Talk:Semi-Detached, Suburban Mr. James/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:19, 30 August 2022 (UTC)

I will get on with this now! --K. Peake 09:19, 30 August 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Philips Studios → Philips in the infobox, as studios should not be used in that parameter
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on London
 * Replace hlist with bullet points per Template:Infobox song
 * Why is it referred to as initially recorded?
 * Mention that the group are English
 * Pipe love to Love song
 * "who laments the loss of a previous lover" → "who laments the loss of a lover" and make this the sentence directly after the Mellotron one
 * "recorded the song at" → "recorded it at"
 * Place the single release sentence directly before the Mellotron one, following this with the A-side and B-side part first as well
 * "Released as the group's second single on that label" what label?
 * Start a new sentence at, "The song became a", also place the critical reception sentence directly before commercial performance
 * "in the UK while reaching the top ten across Europe," → "in the United Kingdom, while peaking within the top 10 across the continent," per MOS:NUM and also since you used the full name of the US elsewhere
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on Africa
 * Ditto for Oceania
 * "as a single A-side in" → "as an A-side single in"
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on United States
 * "of a competing group's releasing" → "of a competing group releasing"
 * Remove "which took its place" because this is implied
 * Add a word like "style" after pop

Background

 * Img looks good!
 * "and a relatively difficult year" → "and relatively difficult year"
 * "It reached number ten" → "It reached number 10" per MOS:NUM
 * "of Jones, which according to Bruce Eder" → "of Jones and according to Bruce Eder," but only the commercial credibility part is sourced
 * "also established "their commercial" → "also established their "commercial"
 * Wikilink Bob Dylan
 * "some of which thought it have" → "a number of which thought it would have"
 * "Talmy presented the band" → "Talmy presented Manfred Mann"
 * "coming from the duo, as it wasn't" → "coming from them, as it was not"

Recording and composition

 * "something the band would" → "which Manfred Mann would"
 * Pipe New Musical Express to NME
 * "claims that Talmy taught" → "stated Talmy taught"
 * "He further claims that" → "He further said that"
 * Add the release year of As Is
 * Img looks good!
 * "plays loops on the instrument's" → "plays loops using the"
 * "Lyrically, it has become one of Stephens and Carters" → "Lyrically, the track has become one of Stephens and Carters'"
 * "inspired by Bob Dylan." → "inspired by Dylan."
 * "Roger Webster, calls the group's" → "Roger Webster calls Manfred Mann's"
 * "Musically, the song was" → "Musically, "Semi-Detached, Suburban Mr. James" was"
 * Pipe major key to Key (music)
 * "sound"[12] Russo also" → "sound".[12] Russo also"
 * "Kieron Tyler does however considers it" → "However, Kieron Tyler of The Arts Desk considered it" with the wikilink
 * "describes it as a song" → "described it as a song"

Release and commercial performance

 * "In the UK," → "In the United Kingdom,"
 * "as their second single" → "as Manfred Mann's second single"
 * Remove pipe on As Is
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on United States
 * Ditto for Canada
 * "with "Semi-Detached'" → "with 'Semi-Detached'" on the quote box
 * "The song reached the Record Retailer chart" → "The song entered the Record Retailer chart"
 * "at number 32.[27] before reaching its peak of" → "at number 32, before peaking at"
 * "on 23 November that year." → "on 23 November 1966."
 * "It was kept from" → "The song was kept from"
 * "after spending 12 weeks on the chart." → "after lasting for 12 weeks."
 * "while reaching number three" → "while peaking at number three"
 * Pipe Disc and Music Echo to Disc (magazine)
 * Remove wikilink on New Musical Express
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on Europe
 * Ditto for Denmark, Sweden, Africa and Oceania
 * "where it reached number five on Tio i Topp and ten → "reaching number five on Tio i Topp and number ten"
 * "It also reached the top-ten" → "The song also reached the top-10" per MOS:NUM, also add the appropriate citation(s)
 * "released simultaneously as the album" → "released simultaneously with"
 * "four almost four years" → "for almost four years"
 * The "cements the album as a compilation" quote should come after "the inclusion of..." to be less wordy

Contemporary reception

 * I don't think the img meets the focus criterion
 * "the single got positive reviews" → "the single was met with positive reviews"
 * "claims that "Semi-Detached" has" → "declare that "Semi-Detached" has"
 * "They claim that the melody" → "The two state that the melody"
 * Remove wikilink on New Musical Express
 * "they erroneously claim the mellotron to be a flute, though note" → "a reviewer erroneously claims the mellotron to be a flute, though notes"
 * "They speculate over" → "Another NME reviewer speculates over"
 * "the perfect fit."" → "the perfect fit"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * Remove wikilink on Disc and Music Echo
 * "it also received" → ""Semi Detached, Suburban Mr. James" also received"
 * Cash Box → Cashbox and only keep the link before the word magazine
 * "is called "a very groovy ditty"" → "is called "a very groovy ditty" by the staff."
 * "and that the band had been" → "and the band had been"
 * "it's stated that the band" → "it is stated that the band"
 * "that they needed to" → "that the group needed to"
 * Remove wikilink on the Beatles

Legacy

 * Img looks good!
 * Add a full-stop after "Winchester Cathedral" for the first two instances since these are complete sentences
 * "Bruce Eder of AllMusic claimed that" → "Eder claimed that" and this sentence needs a full-stop too
 * "on thesuccess of" → "on the success of"
 * "influence and ppularity of" → "influence and popularity of"
 * "successful recording featuring the instrument." → "successful recording featuring it."
 * "on their 1967" → "on their 1967 single"
 * "Semi-Detached, Suburban Mr. James" should not have a full-stop at the end of its title
 * "the Mellotron without it."" → "the Mellotron without it"." per MOS:QUOTE

Personnel

 * Use so there is the right space between credits and personnel

Weekly charts

 * Provide an actual position for Belgium
 * Are you sure all these UK charts should be included?
 * Fab 40 should not be italicised
 * Pipe 'Disc and Music Echo to Disc (magazine)

Year-end charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; this is a bit messy but should be fixed soon enough! --K. Peake 12:31, 30 August 2022 (UTC)
 * @Kyle Peake
 * I fixed the issues listed. The different UK charts were all being published until the 1970s. In fact, both Record Retailer and New Musical Express were still fighting over their respective charts until New Musical Express shut theirs down in 1988. Therefore I find including them all important as all four magazines were being sold by their hundreds of thousands, potentially millions, during the 1960s and were all competing with each other as late as 1969. VirreFriberg (talk) 17:08, 30 August 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, I did some copy editing and your reasoning for not implementing the charts suggestion makes sense! --K. Peake 09:51, 31 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Did you pass it? Still only listed as a nominee as of 2 September 2022. VirreFriberg (talk) 09:44, 2 September 2022 (UTC)