Talk:She Bangs/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 05:29, 17 June 2020 (UTC)

Will start on this sometime today --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:29, 17 June 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Recording date is unsourced
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Link to the music videos in the infobox
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "is a song recorded by Puerto Rican singer" → "is a song by Puerto Rican singer"
 * With all due respect, this is a preference. There's nothing wrong with the prose right now, actually is preferred by editors since it's been used in all articles I brought to a FA status. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "for his sixth studio album Sound Loaded (2000)" → "from his sixth studio album, Sound Loaded (2000)"
 * Same as above here. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Either way, you need the comma for separation --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:39, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "It was written by and produced" → "The song was written and produced by"
 * Song is repeated again from the previous sentence. "It" is fine.
 * Well the album was mentioned after the song in the previous sentence, so specification is needed --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:39, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "and Robi Draco Rosa with additional writing" → "and Robi Draco Rosa, with additional writing"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink lead single to itself
 * Mention that the release was to radio and what label it was through
 * "on September 23, 2000" → "on September 22, 2000"
 * ""She Bangs" is a dance song with" → "The song is a dance track, with"
 * With all due respect, the proposed prose reads poorly. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
 * The title should not be mentioned more than once in a para of the lead --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:39, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "influences in which the singer who wants hold" → "influences, while the lyrics see Martin wanting to hold"
 * Done.


 * "It was met with positive reviews by music critics noted" → "It received widely positive reviews from music critics, who often noted" with the appropriate target
 * Again, the proposed prose would overcomplicate things. We want to keep it simple. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
 * But grammatically, "met with positive reviews by music critics noted the similarities" clearly has issues and the target is obviously required, plus "received" should be here and "met with" in the body --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:39, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "previous single "Livin' la Vida Loca" and received a Grammy" → "previous single "Livin' la Vida Loca", and received a" with the target
 * not linking single, per WP:OVERLINK, the term is widely known. Comma added. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "in 2001" → "at the 2001 Grammy Awards" with the target
 * Done — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "Commercially, it peaked at number one" → "Commercially, the song peaked at number one"
 * Done — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "Switzerland and reached the top five in several countries in Europe" → "Switzerland, and reached the top five in several other European countries"
 * No need per comma there, my Grammarly editor. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "A Spanish-language version of the song was also recorded" → "A Spanish-language version of "She Bangs" was recorded" with the target
 * Done — Tom (T2ME)


 * "and reached on top of the" → "and reached the summit of the"
 * Done — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Target Billboard to Billboard (magazine)
 * Done — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink Hot Latin Songs on itself solely instead
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "The music video for "She Bangs"" → "The music video for the original version"
 * No need for this. The videos are literally the same for both versions.


 * "The video's suggested sexual content" → "The suggested sexual content of the video"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME)


 * "and was banned in several Latin American countries" → "and led to it being banned in several Latin American countries"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "Despite the backlash, it won the" → "Despite the backlash, the visual won the"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "Lo Nuestro Award for Video of the Year in 2001" → "Lo Nuestro Award for Video of the Year, both in 2001"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * ""She Bangs" has been covered by several artists" → "The song has been covered by several artists,"
 * Done. — Tom (T2ME) 09:17, 18 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "His rendition was met with unfavorable reactions" → "His cover version received generally unfavorable responses"

Composition and lyrical interpretation

 * Shouldn't a Background section be above this one, or add background info to the article and combine with this section if there's not enough for its own?
 * Wikilink Latin music to itself instead
 * "and lasts for four minutes and forty-two seconds" → "and lasts for 4:42"
 * "digital sheet music for the single" → "digital sheet music for the song" with the appropriate wikilink
 * "and has a groove of" → "with a groove of"
 * "from the low note of D4 to" → "from the low note of D4, to"
 * Remove target on instrumentation
 * "features powerful percussion" → "features "powerful" percussion"
 * Target tropical to Tropical music
 * "wrote that the single starts" → "wrote that the song begins"
 * "They are followed by" → "The beats are followed by an"
 * Wikilink horn section to itself
 * "similar to the one on" → "which Willman called reminiscent of the one on"
 * "and even harder to hold."" → "and even harder to hold"."
 * "Billboard's reviewer stated" → "Billboard wrote" since this is fine in a non reception section
 * "and that make cynics bark" → "and will make cynics bark"

