Talk:Richard J. Daronco/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 11:21, 9 March 2020 (UTC)

Comments That's my first set of comments. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:42, 9 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "in Pelham, New York by " comma after NY.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:33, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * I'm not 100% sure I know what a "tile setter" is?
 * It appears to be an uncommon variant of "tiler". It is how the source refers to him, but I've changed it to "tiler".  Ergo Sum  00:46, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "Daronco married in 1957," any information to whom?
 * Found the name. I added it, but hesitated for a moment over WP:NOTPUBLICFIGURE.  Ergo Sum  00:44, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * " and had five children" with his wife...
 * Clarified.  Ergo Sum  00:46, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Any info on how he went from private practice to getting elected two years later?
 * Not really. I don't find any source that comments on it, which is fairly understandable, since that was a pretty low-level, local elected position. Often, those elected to it had no prior government experience.  Ergo Sum  00:47, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "outside New York City in 1983" already linked NYC in previous section.
 * Removed link.  Ergo Sum  00:48, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "administering the 450 courts outside New York City" perhaps "outside the city" rather than repeat NYC.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:48, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * I strive hard to avoid single-sentence paras, any chance here?
 * I'm usually with you on that. Here, though, the subject matter of the two paragraphs are so dissimilar and there's really nothing to add to that one-sentence paragraph. If you think it'd be best to merge them, though, I wouldn't object.  Ergo Sum  00:50, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Preceding trial section has five short paras, I think it would suit a merger perhaps into two larger paras? It doesn't have the feel of your other articles which flow quite smoothly.
 * I've combined some of the paragraphs.  Ergo Sum  00:51, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Not sure we need to link "affair".
 * Removed.  Ergo Sum  00:51, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "and instead sought $2.5 million." why no ref?
 * Woops, lost the ref when I split up the paragraphs. Fixed.  Ergo Sum  00:55, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Also not sure we need to link "security camera".
 * Removed.  Ergo Sum  00:56, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Or "telephone book".
 * Removed. Although, I suspect younger generations might disagree.  Ergo Sum  00:56, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "On May 20, Charles .." perhaps "The day after..."?
 * I hesitate, because two sentences later, I say "the following afternoon." Might lose the readers.  Ergo Sum  00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "in Bath, Pennsylvania to" comma after Penn.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "Daronco attempted ... Daronco attempted" repetitive.
 * Rephrased.  Ergo Sum  00:58, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "he collapsed and died. Meanwhile, his wife, daughter, and a friend were in another part of the house. Hearing the gunshots, his wife entered the kitchen and found Koster chasing Daronco into the house.[" chronology is a little off here. He's already dead yet then his wife finds him being chased?
 * Right. Fixed the timeline.  Ergo Sum  00:59, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "three federal judges to be killed in the" in office seems an important differentiator here.
 * I don't know of any who were killed in the 20th century outside of office, but there very well may be. Clarified.  Ergo Sum  01:00, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "who said that he intended to "... and... did he?
 * I found the subsequent bill that was signed into law.  Ergo Sum  01:14, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "In his memory" -> "In Daronco's memory"
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  01:01, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Ref 13 needs a spaced en-dash, not spaced hyphen.
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  01:02, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Sucbox should be in chronological order.
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  01:02, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your thorough comments.  Ergo Sum  01:15, 10 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Always a pleasure, promoted. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:20, 10 March 2020 (UTC)