Talk:Skirmish near Brooklyn, Kansas/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 21:35, 11 December 2021 (UTC)

Hi, I'll take a look at this one shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 21:35, 11 December 2021 (UTC)

Prelim

 * No duplicated links
 * No edit wars
 * Earwig reports no copyvio
 * No images to check. Suggest at least one portrait of one of the commanders involved be added
 * I've added an image of Quantrill

Lede and infobox

 * Union Army link needs to be moved to first mention
 * Done
 * List the union units on different lines in the infobox, as of now it reads like the militia were part of the 9th
 * Done
 * Why not mention that the cavalry are from the 9th in the main text? Seems strange to only note and reference it in the infobox

Background

 * "while some of Missouri's residents supported slavery." are you able to quantify the amount of slavery supporters?
 * "The Kansans were known as Jayhawkers" this sounds like all Kansans were called this, but I assume you're particularly referencing the guerrillas, as you do next for the bushwhackers?
 * Clarified
 * "Both sides committed atrocities." very vague. Can you expand on what kind of atrocities these were/why they committed them/for what caused they were committed? A little too much is left to inference here
 * Clarified
 * "In August" of what year?
 * Added
 * "having kidnapped and later murdered locals guide his men to the city of Lawrence." think I get what this sentence is meant to say, but it needs rewording badly
 * Done
 * "and entered Kansas" I realise you go into detail in the next paragraph, but briefly specify here why they did so?
 * "who was hated in Missouri"...for his views? his actions?
 * He was a notorious Jayhawker
 * "The historian Albert E. Castel states" sounds more like an argument than a statement of fact to me
 * Reworded
 * "In the ensuing Lawrence Massacre" when?
 * Added

Skirmish

 * Move Union army link to first mention
 * Done
 * "Fort Scott Road" if this doesn't have an article I don't see the use in specifying it over saying "moving along the roads towards Baldwin until it reached..."
 * Done
 * "the route he had taken into Kansas" specify at some point what/where this route was?
 * "He also ordered Brooklyn burned." before reading the sources I had no idea this meant the town was completely destroyed! This should be emphasised more
 * Clarified
 * "The town's saloon was not destroyed." I assume this means something, but I'm unsure what that is exactly!
 * Unclear (source just makes a vague implication of alcoholism), so I've rephrased it to that all buildings except for the saloon were burned down
 * You state that Lane's men reached Quantrill while he was still at/near Brooklyn, but I've already read about Quantrill deciding to begin his escape towards the south-east. Either the chronology is a little funky here or this needs clarifying
 * "A force of about 200..." three uses of "force" in one sentence is a bit much here!
 * " Shots were fired..." this sounds very brief and bloodless like this - was that the case? If possible I think more detail would be useful here
 * Per Castel 1999, it was bloodless. Added
 * Stipulate what date these actions are happening on, it's not clear that it's on the same day as the massacre
 * I've tried to clarify that this is going on the same day as the massacre
 * "George M. Todd..." who? Introduce the man before he makes his charge!
 * Glossed
 * "losses on both sides" are there no exact figures?
 * Not that I've seen.
 * I think it would be useful to say earlier on that Quantrill's men were mounted
 * NPS source says that the cavalry were still chasing Quantrill on 28 August?

Aftermath

 * "Union forces attempted" are these the same group of militia/cavalry or a different group of Union soldiers?
 * Link militiamen
 * Done
 * "avoided a force of 150 Missouri militiamen" can you expand on how they did this?
 * "depopulated 10,000 civilians from parts of four counties in western Missouri." to what end?