Critical reception

 * Why is the img hidden?
 * Retitle to Release and reception, so move the radio sentence to here instead
 * "The song received generally positive reviews" → The song was met with widely positive reviews" since there are no negative ones
 * "A reviewer of Billboard magazine" → "The staff of Billboard"
 * "flavor of Martin's 1999 number-one single "Livin' la Vida Loca"" → "flavor of "Livin' la Vida Loca""
 * "According to him" → "According to the staff"
 * "is just what the radio needed at the moment" → "was just what the radio needed at the time of release"
 * "Similarly, Allison Stewart of" → "Similarly, Allison Stewart from the"
 * "Sean Piccoli and Lawrence A. Johnson of" → "Sean Piccoli and Lawrence A. Johnson of the"
 * "They further noted that the" → "The two of them further noted that the"
 * "consisted of 34 people, "The life" → "consisting of 34 people, opining that the "life"
 * "Geoff Boucher of" → "Geoff Boucher of the"
 * "and its accompanying music video" → "and accompanying music video" with the wikilink
 * "referencing Martin's 1999 single" → "in reference to Martin's 1999 single"
 * "Jose F. Promis of" → "Jose F. Promis from"
 * "and stated that is arguably" → "and stated that it is arguably"
 * "earned Martin a nomination for" → "was nominated for"
 * ""She Bangs" was recognized" → "The track was recognized"
 * Wikilink International Dance Music Awards to itself instead
 * Remove target on 12"; similarly to how there is no target on pop in this section, there shouldn't be one on this term either
 * Done all, except the third query. Kept it simple. No need for 'widely'. — Tom (T2ME) 12:07, 22 June 2020 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * Mention where it was released to radio stations; remember, this sentence will still be moved to the previous section
 * Target Australian Singles Chart to ARIA Charts
 * "It spend six weeks in the top-ten" → "It spent 6 weeks in the top 10" per MOS:NUM
 * Exactly per that policy no. We keep 1-9 in prose and everything above with a number. — Tom (T2ME) 12:08, 22 June 2020 (UTC)
 * "Comparable values should be all spelled out or all in figures, even if one of the numbers would normally be written differently: patients' ages were five, seven, and thirty-two or ages were 5, 7 and 32, but not ages were five, seven and 32." So in this case, yes. --Kyle Peake (talk) 07:26, 23 June 2020 (UTC)
 * That's a different situation, where you compare things. Here we don't compare things when talking about charting trajectory. I have done multiple FAs before and actually the preferred way is 1-9 words, above 9 numerical. Please read this. — Tom (T2ME) 08:55, 23 June 2020 (UTC)
 * I have read that and totally understand where you are coming from; I once felt that way, but ultimately realised otherwise and see Talk:Follow God/GA1 to understand what I am talking about since small numbers should not be spelt out in certain cases. --Kyle Peake (talk) 17:00, 25 June 2020 (UTC)


