Talk:SMS Von der Tann/GA1

GA Review
This review is transcluded from Talk:SMS Von der Tann/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

After reviewing and copyediting the article, I am happy to pass this as GA. My only significant issue is the very long unbroken chuck of text in World War I; consider breaking it up for ease of reading. Otherwise a very good article that I thoroughly enjoyed. I have left some further comments below.--Jackyd101 (talk) 13:03, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I've made some slight changes during my copyedit for grammar reasons and to clarify things a little more. If you strongly disagree with any of them then let me know here.
 * Some technical terms that should be linked aren't. I've listed a couple here but there are probably more I missed. If the article or a relevant section of a larger article doesn't exist, consider creating one: tar-oil firing, lattice masts
 * You switch between "Blohm and Voss" and "Blohm & Voss", while the article is at "Blohm + Voss", pick one and stick with it.
 * If the crew were drawn from Rheinland what crew did that ship use?
 * The World War I section needs more headers to break up a very long passage of prose. I recommend at least one for the Battle of Jutland.
 * I've removed that Sunderland is in Yorkshire as its not true and risks offending everyone in both Sunderland and Yorkshire.


 * Your copyediting seems fine to me, no problems there. As for the two technical terms that need to be linked, I'm no geologist, and the sources don't go into any detail about what tar-oil firing is (probably safe to say that the boilers could combust tar-oil, but I don't know exactly how that's different from regular oil). I'll start an article about lattice masts, perhaps later on today, and add the link to this article. I've standardized "Blohm + Voss" to how the article on Wiki spells it. As for Rheinland, I'll have to do some digging to figure out what happened irt her new crew. I'll also look into splitting up the WWI service section. Not sure how I got Sunderland in Yorkshire, but thanks for fixing it. No intention on offending anyone :) Thanks for your assessment of the article, and for the pointers in how to further improve it. Parsecboy (talk) 18:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I've created a short article about Lattice masts, and linked to it from this article. I'm still in the process of figuring out exactly what tar oil is. Parsecboy (talk) 00:29, 10 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I think I've figured it out; it appears to be Coal tar oil. I'll add the link to the article shortly. Parsecboy (talk) 17:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Isn't the point not so much what tar oil is, as what they did with it to supplement coal firing? I would guess the quality of the oil didn't matter too much? Did I gather it was sprayed onto the coal to make it burn better? (that was a general point of how it was used: might not apply here)Sandpiper (talk) 09:12, 23 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I was actually thinking about this last night after I had signed off, and I think I've got the wording to solve your suggestion, while fix something else at the same time.I'll make a couple of changes, take a look when I'm done and let me know what you think. Parsecboy (talk) 11:35, 23 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I've done a slight rearrangement and added a bit more to help explain this better, let me know what you think. Parsecboy (talk) 11:56, 23 July 2008 (UTC)