Talk:Scott Brown (politician)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: AIR corn (talk) 10:50, 10 April 2011 (UTC)

I enjoyed reading this article and feel it is very close to GA standard. I still wish to do a spot check of the references. No Disambiguations found, four dead links (ref 21, 62, 30 and 48). Will hold for now, but don't anticipate any problems getting it too GA standard. AIR corn (talk) 10:50, 10 April 2011 (UTC)

Checking against GA criteria

 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose):
 * Well written. I have made a few minor suggestions immediately below and at the end.
 * '' I have infantry, quartermaster, JAG, I'm airborne qualified' If known could it wikilink to the relevent US infantry and airborne articles?
 * On September 12, 2009, Brown announced his run for the U.S. Senate seat that became vacant on the death of Ted Kennedy, saying the state "needs an independent thinker." On the death?
 * Brown was among the speakers at the Conservative Political Action Conference Would add the abbreviation in commas as CPAC is mentioned in the next sentence.
 * Scott was one of five Republican senators to vote for cloture on the jobs bill. Wikilink cloture
 * In an up-or-down vote on the bill itself on February 24, 2010, Brown voted for final passage, helping to pass the bill 70-28. Same with up-or-down vote.
 * More wikilinking sugestions. National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2011 Filibuster (it is wikilinked further down, move it to its first occurrence) Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
 * with Senator Jack Reed (D, RI) What does D stand for? Democrat? Maybe needs to be written out if it is important enough to mention for us non-US viewers.
 * He is against intact dilation and evacuation abortions (known by opponents as "partial birth abortion") and has spoken in favor of parental consent Would pipe intact dilation and evacuation so it includes abortions in the blue link.
 * ...Ayla, an American Idol semi-finalist and attending Boston College and attending Boston Collage? Maybe "and a student at Boston Collage"
 * Alright, I fixed most of these, but I'm not sure about where those wikilinks fit in. Designate (talk) 02:18, 15 April 2011 (UTC)
 * The sentence they were in have been removed so I wouldn't worry about it. AIR corn (talk) 12:54, 15 April 2011 (UTC)
 * b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * MoS is fine
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references):
 * I have not done a proper spot checked of the refs for accuracy and possible copy-edit violations yet, but don't anticipate any problems as the few I have clicked on all comply. I have noticed mistakes with references 19, 67, 73, 74 and 87 however. One is bizarrely citing Wikipedia and the others are poorly formatted. Reference 60 has "Herald, Boston" as the author. I will post more once I complete the spot check.
 * Fixed. —Designate (talk) 07:37, 17 April 2011 (UTC)
 * b (citations to reliable sources):
 * I am not sure about his facebook page being used a reliable source. It guess it is similar to citing his own website, but I feel it should be avoided if possible.
 * OK, I changed out one of the refs and removed some of the extra info. Designate (talk) 02:18, 15 April 2011 (UTC)
 * "Organizational associations and honors" section. Is there a person within the Boston globe article that the quote can be attributed to?
 * Done. Designate (talk) 02:18, 15 April 2011 (UTC)
 * c (OR):
 * All good so far. Will fill in any problems if I notice them after the spot check
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects):
 * Really well covered. Have a few questions below, but was really impressed with the amount of detail.
 * Brown's father, C. Bruce Brown It would be good to know what the C stood for.
 * Found it. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * He spent ten days to two weeks with the Guard in Kazakhstan and a week in Paraguay is there a more precise time than ten days to two weeks?
 * He was awarded the Army Commendation Medal for meritorious service in homeland security shortly after the September 11 attacks Would be good to know more details about why he received the medal.
 * He cited Stanley McChrystal's recommendations as a reason for his support. Could we have slightly more detail. Maybe an example of those recommendations?
 * b (focused):
 * I feel the Political positions section is too long. It is fine for GA, but if you wish to go for FAC I would recommend splitting it off and summarising it here. There was some repeated information within the body (e.g. the Veteran services and Massachusetts National Guard), which should probably be avoided, but again it is not an issue as far as I am concerned for GA status.
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * Excellent. After reading the article I don't know the authors personal opinion on Brown.
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * Little bit of action around late February, but nothing significant.
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * No expert in this area, but all images look fine to me.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Other
I have made a few points that don't really relate to the GA criteria, but I think would improve the article. The are not necessary for passing.
