Talk:Rieko Kodama/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Indrian (talk · contribs) 17:06, 11 March 2018 (UTC)

I’ll take this. Finishing up one other review, but I will comment here soon. Indrian (talk) 17:06, 11 March 2018 (UTC)

Early Life and Education

 * ✅"Kodama grew an interest in designing advertising materials" - "Grew an interest" is awkward phrasing. Reword.
 * reowrded to "was interested"
 * ✅"She failed out of all her classes, and decided to dedicate herself fully to her art passion" - Does this mean she was pursuing archaeology for a bit? The article does not make it explicitly clear how failing her classes caused her to definitively choose art.
 * She failed among her indecisiveness, it seems, according to the source. It's never made clear she was actively pursuing archaeology. Reworded.
 * ✅"Kodama was intrigued by the industry as she rarely went to the arcades" - How does not going to the arcades make video games intriguing?
 * It piqued her curiosity because in not knowing anything about it, she thought it to be a good challenge. Reworded.

Early Work

 * ✅"She received requests so often that she has since forgotten every game she may have worked on." - While a true statement, it does not really contribute to our understanding of the subject. We already understand from previous sentences that she was working on bits and piec es of lots of different things.
 * removed

Phatasy Star
✅*"Although the core Phantasy Star series ended with Phantasy Star IV, Kodama has expressed interest in returning to the series." - Unencyclopedic, what she would like to do in the future is not relevant to understanding what she has done in the past. ✅*"Kodama did not assist with and refuses to comment on the massively multiplayer online RPGs in the series: Phantasy Star Online (2000) and Phantasy Star Universe (2006)." - Also unencyclopedic. There are lots of games she was not involved in. As she is not the creator of the series, her views on other games in the series are not really relevant.
 * "Kodama served as the main artist and designer for the game" - I think we should not use the word "designer" here because of the different meaning it has in Japan. In the West, if we call someone on a game a "designer" we mean they are involved in everything from plot to level layout to game mechanics.  This is what the Japanese call a planner.  A designer in Japan is an artist.  Kodama did not design Phantasy Star, but she did develop the look of many of the characters and settings and whatnot.  Calling her the main artist gets that point across better.
 * Understood. Fixed
 * ✅"was a significant inspiration for her when designing Phantasy Star" - Again, Kodama did not design the game as we think of it in the West, so maybe change this to something like "was a significant inspiration for her designs."
 * Fixed
 * ✅"particularly the Dragon Quest series which she found too pure and simple" - Same problem here; the mechanics and plot of the game were not developed by Kodama, but including her views on Dragon Quest implies she had a role in this aspect of the game.
 * I reworded this. She is saying the fantasy elements of Dragon Quest were too pure and simple, not the gameplay. "Take Dragon Quest, for example. I thought it was a pure, simple fantasy game, so I wanted to make something that wasn't like that. Like Star Wars, maybe... "
 * ✅"In the original story drafts, Kodama designed Lutz as a hermaphrodite" - Kodama did not write the story or develop the traits and backstories of the characters, she brought to life these creations through her artistic designs. Again we are giving her undue credit here.  Keep the part about how Lutz was a hermaphrodite since it played into her character design choice, but don't give Kodama credit for giving him that trait.
 * Fixed
 * ✅"She again led design for Phantasy Star II" - Again, the title designer means something different in Japanese. She did not design the game, she was the lead artist.
 * Fixed
 * Removed
 * Removed

Later Work
And that's it for now. Its not a bad article, so I will go ahead and place this review while concerns are addressed. Indrian (talk) 17:18, 21 March 2018 (UTC)
 * ✅Do you think it would be possible to include a little more on Skies of Arcadia? Unlike with Phantasy Star Kodama really was the main mover and shaker on this cult classic.
 * I added more. There is more info on Skies of Arcadia but I'm trying to keep this article focused on Kodama and her contributions. When she talks about Skies in most of her interviews, she talks more about "the team", and what "we" wanted to do. Not about herself, so it's hard to find out what was her thoughts and what was the team's.
 * Thanks, Done TarkusAB talk 15:39, 25 March 2018 (UTC)
 * Just pinging as a reminder. TarkusAB talk 02:38, 5 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I'll get this wrapped up early this week. Indrian (talk) 02:20, 8 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Did I say early this week, because I meant early the week after. Sorry this took so long, but your changes look good and I am ready to promote.  Well done! Indrian (talk) 13:19, 17 April 2018 (UTC)