Talk:Secretariat (horse)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Atsme (talk · contribs) 05:08, 20 July 2016 (UTC)


 * The "race at Aqueduct Racetrack on July 4, 1972" is in the body text; I was concerned about having too much detail in the lead per MOS:LEAD but noted 1972. I further refined some of your edits, but do acknowledge that were you jumped in that is a sign that we needed to do things a bit differently. That said,, remember that as a reviewer, if you do too much editing yourself, you are no longer "uninvolved" in the review.  I am glad to see you here because you are a knowledgeable horse person, and this article will benefit from your insights, so don't accidentally disqualify yourself!  ;-)   Montanabw (talk)  23:43, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
 * Thank you, M. The term "debut" begged for a bit more information, specifically per GA criteria. I've always been careful when reviewing GA's to stay within the "be bold and fix it" guideline, so no worries in that regard.  Please see my notes above regarding the 6 paragraph lead.  Atsme 📞📧 14:18, 22 July 2016 (UTC)


 * Tightened the lead, is it better? I looked at the copyvio issue, and of the top five articles flagged (DRF, SI and Blood-horse, ) most of what is flagged are the direct, cited quotations.  Do we have too many, do you think? Most of the other stuff popping up are things like the terms of art such as "top of the stretch" or phrases used in the age 2-3 chart, cited to the DRF article, such as "point of hip to point of buttock", etc...  don't think much we can do about it other than thin the quotations, but they are all, as far as I can see, correctly placed inside quotation marks and cited.   The #4 flag is for a Pinterest page, which contains lots of pictures with captions, no doubt themselves copied.  I caught one close paraphrase in the #5 source (American Classic Pedigrees) and tweaked that. I'll get to the other stuff in a bit.   Montanabw (talk)  06:03, 23 July 2016 (UTC)


 * Tweaked the overuse of "Phipps family" a bit. On the leading sire bit, the source sited says only the generic, but checking another  list, Bold Ruler was leading sire seven years in the 60s (63-69) and again in '73 (thanks to Secretariat, most likely).  So I added an additional source.  Better?  Montanabw (talk)  06:24, 23 July 2016 (UTC)

Need to fix this: Groom Eddie Sweat was another important member of the Secretariat team responsible for his day to day care. The book, The Horse God Built, focuses on Sweat's relationship with Secretariat. Suggestion: Groom Eddie Sweat was another important member of the Secretariat team responsible for his day to day care. Sweat once said, "Only way that horses win is if you sit there and spend time with 'em. Show 'em that you're tryin' to help 'em. Love 'em. Talk to 'em. Get to know 'em. That's what you gotta do. You love 'em and they'll love you, too." (cite the book, don't make it the preamble to the quote) and make it the lead sentence for 2nd para. Have faith - we're on the back stretch!! Atsme 📞📧 21:20, 25 July 2016 (UTC)
 * For coin flip, I changed to clarify that the loser of the toss got first pick in 1970 (used to say winner got second pick, which isn't quite as clear). Appearance and conformation reworked to focus on Secretariat. Point we were trying to make is that as "pretty" as Secretariat was, that was basically irrelevant to his success as a racehorse. Pretty quotes added but I'm not sure if I should keep the regular quote marks as well. 16, 17, 18 done. 19 tightened a bit. I want to keep some of the quotes to show the reaction of contemporaries, but there may still be too many. LMK Jlvsclrk (talk) 05:49, 25 July 2016 (UTC)


 * I'm enjoying it, even if I do find it hard to prune down my prose style to the appropriate level for Wiki. Onwards! Reworked the Sweat paragraph a bit, with a quote that you can find in the online sample chapter. Jlvsclrk (talk) 02:33, 26 July 2016 (UTC)
 * That's good news! Ok - I made some notes in the review box for you. Atsme 📞📧 04:43, 26 July 2016 (UTC)


 * Sorry I've been offline a few days, just busy with assorted RL and other stuff, as well as digging out of a watchlist backlog. Changes look good to me so far, what are we missing at this point?   Montanabw (talk)  06:23, 26 July 2016 (UTC)
 * Made some updates. The "would later write" construction is a "polite" past tense that is fairly ingrained in Canada. I don't even notice when I'm using it! Think I got them all Jlvsclrk (talk) 14:48, 26 July 2016 (UTC)


 * OK, I took a whack at what was left and I think we've got it all. I'm doing a little bit of wikignoming along the way.  Montanabw (talk)  03:20, 30 July 2016 (UTC)
 * Great job both of you! The only thing extra I might suggest would be to make the Honors and recognition section more like a bullet list for easier reading but I don't consider it a deal-breaker.  All the sources and citations are in order - it's possible I missed something because there's a whole lot there to review, but when it comes to sources  does a great job cleaning up after me.  If there's anything I missed, he'll find it. Atsme  Talk 📧  15:32, July 30, 2016‎


 * Under subpara(15) written by Seth Hancock of Claiborne Farm, that human athlete turned up in 2008: Usain Bolt. Well,almost. He was an out and out short distance sprinter(100-200m). --Moitraanak (talk) 19:46, 19 May 2019 (UTC)