "other names" parameter since it is currently unused (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * Use a "flatlist" on the "occupation" parameter please (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * Remove the "relatives" parameter since it is currently unused (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Lead

 * You don't have to source anything in the lead, as long as a statement with the same content and used in the same context is sourced below in the article (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 2

 * "He currently stays in Virginia," --> "He currently resides in Virginia," (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 2

 * Add "the" after "Thakkar completed his graduation from" please (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 3

 * ""Dad was an actor, writer and director... Dad did a short speaking role in Gandhi (1984) and has acted since the late 1960s. He studied in London at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art," said Thakkar in a January 2016 interview.[6]" --> This entire statement doesn't necessarily involve the previous statement; to be honest with you, I'd remove the quote altogether since all it is doing is restating what was said in the first two paragraphs (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 4

 * "featuring in a 1971 Films Division of India documentary," --> "contributing to a 1971 Films Division of India documentary," (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Career

 * Like I said, I would remove the movie poster from the article altogether (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * "Thakkar also developed the show opening software for CBS' 1994 and 1996 election coverage, and for the The David Letterman Show.[1]" --> As in Presidential elections? There wasn't a US presidential election in 1994... ( United States elections, 1994 . Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * What did you mean by elections though? There still wasn't a presidential election in 1994. Carbrera (talk) 17:58, 17 June 2016 (UTC).
 * Hello, the sentence reads "Thakkar also developed the show opening software for CBS' 1994 and 1996 election coverage". It doesn't necessarily denote or only refer to Presidential elections. As I linked above, the US did have elections in 1994. If you suggest, I can link United States elections, 1994 to the term 1994 and United States presidential election, 1996 to the term 1996. Anything you believe looks sensible. Xender Lourdes (talk) 03:11, 18 June 2016 (UTC)
 * Please do that to clarify. I will then gladly pass the article as I see nothing else wrong. Thank you for your cooperation very much. Carbrera (talk) 03:18, 18 June 2016 (UTC)
 * Hello again, it's done. I have linked it as per your suggestion. Thanks for all the effort taken to review. Xender Lourdes (talk) 03:54, 18 June 2016 (UTC)


 * I think you meant to link the show Late Show with David Letterman, not The David Letterman Show? (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))
 * The rest of this section is actually really good work! :) (Thank you. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 1

 * Explain who Richard Chuang is please (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

Paragraph 2

 * "that he expected more Indians to feature in the Academy Awards winners' lists in the coming years.[9]" --> "that he expected more Indians to be featured in the Academy Awards winners' lists in the coming years.[9]" (Done. Xender Lourdes  ( talk ) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC))

End of GA Review:
My additional comments are above; please take a look over them and @PING me if you have any questions. Good luck! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 02:18, 17 June 2016 (UTC).
 * Hi Carbrera I have completed all the suggestions you have given. Do tell me if there's anything else left. Thanks once again for the time being taken to provide feedback. Xender Lourdes (talk) 10:57, 17 June 2016 (UTC)