Talk:Ruby (Supernatural)/GA1

GA Review
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Hey, I'm going to try and review this following the rules for GA reviews at Good Article criteria. I'll leave comments on my review as I go along, feel free to repond to my comments under each one and remember to sign each response. Rudy 22:26, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

At a glance

 * After a quick overview the article doesn't seem to fall into "quick-fail" criteria. Rudy 22:52, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Coverage

 * Fine, extensive enough, no major topic missed out. Rudy 22:56, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Structure

 * Seems ok, one thing I would say though, your 'Plot' section should probably be re-titled as 'Appearances' to conform with other articles of a similar scope. Rudy 23:14, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * ✅Done Rudy 15:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Prose

 * There are a few typos and other issues that need to be sorted out. I'll flag them by going through each section individually. Rudy 23:42, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Appearances
Overall this section is quite large, more than half the rest of the article. I won't ask that you shorten it now but as a way of further improving the article it might be good to shorten this section, there is a lot of unnecessary detail.


 * Paragraph 1, line 7 - Typo, should be "their death throes are similar to...". Also I've checked the link you sight for "the Colt" and there is no description here as to how they die when shot... So maybe describe this.
 * Para3, ln 1 - maybe include a description of what a devil's trap is...
 * Para4, ln 1 - Typo, should be "As revealed in the later episode".
 * Para5, ln 1 - Tense, should be "tell him the truth about what he had been doing...".
 * Para5, ln 2 - Confusing sentence, should be "In "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester", Ruby learns that Dean..."
 * Para6 - See if you can write the end part of this paragraph again, it's a bit confusing. Is Ruby tortured by Alastair or someone else? Is Alastair there to help or what? Does Anna steal Ruby's actual 'grace' as in the human characteristic or does grace refer to something else and if so what effect does taking her grace have on Ruby? Remember this needs to be understood by someone who's never seen the show before.
 * Para7, ln 1 - Same again, what seal's are you referring to, this is the first instance they've been mentioned and they need explaining. Rudy 13:01, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Development
I won't wait for this to be done before passing it. It's just a suggestion to make the article better. Rudy 13:19, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * There's no grammatical issues but there's a few things about the section that could do with improving. As far as I can tell there's no actual description in this section as to how the character progresses in the way she affects the story line which is what this section should be about. I understand that she was part of the show for a short time and so it's difficult to do this in detail but take a quick look at the development subsection of another secondary character such as the one on Cordelia Chase. Now I don't expect yours to be anything like this, obviously this character had a lot more involvement for a longer period of time and so a lot can be written but take a look at how the section is formed. Description of how the character is first used and then better integrated into the story line etc. I've seen you've done things like this in the 'Appearances' section, so maybe take them out of there and put them in here. Also the second paragraph of this section is made up solidly of one quote. Maybe reduce the quote and expand it by discussing it in your own words.

Adjusting for the role

 * Fine. Rudy 13:21, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Reception

 * Fine. Rudy 13:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Images

 * The image is ok to use but keep a look out for any free alternatives that might come about. Rudy 14:39, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Lead

 * Lead's all right. There's something about the first paragraph with the tenses that doesn't sound right though. I'm not an English teacher but its seems in the third line you have "and continues to assist them throughout the season." which although I don't know the proper name for the tense is some form of present tense I think. And then in the next sentence you have "By season four, she has won Sam's trust" which is some form of past tense. Try and keep it all in the same tense, so make it "In season four, she wins Sam's trust" or something similar.
 * Para1 ln6, you have "Dean always distrusts her". Doesn't sound right either, it's maybe a bit too definitive. Try changing it to "Dean maintains an air of distrust for her" or something along those lines.
 * Same sentence, you have that her intention all along has been to break the final seal to release Lucifer, this is a bit too in depth to be in the Lead. You don't want to drop the reader into the thick of it by mentioning something like the "the final seal to release Lucifer". You also give away the ending! Maybe change this to just saying that she's been using him to serve her own evil ends or something. Rudy 15:05, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Overall

 * The article is good and only needed minor changes. I'll be back tomorrow to check on it and hopefully pass it. Rudy 15:07, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Ophois is away from his computer right now, and he asked me to keep an eye on this GAN, so I'll try and address the issues you mention. We've been kinda teaming up on Supernatural GANs, so I'm pretty much up to speed. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 02:28, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I've made some adjustments. I haven't changed para7 yet, or the devolopement section.  I'll do those soon. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 00:32, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I made more adjustments, hopefully taking care of all your points. I added a bit to the Devolopment section, but it's not as good as the Cordelia one for the reasons you mention.  If you want anything else done, I'm ready to do more. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 17:11, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

One last thing!

 * Totally forgot to mention it, was the first thing I noticed and then forgot. The first line in the lead needs to be "Ruby was a fictional character" if the character has been discontinued. I'll pass it anyway and let you change it later. Rudy 20:56, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I've changed the entire lead to past tense. It should be ok now. Rreagan007 (talk) 21:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Verdict
PASSED Rudy 20:56, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review!!! - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 00:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)