Talk:Sanam Marvi

Regional or bad English?
USER:Jonesey95, you didn't offer any edit reason, but unless this article is written in a regional variant of English that I don't know about, much of it is just clumsy use of English. This edit restores the sentence "Marvi started getting music training at the age of 7". The meaning is exactly the same without the 'clumsy' italicised word, ditto the other changes. Meaning is not altered at all but phrasing and flow are improved and made more coherent. The very short sentences restored, create text lacking narrative flow.

I admit, I accidentally put the wrong brackets on the Ustad Fateh Ali Khan name, but what possible reason is there to 'de-link' him.

In general terms the article is uninformative. Marvi gives a very long detailed interview about her early life, which is WP:SYNTHed as "Sanam Marvi's childhood was full of hardships and poverty", which is just about the one thing she doesn't say AFAI can see. The main points of her story should be summarised and rendered as 'her' version of the story, rather than SYNTHed into WP:VOICE.

Also, when addressing a global readership, as WP does, sentences need some context which would not be needed when speaking to a regional audience. "Classical music" (training or singing) has a completely different meaning to most English-speaking audiences. I presume Marvi learnt the classical music of her own culture, but had no idea how to refer to it properly or what to link to, but it does need to be made clear if a global audience is to be able to read, understand, and respect Marvi's artistry.

It is up to you, I merely point these things out as to how I believe a western reader would react to the phrasing and info. Pincrete (talk) 16:06, 13 June 2024 (UTC)
 * I reverted only to fix the WP:REDNOT problem. Please use Preview before publishing your edits. – Jonesey95 (talk) 16:22, 13 June 2024 (UTC)