Talk:Siege of Svetigrad/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: JonCatalán(Talk) 15:05, 11 October 2010 (UTC)

Comments:
 * I worked a bit on the lead. The language is relatively poor.  For example, "The fortress lay on an important route from Macedonia to Albania, making it advantageous to whoever owned it to move against the other." → I'm trying to copyedit the sentence, but it's hard to make it more specific (to make it flow better) because I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "move against the other". Edit: See the new sentence.
 * The lead is discontinuous. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, you mention the "Albanian revolt".  Why is this not mentioned sooner?  There is context missing from the lead.  If this campaign occurred during an Albanian revolt this has to be made clearer, otherwise all the events seem to occur arbitrarily and independently from each other, and I'm sure this is not the case.
 * This edit should clarify. The League of Lezhe article has plenty of info and it "revolted" against the Empire. --  S ulmues (talk) 16:35, 11 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Similarly, under "prelude" you should make it clearer if Albania was occupied by the Ottoman Empire at this point (otherwise, how is an anti-Ottoman confederacy a rebellion?).
 * Please see this edit which should fix that. --  S ulmues (talk) 16:41, 11 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Regarding citations, even if an entire part of a paragraph falls under one citation, sometimes it's justified to repeat the citation one after the other. An excellent example is the second paragraph of "prelude", where those figures for army size need to be cited (even if they fall under citation 11).  I did this for you, here, though.
 * I won't hold it against this review, but you should find someone willing to copyedit the language. It could use work.  See: WikiProject Military history/Logistics.
 * Image checks out.

To clarify, for the purpose of the review, the only things which I see as necessary is clarification of the lead (regarding the revolt) and clarification in the first section regarding Albania's status as a territory of the Ottoman Empire. What this really amounts to is asking for a little bit more background information, so we know the entire context of the event without having to guess. JonCatalán(Talk) 15:54, 11 October 2010 (UTC)