 * "before slowly started declining on it. It stayed" → "before slowly starting to decline on it, though lasted"
 * "It was certified platinum by the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) denoting" → "The song was certified platinum by the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA), denoting"
 * "in the country alone" → "in the country"
 * "on October 15" → "on October 15, 2000"
 * "The next week the song reached" → "The next week, the song rose 15 places to"
 * "reaching its final peak of two on December 3" → "ultimately reaching its final peak of number two on December 3 of that year"
 * "It stayed on the chart" → "The song stayed on the chart"
 * "on November 4; similarly as in the previous nations charts" → "on November 4, 2000; similarly to the charts of other nations,"
 * "It was later certified silver" → "The song was later certified silver"
 * "the British Phonographic Industry (BPI) denoting" → "the British Phonographic Industry (BPI), indicating"
 * "In Continental Europe, it was most" → "In continental Europe, it was most" with the removed wikilink
 * [18][19] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "the Swedish Singles Chart where it peaked at number one" → "the Swedish Singles Chart, peaking at number one on both of them" with the target
 * "Additionally, it was certified gold" → "Additionally, the song was certified gold"
 * "the Swedish Recording Industry Association (GLF) denoting" → "the Swedish Recording Industry Association (GLF), denoting"
 * "in Spain where it peaked at number two" → "in Spain, peaking at number two"
 * "it reached number three in Finland" → "while the song reached number three in Finland"
 * "number nine in Guatemala,[25] number five in Nicaragua,[26] and number one in Uruguay.[27]" → "number nine, five and one in Guatemala, Nicaragua and Uruguay, respectively.[25][26][27]"
 * "The song also reached number one" → "The song was also a chart topper"
 * "In the United States, "She Bangs" debuted at number 38" → ""She Bangs" debuted at number 38" since US shows it is the United States
 * Target to Billboard Hot 100 should be on the Billboard Hot 100 text instead
 * Mention the issue date of the debut
 * "on the chart it reached its peak of" → "on the chart, the track reached its peak of"
 * "the single has sold over 152,000 digital copies in the country alone" → "the track has sold over 152,000 digital copies in the US"
 * "It was more successful on the Hot Latin Songs chart[32] and the Tropical Songs chart where it reached peaks at number one" → "The track was more successful on the country's Hot Latin Songs and Tropical Songs charts, both of which it peaked at number one on,"
 * [32][33] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "his fifth number-one song on the former chart" → "his fifth number one song on the former chart"
 * "It also peaked at number two on the" → "The track further peaked at number two on the US"
 * Target Latin Pop Songs to Latin Pop Airplay
 * [34][35] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "on the Mainstream Top 40 chart" → "on the Mainstream Top 40"
 * "On the Adult Top 40 and Hot Dance Club Songs," → "On the Adult Top 40 and Hot Dance Club Songs charts,"
 * [36][37] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
 * "and 27 respectively" → "and 27, respectively"
 * "The single was more successful in Canada, where it reached" → "The track was more successful in Canada, reaching"
 * "The song experienced moderate chart success in Japan, where it peaked" → "It experienced moderate chart success in Japan, peaking"

Music video

 * Section belongs as the one directly before Commerical performance instead
 * Nope. The order is Critical, Commercial, then Music video. Check a bunch of FA articles for further reference. — Tom (T2ME) 07:48, 22 June 2020 (UTC)

Development and synopsis

 * Img needs alt text
 * Wikilink music video to itself on the img text
 * "was shot at" → "was shot at the"
 * Remove wikilink on Bahamas
 * Ditto in the prose
 * "Isham has worked on some of Martin's previous videos including" → "Isham had worked on some of Martin's previous videos, including the ones for"
 * "to-be as part of a trilogy" → "as being part of a trilogy"
 * This sentence doesn't seem to be backed up by the ref from what I can see; but a subscription is required so may I assume good faith?
 * "he envisioned the video taking place" → "he envisioned the visual taking place"
 * "felt the Bahamas was the perfect place to film the video" → "felt that the Bahamas was the perfect place to film it"
 * "over 100 people was involved with the production of the film" → "over 100 people were involved in the production process"
 * Wikilink Hispanophone to itself
 * "market while the English version" → "market, while the English version"
 * Wikilink MTV to itself
 * "Making the Video the following day" → "Making the Video series the following day"
 * "to an underwater nightclub with Martin" → "to an underwater nightclub, with Martin"
 * "explained that the filming the scene" → "explained that filming the scene"
 * "long time; also he had to" → "long time, as well as having to"
 * "blowing bubbles of his mouth" → "blowing bubbles out of his mouth"
 * "Upon entering the nightclub Martin" → "Upon entering the nightclub, Martin"
 * "while dancing with the people" → "as he dances with the people"
 * "the club with several scenes" → "the club, with several scenes"
 * Target seduced to Seduction
 * "into a closet where he dances" → "into a closet, in which he dances"
 * "Near the end of the video" → "Near the end of the visual"
 * "The video concludes with him" → "The music video concludes with him"

Reception and controversy

 * "The explicit sexual scenes received criticism" → "The explicit sexual scenes of the music video were met with criticism"
 * "several American television station" → "several American television stations" with the target
 * "According to Daily Records John Dingwall with the video the singer" → "According to the Daily Records John Dingwall, with the visual, Martin"
 * "with a transformation to more mature one" → "by transforming to more mature one"
 * "The video was consequently banned" → "It was consequently banned"
 * "countries such as the Dominican Republic" → "countries, such as the Dominican Republic"
 * "Martin and Isham won the award for" → "the music video was awarded"
 * "In the same year, it was the" → "That same year, it won"

