Talk:Scott Kingery/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * ” Central Arizona College, but ultimately followed an offer” – “Central Arizona College but ultimately accepted an offer”
 * Done
 * I’d link the positions in the lead (shortstop, outfield, second base, etc.)
 * Done
 * No comma needed after Player of the Year
 * Done
 * ”and was outrighted” – I don’t think “was” is needed here.
 * Done

Early life

 * Did their father coach the Little League team? If so, I’d move this info to that sentence.
 * Done and reworded that paragraph to the best of my ability
 * ”As a baseball player at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, Kingery's coach referred to him as having” – “While Kingery played baseball at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, his coach said that he had”
 * Done
 * ”He continued that momentum as a senior” – “He posted similar numbers as a senior” – I feel like momentum makes more sense in the context of a game or a season.
 * Done

College career

 * ”coaches for his” – “coaches because of his”
 * Done
 * ”there may be room” – “there might be room”
 * Done
 * No comma needed after Division I coaches
 * Done
 * For Cape Cod All-Star Game, may want to link All-Star
 * Done
 * ”he scored 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and stole 11 bases in 54 games” – “he recorded 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and 11 stolen bases in 54 games.”
 * Done
 * No comma needed after fielding percentage
 * Done

Minor league career

 * .270 isn’t that much higher than .250, so I’d cut how he did in his first 31 games and jump straight to giving his stats for the year.
 * Done
 * Also, I’d recommend putting at bats instead of plate appearances, as batting average (mentioned) is tabulated from at bats, while on-base-percentage (not mentioned) is tabulated from plate appearances.
 * Done
 * Just noticed that ref 21 mentions Kingery enjoyed watching Dustin Pedroia while growing up—might be a good thing to mention in the early life section
 * Done
 * No comma needed after Grapefruit League games
 * Done
 * ”the Phillies promoted Kingery” – “Kingery was promoted” – I know this throws it into the passive voice, but it makes clear that the prior clause was modifying Kingery, and not the Phillies.
 * Done
 * ”after he made” – “after he had made”
 * Done
 * I’d take out the comma after Rule 5 draft—they are both independent clauses, but they seem to read better without the comma, probably because they’re both reasons for the first clause. If that makes any sense…
 * Done

Philadelphia Phillies

 * Take out the comma after .381
 * Done
 * ”that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension, and that he had been named to the team's” – “that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension and added him to their”
 * Done
 * ”he scored his first” – “he recorded his first”
 * Done
 * ”he scored a grand slam” – “he recorded a grand slam”
 * Done
 * How did he fare in his pitching debut?
 * Better than expected, for a position player!
 * No comma needed after .226
 * Done
 * How did he know Aaron Judge? If it was from childhood, might want to include this in the early life section.
 * Apparently they're offseason workout buddies; that's the most I could find
 * I’d add “private” before Richard Schenck—was wondering why there wasn’t an article about the Phillies’ hitting coach for a minute!
 * Done (and technically we don't have an article for one right now because we, uh, don't have a hitting coach at the moment)
 * ”Kingery's batting average improved to .258 and 19 home runs” – “Kingery had better offensive numbers, batting .258 with 19 home runs.”
 * Done
 * Herrera suspension…hmmm…where have I read about that before?
 * 2019 was a rough year in the outfield...
 * The last sentence of the 2020 paragraph doesn’t need a comma.
 * Done
 * ”struggled in spring training” – I’d put 2021 before spring training (then take it out at the end of the sentence)
 * Done
 * ”Torreyes was unavailable” – “Torreyes became unavailable”
 * Done
 * No comma needed after that May
 * Done
 * Lehigh Valley stats for 2021?
 * Added
 * A few days ago, I thought about reviewing this one but decided to wait until after the season so the 2021 coverage could be complete. Guess there wasn’t any need to wait for Kingery!
 * I had a similar moment where I was going through my GANs after the season ended to add some stats and maybe analysis, and then I went, "Oh, I guess I can skip over Kingery!"

Player profile

 * If you mention that Schenck was an independent hitting coach earlier (I said “private” but independent works too), you can cut “an independent hitting coach” here.
 * Done
 * ”by focusing on finding gaps in the field and hitting more line drives” – “by encouraging him to focus on finding gaps in the field and hit more line drives”
 * Done
 * ”the Phillies transitioned Kingery to” – “Kingery became a” – Also, the Mark DeRosa of the future? (Hey, he’s already hitting about as well as DeRosa did with the Giants!)
 * Done
 * ”He has attributed his decreased confidence” – “In 2021, he attributed decreased confidence” – Let’s hope this isn’t something he struggles with his whole career!
 * I mean, I did see a headline earlier that amounted to "the Phillies finally admit the Kingery deal was a mistake"
 * I’d move the last sentence of this section to the Phillies section, making it the second-to-last sentence of the 2020 paragraph.
 * Done

Personal life

 * This section looks good!

Not many changes; excellent job as always! Let me know when you’ve had a chance to look over these, and I’ll give the article another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:51, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for taking a look at this! Everything should be addressed! —  Ghost River  22:29, 10 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Excellent work, passing! Nice job once again! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:48, 10 October 2021 (UTC)