Talk:Raiden Shogun/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Bluecrystal004 (talk · contribs) 01:32, 23 December 2023 (UTC)

I can take a look at this one during the holidays! Ping me here or on Discord after 7 days if I haven't posted a review. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 01:32, 23 December 2023 (UTC)

Stability -
 * Reviewed this version

Copyright/images -
 * Earwig
 * The infobox image rationale still talks about the game's cover art, instead of the character art
 * Raiden Shogun Cooking Meme.png
 * Non-replaceable: the rationale doesn't actually justify why this isn't replaceable with an image of the same encyclopedic value
 * Minimal use: makes mention of MiHoYo, but not the copyright holder listed in the rationale template, which is Kitchen Nightmares

Infobox -

Lead -
 * ...of the game's Inazuma setting. - maybe "region" is a clearer word
 * ...they originally act as... -> ...she originally acts as... because she's the subject of this sentence (She consists of...)


 * She has also been discussed in regards to some of the better and worst aspects of the game's story - I don't actually know at all what this is intended to mean
 * ...though with some criticisms of its own... - at least remove "of its own" which doesn't make sense, possibly something like ...but there has been criticism aimed at...

Conception and creation -
 * ...both were built around the game's "Electro" element... - what is "both"?


 * ...bluish purple hair that forms a long hair down her back... - should be rephrased from "forms a long hair"
 * ...she portrayed the "Shogun" aspect "cold and unemotional, but not emotionless" and "not a robot". - add "as" between "aspect" and the quotes

Appearances -
 * The actual "Baal" is revealed to be Raiden Shogun... - not the actual Baal, but the fake Baal
 * ...after attempting to chooses to adopt... - grammatical error, probably removing "to chooses" is best
 * ...decides to repeal her policies, adoption a more forward-thinking governance... - adoption -> adopting


 * ...obtained by inviting to a card duel... - inviting her
 * "make her sound like a Queen from nowhere in particular." - prefer paraphrasing this quote

Promotion and reception -
 * ...a polearm called "Engulfing Lightning," to acquire. - the "to acquire" is ungrammatical, I assume it means players could explore her story and get her weapon; maybe along with allowing players to obtain...


 * Might be good to mention when she was released as a playable character
 * ...comments followed regarding her animations, in particular her sword draw animation where the blade is manifested from her exposed cleavage, with mixed reactions. - I would suggest moving the "with mixed reactions" up to replace the start, something like After her reveal trailer, mixed reactions followed regarding her animations, ...
 * ...her inability to cook, resulting resulted in... - rm doubled word


 * "one of the most realistic portrayals of grief that I have seen in years." - prefer paraphrasing of this quote


 * The paper Preliminary study into the Genshin impact's aesthetics... - paper title should be in quotes not italics
 * ...suggested that large breasts "sensual figure" were designed to play a large part of her appeal... - kind of doesn't make sense, maybe removing either "large breasts" or "sensual figure" will make more sense?
 * ...within that country... - redundant, remove


 * In September 2021, a week after Raiden Shogun was released, - was it in the whole month, or a week after her release?
 * ...far exceeding the monthly revenue in August. - the game's total monthly revenue?
 * In March, 2022, the Shogun's banner saw a rerun... - does "the Shogun" refer to Raiden Shogun? It seems an unusual phrasing but not wrong I guess

References -
 * Keep in mind I'm using machine translations for some of the sources in Chinese which might complicate things

Spotcheck part 1, this version of the article
 * 1a - Go with something secondary (not an interview) to establish who the VA is, I found this source


 * 4a -
 * 2c - the source isn't English so quoting the word "nostalgic" isn't appropriate, I think


 * 6b - do you have a scan of this issue (looks like it originally was on zhwiki)? There's a lot of info sourced to it
 * 10 - it mentions that she has this Chakra Desiderata but seems like synthesis/OR to say that this reflects design elements from the god Raijin


 * 3b - move this up to ...Park Ji-yoon in Korean. which is the only relevant fact it mentions

Spotcheck, part 2 this version of the article
 * 14a -
 * 18 - I'm not seeing any of the previous section supported by this article. I suppose citing the game itself is fine
 * 19 -
 * 25 - also doesn't seem to support the sentence at all, but the other source does
 * 29 - fine at its core but I think "took particular delight in" and "significant" are sort of laying it on thick
 * 5c - the quote should be "absolute leader", not "absolute ruler"
 * 39b -

My initial thoughts are here; I'll do a source spotcheck within the next couple days. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 20:32, 29 December 2023 (UTC)
 * Addressed what I could. I'm hoping the image rationale is satisfactory now to boot.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 21:30, 29 December 2023 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the wait, wow! Spotcheck parts 1 and 2 are posted, still let me know about that pash article otherwise I guess I can just assume good faith on the zhwiki editor who cited it. Everything else from the review was addressed, I think. ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 02:00, 5 January 2024 (UTC)
 * I should have everything fixed. The Pash article I don't have, but there's a translation of it here in this reddit thread, pages 6 and 7. Lemme know how everything looks!--Kung Fu Man (talk) 07:17, 5 January 2024 (UTC)
 * @Kung Fu Man I made some fixes and I removed a line which I couldn't find reference to in the Pash source, feel free to modify if I got anything wrong. Should be fine to pass this now, thanks for your work on this article! ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 08:08, 6 January 2024 (UTC)

Chinese Sources Check
If you have any need, I can help check the Chinese (and perhaps some Japanese) language sources. Milky  Defer  05:47, 31 December 2023 (UTC)