Live performances

 * "Martin performed it on" → "he performed it on"
 * "Al Fin de Semana and Otro Rollo" → "Al Fin de Semana and Otro Rollo that same year"
 * "During the 2000 MTV Europe Music Awards" → "At the 2000 MTV Europe Music Awards"
 * "in tanks as he sings" → "in tanks while he sung"
 * "North American concert in 2001" → "North American concert of 2001"
 * Wikilink Los Angeles to itself
 * "was included in the" → "was included on the"
 * "for the 2011" → "for both Martin's 2011"
 * Done all, except wiki linking Los Angeles per WP:OVERLINK. No need to link it, it's a well-known city. — Tom (T2ME) 16:58, 5 July 2020 (UTC)

Cover versions

 * ""She Bangs" has been covered by several contestants on various music talent shows." there are only two performances below so this is not backed up
 * "rendition was poorly received with" → "rendition was poorly received, with"
 * "that he had zero talent" and was" → "that Ronny B had "zero talent", and he was"

William Hung version

 * This should be sub-section of the already sub-section Cover versions, since it is a notable cover in itself
 * Target third season to American Idol (season 3)
 * "of American Idol" → "of American Idol in 2004"
 * "dancing. Simon Cowell interrupted" → "dancing, and Simon Cowell interrupted"
 * "gained a following his performance and signed on to" → "gained a following after his performance and ultimately signed to"
 * "recorded his cover of" → "released a cover of"
 * "on his debut album" → "on his debut studio album"
 * "(2004) which was panned" → "(2004), with the cover being generally panned"
 * "writes that Hung" → "wrote that Hung"
 * "being mildly retarded."" → "being mildly retarded"."
 * "called it the" → "said that it is the"
 * "injection you can get."" → "injection you can get"."
 * "Hung performance of the song" → "Hung's performance of the song"
 * "on Hung's cover" → "on the cover version"

Credits and personnel

 * Target Mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)
 * See the personnel guide and re-write accordingly
 * Target Songwriting to Songwriter instead
 * Target Recording engineers to Audio engineer, or engineering; depends which comes first in the new order
 * Acoustic Guitar → Acoustic guitar with the wikilink
 * Background Vocals → Background vocals
 * Baritone Saxophone → Baritone saxophone with the wikilink
 * Macintosh & Digital Programming → Macintosh and digital programming
 * Electric Guitar → Electric guitar with the wikilink
 * Drum & Rhythm Programming → Drum and rhythm programming
 * Additional Programming → Additional programming
 * Acoustic Solo → Acoustic solo
 * Electric Guitar Solo → Electric guitar solo
 * Tenor Saxophone → Tenor saxophone with the wikilink

Weekly charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * Target Polish Airplay Charts to Polish music charts instead
 * Target Romanian Top 100 to Romanian record charts instead

Year-end charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION, the caption will be different here though
 * Norway Christmas Period (VG-lista) → Norway (VG-lista), since Christmas was when the chart was released for year-end actually from the looks of it

Certifications

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * Remove US from here, since there is no certification and it is just a number that is over 300,000 away from Gold anyway

Final comments and verdict

 * but won't be for too long since there are two of you to fix the issues! --Kyle Peake (talk) 08:07, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
 * My next day off work is Tuesday, so I'll get it on that day. Erick (talk) 02:49, 22 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah I have no issue with that; depending on the time though, I may respond later on during the day since I'm going out. --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:55, 22 June 2020 (UTC)
 * and, you two got any updates on this? --Kyle Peake (talk) 12:16, 1 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Gonna need at least another week to finish this. I worked on the music video today. Erick (talk) 04:04, 5 July 2020 (UTC)
 * I was about to fail this due to it being on hold for over three weeks and because neither of you had responded to my comments from four days ago, but now there has been a response from you and may I ask what took so long? --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:35, 5 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Well, you know, life happened. It's not that we are on Wikipedia all the time. Plus, you literally asked us to change nearly every sentence, which frankly, sometimes, I do not agree with some of the prose you are suggesting. So, yes, we will need some more time. — Tom (T2ME) 16:50, 5 July 2020 (UTC)
 * and, I understand that you may oppose some of the prose I suggested to change because constructive criticism is acceptable and there were many changes suggested by me. However, this article has been left on hold for over two weeks since you asked for "some more time," so I will sadly have to ❌ it. --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:27, 20 July 2020 (UTC)


 * Hi, I tried to fix all the mentioned issues, and added some content. I'll be thankful if you check the article once again and tell me to fix the remaining issues that I missed. آرمین هویدایی (talk) 14:59, 27 March 2021 (UTC)