Talk:Rick Suder/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: LunaEatsTuna (talk · contribs) 00:10, 1 August 2023 (UTC)

Will review.  ツ LunaEatsTuna  (💬)— 00:10, 1 August 2023 (UTC)
 * On hold; over to you!  ツ LunaEatsTuna  (💬)— 23:41, 1 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I am satisfied with the changes made and can now confidently pass this great article for GA status. Congrats!  ツ LunaEatsTuna  (💬)— 16:41, 18 August 2023 (UTC)

Copyvio check
Earwig says good to go. No concerns from me either.

Prose

 * What is the source for his birthdate estimate and height in the infobox?
 * Height from this-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:27, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I think his age is roughly estimated from the time he transitioned from high school to college.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:37, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The lead could be massively improved; several sentences begin with "He". Try to connect sentences together where applicable and alternate between "he" and his last name to avoid redundancy.
 * Ok.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:40, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In § Early life, I would lead with his full name as its his first mention in the body. Also:
 * Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:41, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Could his birthdate perhaps be incorporated?
 * If I knew it.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:42, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * What is "a Five-Star Camp"?
 * Not important and probably a distraction.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:39, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "Center High School (Monaca, Pennsylvania)" – recommend "Center High School in Monaca, Pennsylvania" as standard. Also:
 * OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:47, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I would make it "… in Monaca, Pennsylvania—which merged into Central Valley High School in 2010—before …" for better flow.
 * Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:49, 16 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "According to the Beaver County, Sports Hall of Fame" – is a comma needed here? Same for § Legacy.
 * Thx for pointing this out.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:50, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "… set two months earlier (December 10, 1983)" – "… on December 10, 1983" reads better.
 * OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:53, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "commenced involving four suspended black players on the team" – why does it mention their race??
 * Removed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:12, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "following a rape trial" – should it not be the rape trial?
 * Sure.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:15, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "with (Blaney, Martin, Blake and Barry Mungar)" – remove parentheses.
 * Moved paren to (with.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:18, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "which was filed February 9, 2009" – remove the year since it was just mentioned.
 * OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:21, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "two having National Basketball Association playing experience" – how about "two having experience playing for the National Basketball Association" instead?
 * OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:24, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "and who is notable" – is who needed here? Forgive me if this is standard in American English, which I do not speak.
 * Optional/removed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:29, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * "His son Peter, was" – recommend "His son, Peter, was" or remove the comma entirely.
 * Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:32, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

Refs
Passes spotcheck.

Others

 * Short description should go at the very top.
 * Moved from 3rd line to 1st line.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:34, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In external links, capitalise College stats.
 * Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:32, 17 August 2023 (UTC)