 * Brown defeated the Democratic candidate, Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley, in the 2010 U.S. Senate special election to serve the remainder of the term vacated by the death of Ted Kennedy, a term that will expire at the beginning of 2013. Too much information in one sentence. Would consider dividing it into two sentences.
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * While initially trailing Coakley in polling by a large margin, Brown closed the gap in the first weeks of January 2010 before going on to win the election. Does this need four references?
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * He is a practicing attorney, concentrating in real estate law Three references. There are other sentances with three or more references in the body.
 * Fixed the lead one. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Brown had a difficult childhood; after her divorce his working mother received welfare benefits. Would consider rewording this slightly. This pales in comparison to the sexual abuse mentioned further down. Maybe a short sentence "Brown had a difficult childhood." and include the welfare benifits further down?
 * At that time, he "caught the political bug." Suggest merging with the previous sentence. "At that time" is a bit redundant.
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Brown served on committees dealing with consumer protection, professional licensing, education, election laws and public safety as well as veterans affairs. Could veteran affairs be added to the list instead of using "as well as"?
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Richard R. Tisei This is just me, but is there a reason to have the middle initial.
 * I wouldn't include it, but the article is at that title. Many sources include middle initials for all state and national legislators, but it's not consistent on Wikipedia. —Designate (talk) 07:28, 17 April 2011 (UTC)
 * At the outset, he faced overwhelming odds because he was relatively unknown compared to Coakley, I am a little uneasy with "overwhelming odds" which, to me anyway, seems like more than the "significant challenges" mentioned in the source.
 * In the 2010 Senate race, although Brown was not endorsed by the Greater Boston Tea Party group, the group organized a fund-raising breakfast for him in Boston. Would considering rewording so group does not repeat too closely together.
 * Committee assignments [60] A personal thing, but having the reference note in the heading does not look right. Maybe it could be turned into prose or the reference could be put at the end of the list?
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * After initially claiming neutrality on don't ask, don't tell, the ban on openly gay military personnel, he joined a handful of Republicans who broke with their party to repeal the ban in December 2010. Would consider switching "don't ask, don't tell" and "the ban on openly gay military personnel". Or maybe just putting "don't ask, don't tell" within quotation marks or italicising it. I feel don't ask, don't tell needs to be highlighted better within the sentence for readability (even with the blue highlighting).
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Brown has supported a presumption of shared parenting after divorce and was a co-sponsor of Fathers and Families HB 1460. If posible consider adding this sentence to a paragraph. Or even better expand with another sentence. Maybe explain what Fathers and Families HB 1460 is?
 * Brown has stated that Roe v. Wade is settled law Is there an easy (and short) way to say what Roe v. Wade is in this article without the reader having to click on the wikilink? Or is it explained further on (sorry not familiar with it and the linked article is a bit long to read thoroughly at this point)?
 * Crime and security. Would combine the two paragraphs in this section.
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Brown and his family worship at New England Chapel in Franklin, Massachusetts, a member of the Christian Reformed Church in North America which is a Protestant Christian denomination This seems backwards to me. I would put his religion first and then where he worships.
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 19:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC)
 * I am not sure on the relevant rules, but I think it would look better if the ".com" was not used in the publishers name in the references (i.e Boston Herald instead of BostonHerald.com, Cosmopolitan instead of Cosmopolitan.com etc).
 * Fixed. Designate (talk) 20:18, 23 April 2011 (UTC)

Comment
The reviewer, User:Aircorn, has asked for an informal comment as a relatively new reviewer, seeking to improve their reviews. I am happy to oblige.
 * I have infantry, quartermaster, JAG, I'm airborne qualified' If known could it wikilink to the relevent US infantry and airborne articles? I see that this has been addressed. However MOS suggests; "As much as possible, avoid linking from within quotes, which may clutter the quotation, violate the principle of leaving quotations unchanged, and mislead or confuse the reader."
 * This looks to be a thorough review and I am happy to commend the reviewer and the nominator for fixing problems. Jezhotwells (talk) 13:10, 24 April 2011 (UTC)
 * OK, I just reworked that quote from a third-party perspective to avoid the issue entirely. —Designate (talk) 05:16, 25 April 2011 (UTC)