Talk:Royal necropolis of Byblos/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: AirshipJungleman29 (talk · contribs) 17:00, 24 April 2022 (UTC)

I'll take this review. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 17:00, 24 April 2022 (UTC)


 * @AirshipJungleman29 Thank you for taking the time to do this. el.ziade (talkallam) 10:36, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it well written?
 * A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
 * B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
 * 1) Is it verifiable with no original research?
 * A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
 * B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons&mdash;science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
 * C. It contains no original research:
 * D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
 * B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
 * 1) Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
 * 1) Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Pass or Fail:

Source spot check
, the sources you have provided appear to be reliable. However, page numbers are needed for certain citations: numbers 13, 100 (which cites page 2166, which isn't an option), and 102.
 * Citation#13 is a digital copy, I will add the entry location.
 * Citation#100 - Done
 * Citation#102 - Done

Since my French is not that great, could I ask you to provide the relevant quote and a translation from these ten citations:
 * 5: Huss 1985, p. 561.
 * 20: Dussaud 1956, p. 9.
 * 21: D. 1921, pp. 333–334.
 * 42: Montet 1928, pp. 145–146.
 * 48: Montet 1928, pp. 152–153.
 * 52: Dussaud 1924, p. 143.
 * 74: Montet 1928, p. 230.
 * 87: Pottier 1922, pp. 298–299.
 * 91: Montet 1928, p.220
 * 102: Lehmann 2015
 * for sure, please see the below table

If all is good, I will assume good faith for the rest. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 10:57, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

Spelling and grammar
Spelling and grammar are generally good. The biggest problem is capitalisation, which is inconsistent. I will give all examples I find below, in addition to other corrections. If I 'incorrectly correct', so to speak, feel free to advise me.

Lead
Capitalisation
 * "known in Antiquity"
 * "ancient Byblos" vs "Ancient Byblos"
 * "ornate Khopesh sickle swords"
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 21:42, 26 April 2022 (UTC)

Other issues
 * "serving vessels.The graves"
 * "were sealed-off" - no hyphen necessary.
 * "some of the graves, these were built" - "which were"?
 * "survived into modern times, the burial chambers that did not" connective needed.
 * "one of five epigraphs known Byblos royal inscriptions" ??? wording seems to be very muddled AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 11:14, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
 * And Done el.ziade (talkallam) 21:42, 26 April 2022 (UTC)

Historical background
Capitalisation
 * "the canaanite Gubal."
 * "fall of the Old kingdom."
 * "In 1725 BC, The Egyptian delta"
 * " the Gebalite King Rib-Hadda"
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Other issues
 * "and became a major trade center with population centers in Mesopotamia, Anatolia, Crete, and Egypt." unclear. Do you mean trade center with links to population centers, or trade center with diasporan population centers?
 * No, not with the diaspora. They established trade with other cities in the Western Asian and Mediterranean cities. I will try to clarify this. el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)


 * "early on" - precisely?
 * You're right it's not precise and redundant because Egyptian hegemony was established during the Old Kingdom. el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)


 * "and it was once more" --> it came once more?
 * Yes! thanks. I wish I could 'think' in English lol el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Excavation history
Capitalisation
 * "two long trenches dug; The trenches"
 * "High commissioner General Henri Gouraud"
 * "Service of Antiquities in Lebanon" is sometimes uncapitalised
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Other issues
 * "Strabo identified Byblos as a city situated on a hill some distance away from the sea." maybe cite the ancient text?
 * "Pierre Montet, was selected to head the excavations; he arrived at Beirut on 17 October 1921." First name already given, so unneeded; comma unnecessary, semicolon also unnecessary in such a short sentence — connective will do.
 * "Charles Virolleaud, who was then the head of the newly created Lebanese service of antiquities," you've already said the latter part, and first name is again unneeded.
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Location
Capitalisation Other issues
 * "Located 42 kilometres (26 mi) North of Beirut"
 * "the higher seaside promontory summit" — unclear, describe precise location in terms of geological features you have already established.
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Description
Issues
 * "Ancient looters broke into" --> had broken into
 * Done


 * For dimensions, see Convert multiple dimensions
 * Done where applicable


 * "The west wall, which isolated it from the exterior seaside cliff collapsed during a landslide on 16 February 1922." You've already established the landslide and the date, so "The west wall... had collapsed during the landslide."
 * Good one!el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)


 * " The opening lead" --> leads
 * Done el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)


 * I assume each tomb has a single well associated with it, and so Tomb I is next to Well I, Tomb II has Well II, etc. Make this clear.
 * Good point, I added this detail in the lead.


