Talk:Sartono/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kavyansh.Singh (talk · contribs) 10:12, 2 January 2022 (UTC) Nominator The man from Gianyar (talk · contribs) at 09:30, 8 December 2021 (UTC)

General

 * Following terms are wiki-linked multiple times in the article. Suggesting to import this script. They should be linked only twice——once in the lead section, and once in the prose:
 * People's Representative Council
 * Sukarno
 * Indonesian National Party
 * Surakarta
 * Mohammad Hatta
 * People's Representative Council of the United States of Indonesia
 * Mohammad Yamin
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 10:41, 2 January 2022 (UTC)

Detailed

 * politician and lawyer — un-link, these are everyday words.
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * the province — the linking makes it appear as WP:EGG
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * first Speaker — lowercase, per MOS:JOBTITLE
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Indonesian National Party on all instances except the first one in lead and prose should be replaced by PNI
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * BPUPK — is never again used in the lead. Do we need to define the abbreviation?
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * People's Representative Council — except the first instance, it should be "DPR"
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:02, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Was "Sartono" his full name. What is "Mas" in "Raden Mas Sartono"?
 * Raden Mas is a compound title, a combination of the title Raden and Mas. So it is not his full name. Will delete. – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * While his mother, was a — remove 'While' and the comma
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * If his mother was a decedent of " Prince Mangkunegara III", we should not use "also"
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 11:00, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * at the Europeesche Lagere School (ELS) — 'ELS' is never again. Do we need to define the abbreviation?
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 13:52, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * he was easily accepted — I'd remove 'easily'
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 13:52, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * He arrived in Batavia at Kemayoran Station. — Important to mention? I see this and him travelling with his father as trivia info.
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 09:00, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * On various instances, "Sartono" can be replaced by a suitable pronoun.
 * – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 17:58, 3 January 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 07:17, 11 January 2022 (UTC)


 * He received the blessings of his parents — Trivia; remove.
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 09:00, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Together with his friends from Leiden, Iskaq Tjokrohadisurjo, Budiarto Martoatmodjo, and Soenario. — incomplete sentence
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 09:00, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * a man named Jasin. Jasin — repetition of Jasin. Better merge those two sentences
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:09, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * What was the impact of his speech on "freedom of association and press"?
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:09, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * four of PNI's leaders – who were sentenced to prison time — change to "four of PNI's leaders, later sentenced to prison time"
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:09, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Sartono himself was not arrested, — remove 'himself'
 * – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 17:58, 3 January 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 00:35, 4 January 2022 (UTC)


 * he became an advocate for the Swadeshi movement — It links to Indian Swadeshi movement. Was he associated with it? If so, we'll need context as to how did associate with India.
 * – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 17:58, 3 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I've added Around the same period, the Swadeshi movement in Colonial India began capturing the attention of the many politically active Indonesians. This included Sartono, who became an advocate for the movement, and also chaired a commission on the movement within Partindo. is that enough? – The man from Gianyar (talk) 07:05, 11 January 2022 (UTC)


 * and in 1933 the party's — comma after 1933
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 13:38, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * "almost immediately" — almost immediately after what?
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:09, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * He was not elected for the position in April 1947 — do we mean that he lost the election?
 * ✅ — The man from Gianyar (talk) 06:32, 4 January 2022 (UTC)


 * During the Dutch–Indonesian Round Table Conference, Sartono was a general adviser — should be "Sartono served as a general adviser during the Dutch–Indonesian Round Table Conference"
 * ✅ — The man from Gianyar (talk) 06:32, 4 January 2022 (UTC)


 * on 21 February 1950 — comma after 1950
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 13:38, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * without success — "unsuccessfully'
 * ✅ — The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:04, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * and the Indonesian Communist Party in addition — comma after 'Party'
 * ✅ — The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:04, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Do we know the dates for his acting-presidential tenure in December 1957?
 * According to the source he took office on 20 December 1957, but thats it, no end date. Its a bit ambiguous, don't you think? – The man from Gianyar (talk) 13:31, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
 * Yes, in that case, leave it as it is. Thanks for clarification, though. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 13:45, 2 January 2022 (UTC)


 * After several years of unemployment — should be "After several years of being unemployed"
 * ✅ — The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:04, 3 January 2022 (UTC)

That is it. Nice work!

Images

 * Images can take ALT text.
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 07:17, 11 January 2022 (UTC)


 * All the images except the signature need PD US tags as well. See Commons:Commons:Hirtle chart
 * ✅ – The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:30, 3 January 2022 (UTC)


 * File:Old Building of the People's Representative Council of Indonesia.jpg — This was published in a book. why is this believed to be "published and distributed by the Government of Republic of Indonesia"?
 * The book was published and distributed by the Government of the Republic of Indonesia.  — The man from Gianyar (talk) 08:04, 3 January 2022 (UTC)