Talk:ReMatriate Collective

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 7 September 2018 and 28 December 2018. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): SnowSwan1. Peer reviewers: INWOMCREATIVES.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 03:00, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

Edit Note 1:
Hi A. This is looking great. I've just begun my review and noticed a small typo in your "ReMatriate Collective" section. You have written "in a space space" and I am wondering if this is intended to read "safe space"? Best, INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 18:43, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 2:
Hi A. In your "ReMatriate Collective" section I am wondering if it might be helpful to link "stereotypes" and "cultural appropriation" with links to wiki sites explaining their definition and impact? Just so if anyone is reading over this page and don't know what those things are the information becomes extremely accessible for them! M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 18:47, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 3:
Wondering if the "DSquaw" fashion line should be linked in Red - is there a page for this Fashion Line? Could there be in the future? Same idea for the actual designer,DSquared harshly? Also, I was a little confused by this line. Is DSquared the designer, or harshly? Is harshly a description you're attaching to the line? Clarification recommended here. M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 18:50, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 4:
In your "Why it was Created/Background" section the line which reads "was named as such due to many Indigenous groups follow a matriarch system, where women are the center and the grounding of the communities." I'm wondering, if for clarity reasons, you could change follow to following. However, if you wanted to keep the "follow" in there, it may be better read as "was named as such [AS] many Indigenous communities follow a matriarch system" - same idea, just framed a little differently! M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 18:59, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 5:
In your "Background" section you have the term decolonizing, which I think is a good opportunity to link to another related wiki page. M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:01, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 6:
In your "How it Works" section you outline "local Indigenous women within their communities" - I think this could be expanded. What bands, tribes, nations are we talking about here? In addition, "teaching women in the remote villages" could we name some of those villages? Could we maybe be a little less general and actually highlight those that have seen this collective in action? M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:06, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 7:
In "Information on Founder" section, you note Jeneen Frei-Njootli as coming from the Vuntut Gwitchin First Nations Group, but could we maybe link to that community here, similar to how it's been done on Jeneen's own page. M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:08, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 8:
In "What its Purpose is" Section you write "or Indigenous women to feel empowered" and I'm wondering if "or" is supposed to read "for"? MINWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:09, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 9:
In "Why is it Important" section you write "The Collective allows Indigenous women, those featured and those viewing the image to feel empowered." This is currently a sentence fragment. Consider editing to "The Collective encourages Indigenous women, those featured and those viewing the image, to feel empowered." As you're introducing a subset of the sentence (those featured and those viewing) you need to have a comma before and after as to indicate these are additional ideas and not to be taken as a singular idea. I also made the suggested edit of "encourages" rather than "allows" because these individuals have always been ALLOWED to feel empowered, but they haven't always been given the tools to see this through. The collective gives the power back to the people. M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:14, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 10:
In "Why it is Important" section you write "break that stereotypes." This could be edited to "break the stereotypes" or "break that stereotype" etc. — Preceding unsigned comment added by INWOMCREATIVES (talk • contribs) 19:16, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Edit Note 11:
In "Why it is Important" section you write "The Collective looks at all Indigenous groups, not just a select few, allowing for more expansive interaction." This could be another good opportunity for you to actually highlight some of those communities instead of generalizing them all under an umbrella term. While it's awesome that you've acknowledged they are inclusively working with all communities rather than some, there is room to acknowledge even a few of those by name. M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:18, 20 December 2018 (UTC)

Overall Review:
A, I think what you've got here is a really nice introduction to the Collective. I think by indulging in some further engagement with research surrounding more specifics will be useful in really bringing this page home. Specifically, I would encourage you to highlight some of the community values of Jeneen Frei Njootli's Nation, Vuntut Gwitchin. In addition, highlighting some specifics around why this organization came to be: lack of education, lack of presence, silencing of narratives, of stories, of lived experiences. Really emphasize that this isn't just around for women to feel good about themselves, but to remind that they never had a reason not to be. This is fighting colonial narratives through and through. Great job, and I really look forward to seeing what this ends up as. Best, M INWOMCREATIVES (talk) 19:22, 20 December 2018 (UTC)