Talk:Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams/GA2

GA Review
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I will be reviewing this article. Please let me know if you have any questions. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  18:49, 1 December 2008 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for criteria)

Looks good from a first glance. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  19:29, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * See my comments in the "Prose" and "MoS" sections below. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  19:29, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * See my comments in the "References" section below.
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * Seems stable to me. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  19:29, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Regarding the promotional photo, it seems too large. I would resize it and edit the caption to say "Knowles" instead of "Solange". – Ms. Sarita  Confer  19:29, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I still feel the image is too large, but it isn't that big of a deal to me. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  05:52, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * I am placing the article on hold for seven days. Let me know if you need more time to address the issues below. Feel free to leave a message if you have questions/complaints/comments. Good luck improving the article! I was lucky to find an article that didn't need a lot of work. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  20:44, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Good job to both Dan56 and DiverseMentality. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  07:00, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I am placing the article on hold for seven days. Let me know if you need more time to address the issues below. Feel free to leave a message if you have questions/complaints/comments. Good luck improving the article! I was lucky to find an article that didn't need a lot of work. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  20:44, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Good job to both Dan56 and DiverseMentality. – Ms. Sarita  Confer  07:00, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

Prose

 * There is an occurrence of using both "Knowles's" and "Knowles'" throughout the article. It needs to be consistent.

Background


 * Heavily influenced by Motown girl groups such as The Supremes and The Marvelettes, and by her mother, Tina, a one-time member of the 1960s harmony group The Veltones, who used to play music by the likes of Dusty Springfield and Martha Reeves to her, Knowles decided to distance herself from the contemporary R&B and dance-pop sound mainly associated with her previous effort, Solo Star. This sentence seems to be far too long and confusing. I had to read it through three times to get a feel for what the sentence was trying to convey. May I suggest either breaking up the sentence into two sentences or making use of the m-dash?

Recording
 * ...she struggled convincing her wishlisted musicans to contribute to Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams productionwise, as no producer did sign on to the project before he had heard any material she had penned. I would change "convincing" to "to convince" and "did sign on" to "had signed on". Also, with the use of the word "he", we are assuming that the producers were all male. Is this true? Perhaps this part of the sentence should be revised to make it gender-neutral?
 * The word "productionwise" located in the first sentence of this section: Shouldn't there be a hyphen somewhere in there? Or is "productionwise" actually one long word?
 * ...the album was titled after the Hadley Street... Should it be "the Hadley Street" or just "Hadley Street"?

Commercial
 * Sol-Angel's lead single... Is the album known to abbreviate its name like this? Perhaps it should be written "The album's lead single..."?
 * ...chart at number 44 in the Billboard issue dated July 5, 2008. Personally, I would have written, ...in Billboard's July 5, 2008 issue.

MoS
Lead
 * The quote, ..."intellectual, backpacking, coffee shop, digital kid"... really shouldn't be Wikilinked per WP:MOSQUOTE.
 * The "vintage" Wikilink takes me to an article about vintage wine-making. Is this what you want?

Background
 * ...revolving around her growth as a musical artist instead... "Artist" does not need to be Wikilinked.
 * ...based around the Sixties and Seventies... "Seventies" should not be Wikilinked per WP:MOSQUOTE.

Recording
 * ...unreleased recording "Wanna Go Back,"... and ...demoed the track "Same Song, Different Man,"... The comma needs to go outside of the quotation marks.
 * Wikilink for "Q-Tip" takes me to the article about cotton swabs. You need to locate the appropriate Wikilink for the article that you want.

Commercial
 * "Europe" is Wikilinked here but not in the "Background" section of the article?
 * Using terms such as "recently" is considered dated.

Critical
 * ..."a woozy lava lamp glow. "Lava lamp" should not be Wikilinked per WP:MOSQUOTE.
 * The word "however" at the end of the section should be removed as it implies that it is comparing that review with another.