 * Note c — is the French quote really needed?
 * The French scholar made an observation that was later contested. I prefer to include quotes in such instances. If you believe it's redundant please let me know. el.ziade (talkallam) 12:53, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Finds
Capitalisation Other issues
 * "depicts the King on"
 * "The Khopesh of tomb II"
 * "King Ip-Shemu-Abi" or "king Ip-Shemu-Abi"
 * "This observation" not really an observation, more an aspect
 * "Tomb I sarcophagus" --> the sarcophagus of Tomb I, same for others.
 * " the bottom of tank in the body of the sarcophagus" ???
 * "The back of the lid is rounded and striated with irregularly sized lengthwise meplats." probably too technical, especially as the meplat link describes bullets
 * "The sarcophagus measures 2.97 meters (9.7 ft) long by 1,115 meters (3,658 ft) wide and is 1.4 meters (4.6 ft) tall, lid included." single sentence paragraph not needed, add to either previous or next paragraph
 * "each of the sides bared their chests" - tense should be present
 * "only one tenon" — tenon? what's a that? link?
 * Note F — is the French quote necessary? Or the English one for that matter.
 * "repelled and chiseled" — what's the intended meaning of repelled here?
 * " Tomb two" keep the Roman numerals consistent through the article.
 * I reviewed the above; I replaced meplats (directly translated from French) with fluting. Replaced tenon with lugs. I prefer to keep the French quotes. I removed 'repelled', I can't find an English equivalent. el.ziade (talkallam) 13:43, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Dating, attribution and function
Capitalisation Other issues
 * " the 12th Dynasty" — should either be The Twelfth Dynasty or Dynasty XII. Should be linked here, too.
 * "(Romanized also as"
 * "to the vases vases"
 * "Egyptologist" has already been linked
 * Linked in the lead once and in the body once el.ziade (talkallam) 13:56, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

That'll do for now. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 14:51, 26 April 2022 (UTC)
 * " New Kingdom of Egyt"
 * "reigns of the Abishemu and Ip-Shemu-Abi" unnecessary the
 * "dynasty rulers.[28]]][95][96]"
 * "Ahirma's"
 * Link Faience"
 * "Montet likened the Byblos tombs to mastabas and explains that" keep tense consistent.
 * "toomb"
 * To be extremely pedantic, the image caption "Gold oenochoe from Tomb IV in Mycenae." shouldn't have a full stop.
 * Thank you for your review, I really appreciate it.el.ziade (talkallam) 13:56, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Layout

 * Thanks for the review, will work on the current issues for now.

, in terms of layout, the article is mostly good. MOS:LIST and WP:WAF are not applicable, and it satisfied MOS:WTW and WP:MOSLAYOUT. However, as brought up in the peer review, the lead section is too long, and includes far too much unneeded information. For an article of this length, it should be three good-length paragraphs, or four at an absolute maximum (see MOS:LEADLENGTH). I have outlined a lead I think would be appropriate in this sandbox of mine; I strongly urge you to consider it, especially if you intend to take the article to FAC. Otherwise, excellent work so far. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 15:05, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

I have also edited the notes, citations, and bibliography sections, for better visual layout; if you don't like it, feel free to revert. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 15:12, 27 April 2022 (UTC)
 * I dread the leads the most, thank you for your help with this. I hope I didn't miss anything, please let me know if I have or if you have more comments.el.ziade (talkallam) 12:34, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Run through

 * Some corrections noted in the dating, attribution and function section above are not done ("vases vases" etc.)
 * Links needed in the lead: Ernest Renan, exploratory trenches, sarcophagi.
 * "who unearthed during later works eight additional shaft tombs" --> "who unearthed eight additional shaft tombs during later works"
 * "where the deceased takes the form of a bird, and flies from" --> "where the deceased is believed to take the form of a bird and fly from"
 * I note Lehmann 2015 is apparently a report from a conference paper; maybe use cite conference?
 * I reviewed the above, I think I got everything covered now.el.ziade (talkallam) 19:09, 29 April 2022 (UTC)

I can find nothing else at the moment, I'll take a day to give my mind a break, have a final run-through, and after that it should be a formality,. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 13:09, 28 April 2022 (UTC)
 * I'm really embarrassed, some issues escaped me

Final checks
Corrected a few duplicate links, but all looks good. Congratulations! Promoting now. AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 13:57, 1 May 2022 (UTC)


 * @AirshipJungleman29 Thank you so much for your efforts. You made the article significantly better. el.ziade (talkallam) 18:42, 1 May 2022 (UTC)