Talk:SS Vernon/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 10:12, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments That's it on a first review, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 13:28, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * It would be far more useful to link "freighter" than "American".
 * " on October 29, 1887 near Two Rivers, Wisconsin with" commas after 1887 and Wisconsin.
 * I'm surprised by the order of the lead. I would imagine I'd learn a bit about its service before I learnt about its demise.
 * " of Detroit, Michigan. She was sold to Pridgeon as compensation" -> " of Detroit, Michigan, to whom she was sold as compensation"
 * Consider linking barge.
 * And "charter".
 * Probably only needs three paras in the lead for an article of this size, maximum.
 * "Official number 161557" what is that?
 * "spared no expense" not enyclopedic.
 * " lounge. She cost" looks like these two sentences need to be merged.
 * I would add inflation to that figure too so we know what it means in the context of 2021.
 * What's a "draft" in this context?
 * "when compared narrow beam," I literally don't understand this.
 * " August 29, 1886 near " comma after year.
 * "in the Duluth - Port Arthur, Ontario" I'd expect an unspaced en-dash here.
 * What are " scow barges "?
 * " to Pridgeon on July 22, 1887, as Pridgeon " repetitive.
 * "; she was" -> "and was"
 * "Chicago, Illinois for Cheboygan, Michigan on" commas after the states.
 * "October 20, 1887 under" comma aftere 1887.
 * -->   etc.
 * " Leeland, Michigan at" comma after Michigan.
 * "Vernon proceeded to leave Frankfort," -> "Vernon left Frankfort,"
 * Don't think you need to link common words like "potato".
 * " and general merchandise"->" and other general merchandise"
 * "she stopped at"->"where she stopped".
 * "The high death toll" no need for "high", that's self-evident.
 * "November 7" year?
 * In "Vernon today" section, Milwaukee and Two Rivers overlinked (twice).
 * Ref 10 should be pp. 7–8
 * Ref 23 should be pp. 10–11
 * Spaced hyphens in the sources should be spaced en-dashes per MOS.


 * All done. GreatLakesShips (talk) 14:37, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * You missed several aspects but I addressed them. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 16:39, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Sorry. Thank you for fixing them. GreatLakesShips (talk) 16:41, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Ok, promoted. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 16:42, 6 March 2021 (UTC)