Talk:Salvatore A. Cotillo/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: EricEnfermero (talk · contribs) 20:07, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

I am happy to review this. At first glance, the prose seems enjoyable. More detailed comments to follow. EricEnfermero (Talk) 20:07, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

Lead

 * I would remove Naples and New York City from the opening sentence per MOS:BLPLEAD. ✅
 * Italian born - missing hyphen ✅
 * The infobox suggests that he was the first Italian American on the NY Supreme Court, while the lead could be interpreted differently - the first Italian American serving on the NY Supreme Court First District. ✅ I added that he was nominated in the First District to distinguish the Court from the districts. - DonCalo (talk) 22:54, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

From Naples to New York

 * "Born in Naples in Italy" - would go with "Naples, Italy" or just "Naples" - link Naples since you would take it out of the opening sentence. ✅
 * minor typos - "ad been a caterer" and "pastry an confectionery shop" ✅
 * two mentions of Cotillo's father being a caterer - could do without one of them ✅ First he was a caterer in Naples and subsequently in New York. I changed it to: "His father took up catering again ..." - DonCalo (talk) 23:01, 15 August 2015 (UTC)
 * "He has been credited to have introduced" - "with introducing" or "with the introduction of" ✅
 * link Manhattan College ✅
 * "His passion was baseball; he was a New York Giants fan and used to clean the seats of the stadium in exchange for free tickets" - portions of this seem closely paraphrased to the Gill source. ✅ rewritten.
 * "he graduated in law at the Fordham University" - "completed a law degree from Fordham University" or "finished law school at Fordham University" ✅
 * comma after Giosue Gallucci ✅
 * "According to Cotillo, 'to Gallucci...'" - awkward to describe Cotillo's view of Gallucci's view of people. Consider rewriting - maybe "Cotillo felt that Gallucci looked at others as..." ✅ rephrased the section - DonCalo (talk) 03:26, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Early political career

 * "an political club" - a ✅
 * "Eventually, Cotillo would be elected" - may be awkward to describe 1912 as "eventually" after you have already mentioned 1913. ✅ deleted Eventually - DonCalo (talk) 23:18, 15 August 2015 (UTC)
 * unlink second mention of New York State Assembly ✅

New York senator

 * "sitting in the 140th, 141st (both for the 20th District)" - consider rewriting as "He served the 20th District in the 140th and 141st... and and represented the 18th District in the 142nd..." ✅
 * "and stiffen the Italians to continue..." - do you mean "encourage" the Italians? ✅
 * Grand Officer of the Italian Crown - is this entry the same thing? Consider linking. ✅

Social reforms

 * minor typos: dead threats (death threats) and loses (losses) ✅

Troublesome...

 * minor typo: rising rension (tension) ✅
 * I don't understand why he would have to caution Americans that the American way was better. ✅ changed it to Italian-American countrymen - DonCalo (talk) 23:26, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

New York Supreme Court justice

 * I don't see where the cited reference supports that he was the first Italian American to serve in the NY Supreme Court First District. ✅ added reference - DonCalo (talk) 02:59, 16 August 2015 (UTC)
 * inconsistent spelling of organized versus organisations - the z might be most appropriate for an NYC politician and judge. In an earlier section, there is neighbourhood, a British English spelling, and programmes. Just need to consistently use American or British English. ✅ American English - DonCalo (talk) 02:52, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Death and legacy

 * "Mrs. Helen Paterno" - drop the Mrs. ✅
 * If I have it right, this sounds like Helen married the son of prominent real estate developer Charles V. Paterno - might be worth a one-line mention. ✅
 * "the New York Times" - change to The New York Times ✅

Good job on this article! After this feedback is addressed, I will take one final look, but I think this is well on its way to GA status. EricEnfermero (Talk) 21:56, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

GA list

 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Great work on this entry! Strong referencing and interesting reading. Thanks for your prompt responses.
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * Nominator adequately addressed feedback on syntax.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * Source searches indicate that the major aspects are covered.
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Great work! Promoting to GA. EricEnfermero (Talk) 03:35, 16 August 2015 (UTC)
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Great work! Promoting to GA. EricEnfermero (Talk) 03:35, 16 August 2015 (UTC)
 * Great work! Promoting to GA. EricEnfermero (Talk) 03:35, 16 August 2015 (UTC)