Talk:Scatterlings of Africa

Copy edits
I'm getting the sense you're a little cheesed off with the prose here, and since I wrote all of it, I'd rather here any critique directly that via edit-summaries, which are easy to misinterpret. I knocked this up out of nothing in a couple of hours, so I wasn't exactly trying to write deathless prose, but I didn't think it was appalling... Vanamonde (Talk) 04:40, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Your point being? Ceoil  (talk) 04:43, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I'm asking what about the article you think made it unfit even for DYK, where basic grammar and complete sentences are pretty much the only requirement. I'm also asking if you've fixed what your issues are, or whether they're part of a larger problem with the article; if so, I'd like to fix it. Given that our last interaction didn't end badly, I was hoping we could do so amicably. Vanamonde (Talk) 04:49, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * You put it up for DKY, so some editorial feedback must have been expected. I'm not inclined to go back and forth with you on every little detail before I correct, so you can either take or leave. No odds to me. Ceoil  (talk) 04:55, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I haven't challenged your edits; I'm actively asking you for more feedback; why are you being grouchy with me? Vanamonde (Talk) 04:58, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I think we might be getting on the wrong feet here. I know you from around, and you always seem grand; maybe I took my changes as self explanatory and wasn't clear enough. Nevertheless, I've been hooked by listening to versions on you tube, so now [I admit] annoying you. Ceoil  (talk) 05:07, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Indeed. I've been solidly hooked too, so we have that in common...most of your edits were self-explanatory. There were a couple that weren't, and a couple of summaries that made me wonder if you were seeing a larger problem. Your response here implies there isn't, so proceeding on that basis; a) can't find a source for "became their biggest hit", though I fully believe it to be true; b) was a bit confused by this edit summary; c) possibly, but I saw references to hunger in other sources, so quoting felt sufficient; d) this was addressed in the previous paragraph, so if that's insufficient, confused as to why. Those strike me as reasonable questions, but you're not seeing some major issue with the article and don't have the time to deal with the quibbles, I will not be offended if you ignore me. Vanamonde (Talk) 05:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Ok but bear in mind I ws trying to resolve via direct editing [and yes edit summaries], so these are WIP observations rather than demands.
 * The lead is unsatisfactory and too short (first released as an album track or single)
 * Juluka frequently had trouble with the police, and their songs were banned by state-run radio stations, but their brand of Afro-pop nonetheless became popular. - expand on "had trouble with the police" if there are sources
 * Attribute the quote "the hungry, the searching, all trying to make a better South Africa"
 * also present in other compositions by Clegg - mention Clegg in the lead - connection between both bands, and make clear if he is the song or music writer or both
 * musical elements that reflect the themes of the lyrics - vague...what elements
 * The song's introduction is played in a regular 4/4 meter -the song opens with....all 4/4 beats are regular
 *  The song also switches between
 * reflects its rejection  - alliteration
 * identity and social life - would pitch more towards social position than "life"####
 * It thereby suggests that if this is not part of a quote, maybe loose - "thereby"
 * The more I read the more I like about the song. 05:46, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Reasonable; logging off now, I'll get to these tomorrow, but feel free to continue doing anything you wished to. Vanamonde (Talk) 06:21, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Talk in the morning. Ceoil  (talk) 06:48, 18 October 2020 (UT)
 * Have implement most of these Vanamonde93, with apologies for getting you dragged into a seeming blame game, wasn't my intention; the article caught my eye from one of your comments on an FAC, from where I followed a youtube link, which I then looped on my play list. Then the tune stuck in my head, in a good way. So I owe you that. Ceoil  (talk) 12:14, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I think between us we've covered most of your points; there's not much detail about police trouble in these sources, and using a bunch of others seems to me to slip into undue weight territory. Let me know if there's anything else. Vanamonde (Talk) 16:25, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Yah, lessons learnt. Its a pity it got through DYK in that state, but mostly fixed now. Ceoil  (talk) 17:11, 18 October 2020 (UTC)