Talk:Rowland Hayward

Clarity

 * I have fixed the issue in the introduction which mentioned "the Queen" but didn't say which one.
 * This sentence is also uninformative: "He was involved with John Hawkins's third voyage in 1567."
 * The average reader doesn't know who John Hawkins is. They have no option but to follow the link and read the whole article to find out if they are missing anything significant. This ought not be necessary, in order to make sense of an article.
 * The sentence should make sense, on its own: "As a trader, Hayward provided finance for enterprises such as the voyage of John Hawkins to the Caribbean in 1567" or ''"In 1567 Hayward was to profit from the slave trade such as that of John Hawkin's journey from Africa to ......" etc.
 * I have no idea what is meant by "was involved with", so it will have to be rewritten by someone who does.

Amandajm (talk) 13:44, 20 April 2013 (UTC)