Talk:Sixto Escobar/GA1

GA Review
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Review by 
 * Lead
 * The intro is lacking, the first sentence goes straight into what he was most notable for. Why not state it like "Sixto Escobar was a Puerto Rican professional boxer. He was the country's first world champion."
 * I expanded these two sentences, how does it look? -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After gathering a record of 21-1-1 as an amateur, Escobar debuted as a professional in 1931 defeating Luis "Kid Dominican" Pérez by knockout. - link to knockout?
 * Linked. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After some fights, he moved to Venezuela due to lack of opponents in his division. - 1)"some fights" is WP:WEASEL 2)add the word 'the' before "lack of opponents"
 * Reworded. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * There he received an opportunity for the Venezuelan Bantamweight championship, but lost by points. - "by points"? How many and link to what this process means?
 * Based on the points scored by the judges, I'm adding a link to Unanimous decision. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Some time later he moved to New York and began boxing in other states, eventually capturing the Montreal Athletic Commission World Bantamweight Title. - "some time later" is WP:WEASEL
 * Reworded. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)


 * Early life
 * Early in his life he moved to Tras Talleres in Santurce, a subsection of San Juan, Puerto Rico. - comma after "life"
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * In Tras Talleres he began developing an interest in boxing and received instruction in said discipline. - comma after "Talleres"
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Although at this time boxing was illegal in Puerto Rico, remote places such as a house’s backyard or rooftops were used to organize clandestine fights without attracting attention from the local police. - comma after "time", change the comma after "Puerto Rico" to a semi colon
 * Corrected, you certainly have a keen eyes for puntiation errors. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After several months of instruction, Soto prepared a boxing card with included three-round fights, with each round lasting two minutes. - "with" should be 'which'
 * Reworded. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After this Escobar continued fighting in clandestine gyms. - add "match" before this and add a comma after this
 * Reworded, added combat after "match" (i.e. "After this match, ...") ;-) -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Escobar received his boxing license trough Peñagaricano. - typo on the word through
 * Corrected. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Professionals would fight Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays which were considered the best days of the week, while amateurs could compete the remaining days of the week without limitations. - comma before which
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * As an amateur he fought in 23 combats, gathering a record of 21 wins, one loss and a draw. - comma after amateur
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)


 * Professional
 * Escobar turned professional on September 1, 1930, in a fight card organized at the Victory Garden gym in San Juan.  - how did he turn professional just by one white? what classified him as a professional?
 * The rules changed slightly, but the only real difference back then was that pros fought for money. How should we state that? -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * On November 11, 1931, Escobar competed against Enrique Chaffardet for the Venezuelan Bantamweight title, but lost by decision. - 1)title should be capitalize 2)by "decision" makes no sense, how can he win/lose "by decision"?
 * Unanimous decision of the judges, added a link in the lead. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After 17 fights he returned to Puerto Rico and competed in five cards. - comma after fights
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * General comment: Some of the boxing terms needs to be linked, like card (sports).
 * In the meanwhile, Tony Rojas, a friend of his managers Gustavo Jiménez and Arturo Gigante convinced them to release Escobar of the contract which binded them. - comma after "Gigante"
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Since Escobar turned professional while he was still legally minor, his father had has to sign the unbinding agreement. - 1)add "a" before legally 2)remove has (not grammatically correct)
 * Corrected. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * This was an eliminatory card organized by the Montreal Athletic Commission, which was to determine a contender for their vacant Bantamweight world championship, against first contender Baby Casanova who attended the card. - capitalize world championship and add a comma before who
 * Corrected. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * This marked Leitham's last fight. Folloing this result, the NBA immediately called for a fight between Escobar and Casanova - since the acronym is in use here, you need to elaborate the acronym earlier like "National Boxing Association (NBA)"
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The fight took place on June 26, 1934, and it was organized in Montreal, Canada. Escobar scored a knckdown in the third round, the fight concluded in the ninth round when Casanova lost by knockout.  - typo on knockdown and replace the comma before the fight concluded with a semi colon
 * Corrected. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * On August 8, 1934, he defeated Eugene Hart by points in a non-title match organized in Canada. - this needs to be elaborated as to what points mean in the term of boxing or at least linked somewhere
 * Linked in the lead. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * He spent a month in inactivity while recovering and in the winter he returned to Puerto Rico. - comma before and
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The current governor ordered to have all government buildings closed so that public employees could attend a welcoming ceremony. - this should be "the governor" because he probably isn't the governor anymore, in addition what was his name?
 * Reworded. I can't really say who it was, the book only says "el governador...", it could have been either Benjamin Jason Horton or Blanton C. Winship. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * On August 7, 1935, Escobar defeated Peter Santol, who was considered Canada's best bantaweight and held the Canadian Boxing Federation & Montreal Athletic Commission world titles, by unanimous decision in 12 rounds. - instead of repeating the names of the companies over and over use the acronym, but elaborate the acronym earlier in the article
 * Got em'. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * However, Escobar wasn't still considered the division's undisputed champion because Baltazar Sangchili had defeated Panama Al Brown and was recognized by the International Boxing Union. - the still should be before wasn't, remember my note about the acronyms
 * Corrected. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Wanting to be recognized as such, Escobar pursued an title unification fight against Tony Marino, who had defeated Sangchili by knockout in his previous fight. - "a" not an
 * Fixed. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Shortly after, he recovered from this loss, he returned to the gym and defeated Johnny Defoe in a preparaty contest. - remove the comma before loss and add "and" before he. Replace the and with a semicolon and add "he" before defeated
 * Got it. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * After this fight, he received The Ring's bantamweight championship, which was presented by the magazine's editor, Nat Fleischer. - is The Ring Bantamweight Championship the official name, if so, it needs to be capitalized properly
 * Um, its not really a world championship. But it is a championship of sorts, there is a physical belt that recognizes the holder as the "real" champion. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)


 * Death
 * During this date an activity was presented by Puerto Rico's House of Boxing in the library of the Pabellón de la Fama del Deporte Puertorriqueño. - comma after date
 * Added. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:13, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Overall review
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose quality:
 * B. MoS compliance:
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. References to sources:
 * B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * The statue's image was taken by Tony himself, he e-mailed me a unmodified (without the yellow-ish tint) copy before uploading it here. Thus, the license should be or  (which is the current one). -   Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:18, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * The statue's image was taken by Tony himself, he e-mailed me a unmodified (without the yellow-ish tint) copy before uploading it here. Thus, the license should be or  (which is the current one). -   Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  21:18, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Pass or Fail:


 * Sorry for the delay, for some reason all of the nominations are being attended during this week. I will work with it calmy tommorow. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  03:00, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * That's fine. :)-- TRU    CO   19:01, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Passing nomination, however, I would still like to see a general copyedit be done. Best, -- TRU  CO   22:41, 7 February 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks man, sorry for the delayed response. -  Ca ri bb e a  n ~ H. Q.  22:45, 16 February 2009 (UTC)