Talk:Rutherford B. Hayes/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Racepacket (talk) 04:49, 22 October 2010 (UTC) Article needs substantial work to meet GA standards. I am placing it on hold. Seeing no changes, it is failed.

The article links to a disambiguation page: William Allen. Comments are presented below, section by section:

Early life

 * "though he had already graduated after the Fraternity Chapter was chartered." - should be "before." Another approach would be to explain that it was in conjucntion with Hayes' sons joining that chapter. I suggest moving this to the Family section, because it did not impact his early life.
 * "He was admitted to the bar on May 10, 1845" could be "to the Ohio bar"
 * "the partnership in Fremont " - lacks an antecedent
 * "of law.In 1856" - spaces

Military service

 * "Hayes was also a member of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows (I.O.O.F).[8]" - Sentence is out of place. Perhaps move it to Early Life section, unless you can establish IOOF's relationship to his military service.
 * "He proved competent enough at field command that by August 1862, he had been promoted to colonel, receiving command of his original regiment after being wounded in action at the Battle of South Mountain, Maryland, on September 14." Rewrite this run on sentence. Either you are saying that he received command of the 23rd Regiment sometime after September 14, or you have the dates reversed. You imply a causal connection between being wounded and receiving command of the 23rd Regiment.

Hayes and McKinley
Discussion of this topic could be expanded.
 * This section distracts from the chronological presentation perhaps move to after campaign for Ohio Governor or integrate into other sections.
 * ". The two become fraternal brothers of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows.[8] " Confusing as to time and causation. Either both joined the IOOF and discovering that common fact started their friendship. Or they met first and joined IOOF together.  Why is this sentence in the present tense?
 * " During Hayes' first Ohio gubernatorial race, McKinley engaged in political campaigning and rallying for Hayes' election by" could be "McKinley worked in Hayes's first gubernatorial campaign by"

Early political career

 * "While still in the Shenandoah in 1864," could be "While still serving in the Army in 1864,"

Governor of Ohio

 * " because of his stance on Reconstruction, which was the main issue of the general election. " This requires more explanation and is counterintuitive.  Explain why Reconstruction is an issue in the Governor's race, rather than being a focus of just Congressional races. Specifically, was the ratification of the Civil War Amendments a campaign issue?

Election of 1876

 * "by his convention" could be "by the Republican convention"
 * " After his election to the Senate" - need year or date to give a frame of reference.
 * "but four states' electoral college votes were contested. " should be "but Republicans had challenged the outcome of votes in three Southern states alleging voter intimidation and fraud. Republican governors in two of those states certified the Republican slate of electors, and the electors of other state were not certified by anyone."
 * " After his election to the Senate, Davis resigned his seat on the Court and on the Commission." In general this is not a fair summary of Wikipedia's more detailed article.  For example, you might say, "Democrats in Illinois decided to elect Davis to the Senate on the eve of his serving on the Commission.  To their surprise, Davis resigned from the both the Court and the Commission to take his Senate seat, leaving only Republican Supreme Court justices to fill his vacancy on the Commission. "  Article must explain how or why a Republican was chosen for the tie-breaking position on the Commission.
 * Article should explain that the Compromise of 1877 ended the possibility of further fighting by the Congress over the outcome of the election.
 * Did the Compromise of 1877 include the funding of internal improvements in the South?

Presidency

 * Perhaps add a subheading over the first paragraph of Inauguration.
 * change "was rebuilt under primarily Republican state governments." to "was rebuilt under Federal supervison." Federal troops were used to enforce Reconstruction policies, including federal civil rights laws, etc.

Civil service reform
Explain that Hayes was not consistent in applying reform to his own administration, and left that to individual cabinet members. Some departments retained a spoils system.
 * "Senators appointed men to government positions in their states." Technically, they didn't appoint. How about "Senators selected who would fill federal positions in their states."
 * Explain that Chester Arthur was serving in the Customs House when Hayes fired him, it is implied but not clearly stated.
 * Note that the Pendleton bill was signed by Chester Arthur when he became President.

Domestic policy

 * "the Panic of 1873" explain, perhaps in a discussion of the campaign or the circumstances leading up to Hayes' election.

Foreign policy

 * "Immigration problems soon resulted. " Too vague to be meaningful to the reader. Why is this paragraph under Foreign policy?  It reads like domestic policy to me.  Perhaps you should discuss immigration first in the Domestic policy section and then have a sentence in foreign policy that said that the treaty was renegotiated in response to those pressures and events.

Notable legislation
I do not believe that this section complies with WP:LIST. Consider incorporating prose into the above sections.

Significant events
I do not believe that this section complies with WP:LIST. Consider incorporating prose into the above sections.

Post-Presidency

 * "Hayes began trust funds that purposed to educate poor southern whites and blacks." Explain source of funds. Did he donate them personally or solicited funds from the public?
 * "Hayes also served on the Board of Trustees of The Ohio State University, the school he helped found during his time as governor of Ohio, from the end of his Presidency until his death." Awkward. How about "From the end of his Presidency until his death, Hayes also served on the Board of Trustees of The Ohio State University, the school he helped found during his time as governor of Ohio."
 * "Rutherford Birchard Hayes died" just use last name.

Family
Why is this at the end of the article? Possibly include discussion of his sons and his becoming an honorary fraternity member here rather than in Early Life It is odd that none of his children lead lives sufficiently notable to be covered in a separate Wikipedia article. Wikify Lucy Webb Hayes his wife and James Webb Cook Hayes his son and check the rest. (I know they are linked in the infobox, but I suggest linking in the body as well.)

Breadth
Check what other historians have considered worthy of coverage. For example, lecturers at the Hayes Library.
 * Explain Hayes' role in the election of 1880. Was he actively supporting a candidate?  Anything notable about the Presidential transition?
 * Discuss the Rutherford B. Hayes Center Library as the first presidential library.
 * Expand discussion of relationship with McKinley.
 * Expand Custom House fight into the broader context of Presidential power. Lincoln expanded it, and Reconstution represented a new peak. However, the impeachment of Johnson represented a counter-reaction to broad Presidential power.  How did the Hayes Administration generally reflect the historic trend, falling between Grant and Teddy Roosevelt?
 * No coverage of cabinet other than wikitable. (I would float the wikitable besides some text in the Presidency section and add some discussion of how Hayes used his cabinet.) His White House biography says, "For his Cabinet he chose men of high caliber, but outraged many Republicans because one member was an ex-Confederate and another had bolted the party as a Liberal Republican in 1872."  Perhaps you should include this.
 * Aside from its role in Munn, what did the Hayes administration do to implement and apply the 13-15th amendments?
 * Hayes inherited the Civil Rights Act of 1875. What did his administration do to enforce it? Did his Justice Department side with African Americans in the courts?
 * Explain Hayes' stance of prohibition and his fears that the Prohibitionist party was attracting dry Republicans.
 * I found a source which stated "In the pre-Civil War years, while an attorney in Cincinnati, he had often defended blacks and runaway slaves." Considering adding that fact to the Early Years section to help balance the impression created about Hayes' position on race relations.