Talk:Shaygan Kheradpir/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 00:26, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.
 * No DABs, One dead external link.
 * bachelors, masters and doctorate degree in electrical engineering Link these degrees and rephrase as "doctorate degree" reads very oddly. Also link electrical engineering.
 * ✅ Except for electrical engineering, which is wikilinked in the infobox. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 12:45, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * What does an integrated operating plan mean? Sounds like corporate buzzwords.
 * I believe it's a term specific to Juniper. This source called it a "restructuring and cost-cutting plan". Many other sources just refer to it as a plan. I got the impression that it is not a general business term, but is just what Juniper called it. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 12:52, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Fair enough, but my ultimate question is it actually notable? It reads like an item from a resumé and we can't know how successful it is/was. Furthermore, no context is given even though it's often mentioned in the press. It reminds me of the obligatory mission statement given by every new military commander that I've ever had that's so full of buzz words and platitudes that it's practically meaningless. I mean what new CEO in his right mind would ever say that he wants to decrease shareholder value and increase costs?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:09, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Yup, per the links above to reliable, secondary sources, the integrated operating plan was a big deal - perhaps the most significant thing to take place during his tenure at Juniper. However, I think it could use an additional sentence about the activist investors that the plan was in response to and it can be called a restructuring and cost-cutting plan to be less euphemistic. Stuff like this I'll put in a To Do list for a Request Edit. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:29, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * Is there a link to Transform at Barclays or is this some sort of corporate or IT restructuring? And for Verizon One?
 * No Wikipedia link available. What I've found in the sources is "cost transformation project, Transform." and a bunch of amiguous references to a "transformation". The Barclays website isn't much help: "Transform has three overall goals: Turnaround, Return Acceptable Numbers, Sustain FORward Momentum." but it sounds like cost-cutting. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 12:59, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Then I think it can be deleted as not notable. What about Verizon One?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * The transform thing was something the sockpuppets kept pushing using weak or primary sources, but I did find a decent source that mentions he supported it here. While it's a primary source Cornell University included a whole paragraph on his work at Barclays in his bio. I don't agree with the logic that something needs to be notable enough for its own page to be mentioned, but it probably does not warrant inclusion in the Lede, rather than a brief mention in the body. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:35, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * Link Bell Atlantic on first use.
 * ✅ David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:01, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * Define and link IT on first use.
 * ✅ David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:01, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * When did he join GTE?
 * ✅ I found a primary source for it David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:03, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * His team of approximately 7,000 staff often worked late hours, but getting a job at Verizon was still in high demand, due to the department's rapid pace of new product development. Awkward, not sure what you mean here.
 * ✅ David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:04, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * What's DVR?
 * ✅ It's a bit awkward though since it's in a quote and DVR is a familiar acronym to many. I suggest we just leave it as "DVR" per the quoted material with a wikilink. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:06, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * a link would be fine.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅ David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:36, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * At Juniper, he launched an Integrated Operating Plan (IOP) that was aligned with the recommendations of activist investors to reduce expenses, buy back stock, and increase dividends. Why would the average reader care about this?
 * I disagree. This is an article about a business executive. His development of business plans and the success or failure of those plans is exactly what we should expect on the page. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:15, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * My concern is really about sourcing and context. Plus his tenure was so short that it would be hard to assess its success or failure using publicly available sources.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:41, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * More details needed on his resignation if available. Has anything more recent been written about it?
 * There are a lot of sources on it. There may be more information worth adding, but I think we need to be cautious about speculation and gossip, which is the bulk of it. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:15, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Concur; we need to be very careful about reliable sourcing.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:41, 20 October 2015 (UTC)


 * Can you get a photo?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:17, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately I can't. There's nothing available on Flickr under the appropriate license and nothing on Commons either :-( David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:08, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Can your client contribute a photo himself?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * See my disclosure here. I have no connection with Kheradpir. I asked Juniper if they could provide a photo, but the thing is, they don't really care about this page. It's just that I already did most of the work for it before he abruptly left and we figured we might as well share the content I had already developed. It also wouldn't be appropriate for me to reach out to Kheradpir himself. It does seem likely given the article's history that he hired an astroturfing firm, which I eventually took to SPI and obtained a block against, but I am not connected with them or the article's history of tendentious and promotional editing. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:25, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * OK, sounds reasonable.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:41, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * BTW - especially appreciate your thorough GA review on this one though. Long history of tendetious editing from paid socks and I'm not sure we actually purged it all. Let me prep a Request Edit for some of the things we've discussed so far. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 13:45, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * What do you mean a Request Edit?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:32, 20 October 2015 (UTC)

See here. It's when an editor with a conflict of interest proposes an edit and asks someone else to make it. They "request an edit" in order to avoid the appearance of manipulating Wikipedia. In this case I would want to avoid the appearance of making the article appear unfairly disparaging to the article-subject, so there are certain edits I should not make myself to make sure a disinterested editor is making sure the article-subject is treated fairly.

I see where you're coming from, but I think a lot of this just needs to be re-written without benefits language, as opposed to removed. If after reviewing the requested edits here, you still feel some of this needs to be deleted, I would ask that you go ahead and use your judgement. David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 14:44, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * I have no objection to your proposed edits as they remove some of the puffery and look to be properly sourced. I'd go ahead and add them, being sure to put your cites outside the punctuation.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:19, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
 * I've gone ahead and made your suggested changes, albeit with a few tweaks. See if they work for you.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:13, 25 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Be consistent about using title case in the title of your references.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:11, 25 October 2015 (UTC)
 * Thanks Sturmvogel 66. I was poking around for someone willing to do the Request Edit, but that is often a challenge. I didn't check what minor tweaks you made, but I'm sure they are fine.


 * I corrected the title-case in all the sources. In the process I noticed that we still have a lot of primary sources. In my experience, there is no consensus about whether to include board memberships using primary sources, though there is leniency against it. So I'll leave it up to your judgement on whether the Other Activities section (made up entirely of primary sources), is worth including. I also noticed the sentence "He attended high school at Aiglon College in Switzerland." is just cited to a broken link. Unfortunately there is rarely much information in quality sources about early life on marginally notable individuals.


 * FYI - I'm at the library currently looking at microfilm for another article, so I may not respond until tomorrow.  David King, Ethical Wiki (Talk) 18:45, 25 October 2015 (UTC)
 * I went ahead and deleted the high school info so I think that we're done here.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 18:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)