Talk:Shaitan Singh/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Force Radical (talk · contribs) 09:25, 16 January 2018 (UTC)

I will be taking on this review. As this is a short article it probably won't take too much time. If I don't respond within 3 days I may have forgotten about this review. If such a situation arises please ping me here or leave a message on my talkpage.Thanks — Force Radical∞ ( Talk ⋯ Contribs ) 09:25, 16 January 2018 (UTC) -This review may be used by Force Radical gain points for the ongoing Wikicup competition — Force Radical∞ ( Talk ⋯ Contribs ) 09:25, 16 January 2018 (UTC)

Comments
-As of 16 January 2018 certain problems have been found with Shaitan Singh which must be resolved by the nominator before before it can be promoted to :

Lede

 * After his graduation, he joined the Jodhpur State Forces, and after the princely state of Jodhpur was merged into India, Singh was transferred to the 13th Battalion of Kumaon Regiment.-This sentence is long and is hard for the reader to digest.I suggest breaking it up into two sentences for better readability. Ex:On completing his graduation, Singh joined the Jodhpur State Forces. He was transferred to the Kumaon Regiment after the princely state of Jodhpur was merged into India.
 * 13th Battalion of Kumaon Regiment-We can miss the 13th battalion part for most of the article(except for the Battle of Rezang La section) as it seems over particluar
 * Specific mention in lede is required, because not the entire Kumoan Regiment was not present there. Removed other mentions. --Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:40, 19 January 2018 (UTC)


 * He took part in operations in Naga Hills-The article linked as Naga Hills describes the geography of the hills leaving the reader[read "me"] baffled( as to what were the operations about). Please change it.(You probably meant this)
 * I believe the second paragraph of the lede can be compressed by removing . After several unsuccessful attacks from the frontal side, the Chinese attacked from the rear. The Indians fought till their last rounds, before (merging the two sentences)
 * All done. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:40, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

Early Life

 * He served in France during World War I,-to-Hem Singh served in France during World War I,(to remove ambiguity)
 * Changed as per MOS:LASTNAME. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:42, 19 January 2018 (UTC)


 * At school, he was known for his patience-Patience is not really relevant to the article.It would probably be worth adding that he was hardworking
 * Done. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:42, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

Sino Indian War
Please provide reliable sources to back these claims up.[I am not an expert and may not be well informed]
 * , then Prime Minister of India Jawaharlal Nehru asked for plans. However, plan proposed by the Indian Army was rejected. Instead, he approved a plan called the "Forward Policy", which was proposed by a civilian official from the Intelligence Bureau.-I have been looking through the sorces at the main article of the section and non of them mention these things namely:
 * [Did] Jawaharlal Nehru[Specifically] asked for plans [or was it informally done]
 * [the plan] which was proposed by a civilian official from the Intelligence Bureau.[Some sources I looked up said that the plan came from the cabinet]
 * plan proposed by the Indian Army was rejected [I don't think I read it anywhere there was a formal "plan" given by the army]
 * Chinese superior forces-to-{{{tq|superior Chinese forces}}
 * But the Chinese did, and the war began-Un-Encyclopedic and colloquial. Please fix Ex:Despite such presumptions, the Chinese attacked compelling India to declare war
 * The main article need not factually be accurate. Please check the source cited for the paragraph. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:44, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

Battle of Rezang La

 * nullahs were mucked-to-were clogged
 * Done. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:48, 19 January 2018 (UTC)


 * dim dawn lighting-dawn lighting is dim. Choose any one and throw out the other.
 * Chose the former. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:48, 19 January 2018 (UTC)


 * The Chinese suffered even more.-Source and also add how many if possible.
 * The paragraph already has a citation, that works for this as well. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:48, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

Param Vir Chakra

 * gallantry actions-Since this is a main section of the Param Vir Chakra try fleshing out the reason for the reception of the award as given in the quote.
 * Tweaked. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:50, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

On the whole I would say that this article is well sourced and written in most sections, however the Sino-Indian war section was a let down as it sounded overtly anti-civilian and aggressive towards the Chinese. I will be placing the article for 168 hours and will later add a summary (one of those templates) to this page in accordance with the formal GA criterion. Please ping me if you finish the work before the mandatory 168 hours holding period. Thanks. — Force Radical∞ ( Talk ⋯ Contribs ) 12:31, 16 January 2018 (UTC)

 — Force Radical∞ ( Talk ⋯ Contribs ) 13:17, 19 January 2018 (UTC)

Summary before improvements
This article has been put pending improvments for its Good article nomination. This is how the article, as of January 19, 2018, compares against the six good article criteria:


 * 1. Well written?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass (Worked on during review)
 * 2. Verifiable?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass
 * 3. Broad in coverage?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass
 * 4. Neutral point of view?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass
 * 5. Stable?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass
 * 6. Images?: Symbol support vote.svg Pass

Detailed comments are provided above. Thank you for your work so far. — Force Radical∞ ( Talk ⋯ Contribs ) 12:49, 16 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. I have addressed your comments, please have a look. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk &bull;&#32;mail) 12:52, 19 January 2018 (UTC)