Talk:Raymond P. Shafer/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 21:31, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

Hello! I'll be taking a look at this article for the January 2022 GAN backlog drive. If you haven't already signed up, please feel free to join in! Although QPQ is not required, if you're feeling generous, I also have a list of GA nominations of my own right here.

Infobox and lede

 * "and as a Pennsylvania state senator"
 * Can nix "Pennsylvania" in "Meadville, Pennsylvania" to reduce repetition
 * Need some way to rephrase the part about his Navy service so that it's clear he was in the Navy and not JAG
 * "He died in Meadville on December 12, 2006." "He died in Meadville in 2006." As his death date is already listed above
 * Need some way to rephrase the part about his Navy service so that it's clear he was in the Navy and not JAG
 * "He died in Meadville on December 12, 2006." "He died in Meadville in 2006." As his death date is already listed above
 * "He died in Meadville on December 12, 2006." "He died in Meadville in 2006." As his death date is already listed above

Early life and career

 * "Mina Belle (nee Miller)"
 * Comma after "Meadville, Pennsylvania" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
 * No commas needed around "Phi Beta Kappa"
 * ✅ I've tweaked the sentence a bit to clarify what that means (i.e. that he was a member of ΦΒΚ)
 * No commas needed around "Phi Beta Kappa"
 * ✅ I've tweaked the sentence a bit to clarify what that means (i.e. that he was a member of ΦΒΚ)

Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania

 * Per MOS:DATERANGE, the header should read 1963–1967
 * No commas needed around "by a margin of nearly half a million votes"
 * No commas needed around "by a margin of nearly half a million votes"

1966 campaign

 * Add a "main article" or "see also" link to 1966 Pennsylvania gubernatorial election
 * "scattering to" "scattered across"
 * "scattering to" "scattered across"

Tenure

 * Per MOS:DATERANGE, subhead should read "1967–1971"
 * "thus enabling the convention to meet during the summer of 1967, with the convention's recommendations to be submitted to the electorate in November 1967" "thus enabling the convention to meet that summer and submit their recommendations to the electorate in November."
 * Specify 1968 presidential election instead of just saying "1968 election", since there were many elections in 1968 and it's not immediately clear for people less familiar with the American election process which one that would be
 * "Spiro Agnew as his running mate."
 * "a move that made him" "a move which made him"
 * "thirty-three percent" "33 percent" for consistency with other percentages in the article
 * ✅ I've further revised to "33%" to ensure consistency.
 * The WL to the 1970 election should be on "1970 election" and not "elected governor"
 * ✅ I've linked a new reference to the gubernatorial election that year, as the "1970 election" reference there is meant to cover the entirety of that year's elections in PA (gubernatorial, legislative, etc.), not just the race for governor. I have clarified this point further in the text.
 * The WL should also be on "Dudley Do-Right" and not "cartoon character" per MOS:EASTEREGG
 * "thirty-three percent" "33 percent" for consistency with other percentages in the article
 * ✅ I've further revised to "33%" to ensure consistency.
 * The WL to the 1970 election should be on "1970 election" and not "elected governor"
 * ✅ I've linked a new reference to the gubernatorial election that year, as the "1970 election" reference there is meant to cover the entirety of that year's elections in PA (gubernatorial, legislative, etc.), not just the race for governor. I have clarified this point further in the text.
 * The WL should also be on "Dudley Do-Right" and not "cartoon character" per MOS:EASTEREGG

Shafer Commission

 * ""like a dog."" ""like a dog"." per MOS:LQ
 * ""ahead of its time."" ""ahead of its time"." per MOS:LQ
 * ""ahead of its time."" ""ahead of its time"." per MOS:LQ

Later life and legacy

 * Split the first sentence into two after "company in the United States" to improve flow
 * Comma after "1985 to 1986" that should probably be a period based on how the next sentence begins
 * ✅ Have removed a stray period as well.
 * "at each of" "at both"
 * ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act."" ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act"." per MOS:LQ
 * ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act."" ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act"." per MOS:LQ
 * ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act."" ""The Governor Raymond P. Shafer Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act"." per MOS:LQ

General comments

 * Images are CC or fair use and obviously relevant
 * No stability concerns in the revision history
 * Copyvio score looks good

Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments; almost all very minor things. Please feel free to ping me with questions, and let me know when you're finished! —  Ghost River  19:46, 2 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your time; I appreciate it. I believe I've now addressed each of your incisive comments, but please don't hesitate to set me right if I've failed in any respect. Thanks again. Tyrol5 ▸ [talk]  23:36, 2 February 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for making those changes! This article was in a great place to begin with, just needed a few nitpicks to get it up to snuff. Very happy to pass! —  Ghost River  16:15, 3 February 2022 (UTC)