Talk:Robert R. Wilson/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jamesx12345 (talk · contribs) 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC)

I'll review this in the next day or so. Jamesx12345 13:25, 16 February 2014 (UTC)


 * "who was a division leader of the" - "involved" or "heavily involved" might read better.
 * Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "Wilson and his Cornell colleagues constructed four electron synchrotrons." - doesn't say what these were for, quite abrupt.
 * It is described. Moved the sentence. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "the Fermilab" - "Fermilab"?
 * Doesn't read right without "the".
 * "but at the same time made it aesthetically pleasing" - could be omitted.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "which was at that time blossoming into the top American site for both" - "which was at that time developing into the foremost American site for both"
 * "(Ph.D.)" - "(PhD)" is more common
 * Another sign of the decline of American English. Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "He was later rehired at Luis Alvarez's urging" - "He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" - lest somebody should read it aloud or with a screenreader.
 * "He was later rehired the urging of Luis Alvarez" makes no sense. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * Sorry - meant to say "He was later rehired at the urging of Luis Alvarez"
 * "but soon melted a pair of pliers during a welding job, and was again fired." - "but melted an expensive pair of pliers whilst welding, and was fired again."
 * Done. Added an extra source for "expensive". Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "from the immensely more common" - "much more common" might be more appropriate, since U-235 makes up nearly 1% by mass.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * 100-ton test could be linked.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "Wilson attempted to raise the question" - "Wilson raised the question"
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * Association of Los Alamos Scientists can also be linked.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "but spent the first eight months of 1946 at Berkeley designing..." - could be clearer that it is for Harvard.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * Should ref 6 not be after the colon?
 * It can be, but I always put the references at the end of the block of text. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * The last reference (McDaniel, Boyce D.; Silverman, Albert) links to, which is about Philip Morrison. Wilson's bio can be found here.
 * Thanks. Fixed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "It did indeed..." - this is a bit odd - it reads as if there was originally something else there as well to provide some context.
 * It is in the quote. Slightly re-worded to make this more apparent. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "that remains in use today" - "today" can be omitted.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)
 * All points addressed. Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:46, 16 February 2014 (UTC)

Just a few more points. Jamesx12345 13:26, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the not-yet-created National Accelerator Laboratory which was to create the largest particle accelerator of its day at Batavia, Illinois." - "In 1967 he took a leave of absence from Cornell to assume directorship of the nascent National Accelerator Laboratory at Batavia, Illinois, which was to be largest particle accelerator constructed to date."
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "full-steam ahead style" - probably too colloquial, maybe "direct and involved" or something.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory (Fermilab for short)" - "renamed the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory or Fermilab"
 * Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "famed" - Fermi is probably famous enough that this can be omitted.
 * "famed" is usually unnecessary. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "herd of American Bisons that started" - is the plural of Bison not just Bison?
 * The wiktionary says that both are used but "bison" is preferred. Dropped the "s". Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * "honor" - I can't see any other words with spelling variations. As an American, it probably makes sense to keep it that way, but maybe with a template to advi
 * I can see more: "organize", "authorized", "labored". Added a "Use American English" template. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * Federal government can be linked.
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:16, 17 February 2014 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the quick fixes. Jamesx12345 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC)