Talk:Solen glimmar blank och trind/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

My third review for you now, guess there's really many GANs of yours in the queue! --K. Peake 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Many thanks as always. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:42, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * Img looks good!
 * Thanks!


 * "round), is one of the Swedish poet" → "round) is one of Swedish poet"
 * Done.


 * Again, best-known and best-loved does not belong in the opening sentence
 * Done.


 * The subtitle should be the second sentence instead
 * Moved.


 * Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
 * Done.


 * "after a night" → "following a night"
 * Mm, I think "after" is better actually.
 * You used the same word earlier in the sentence and neither alters the meaning, so switch to following or something similar. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)


 * [1] is not needed in the lead since that info is in the body and refs are discouraged here anyway
 * There's a direct quotation in double quotation marks, so it'd best stay.
 * No there is not, you are thinking of [2]. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Aha. Gone.


 * Only part of the subtitle is sourced in the body
 * Fixed.


 * Pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands
 * Done.


 * "It is one of Bellman's" → "The composition is one of Bellman's" and this should be the last sentence of the first para
 * Done.


 * Wikilink as Bacchanalian instead
 * Done.


 * "Places along the route can" → "Places along the route to Stockholm can" starting the second para
 * Done the paragraphing; no need to repeat as "back home to Stockholm" is just above.


 * Reception should be after the above sentence in second para, but this could be split into more than one sentence
 * I must say I think it works well as one sentence, as the clauses compactly build up a picture.
 * Isn't this overusage of "it" though? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Not to worry.


 * "its detail to" → "the detail to"
 * See item above.


 * "its delicacy to Watteau's," → "the delicacy to Antoine Watteau's," with the wikilink
 * As above; piped.


 * Add a final sentence mentioning the adaptation
 * Perhaps a bit too prominent for the item concerned.
 * Don't you need another sentence at least since the second para is too short? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * OK, found a sentence that seems to fit in naturally there. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:20, 30 November 2021 (UTC)

Context

 * The ref in the first sentence should solely be at the end of it
 * Done.


 * "his songs at the" →"his songs at locations such as the"
 * Edited.


 * "during the eighteenth century." → "during the 18th century." per MOS:NUM
 * Done.


 * Remove comma after his employer
 * The comma separates the noun phrase from another noun phrase which explains it.
 * It is not needed for introductions like this in the body, as writing the role out and then a name makes it clear. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Done, but the issue isn't clarity but naturalness.


 * no. 48 → No. 48 on the img text
 * Done.

Music

 * Add text about the audio sample to comply with WP:NFCCP
 * Done.


 * Pipe key to Key (music)
 * Done.


 * "each of eight lines." → "each consisting of eight lines."
 * Done.


 * "CCCB. It was written" → "CCCB, while the composition was written" to avoid overly short sentences
 * Edited.


 * The quote does not need a speech mark at the end because there's not one at the start
 * Gone.


 * Pipe Antoine de Bourbon to Antoine of Navarre
 * Done.


 * opera-ballet → opéra-ballet
 * Done.


 * "where it is named as" → "under the name of"
 * Done.


 * "where Bellman obtained it," → "where Bellman obtained the melody,"
 * Done.


 * "Bellman knew it as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", and set his" → "Bellman knew the melody as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", setting his"
 * I think the past tense and active verb work better here, given the "knew" at the start.


 * "of Bacchi Tempel, and his poem" → "of ''Bacchi Tempel and his poem"
 * No, see next item.


 * Remove comma after the poem title
 * The punctuation is a natural and necessary pause here, as both the song and the poem are set to that tune: we mustn't group the poem with the concluding phrase, or we'd leave the song stranded with no target.


 * Only use Bellman's surname on the img text, like the previous one
 * Done.

Lyrics

 * Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
 * Done.


 * Remove wikilink on Stockholm
 * Gone.


 * Last para looks good!
 * Thanks!

Places mentioned

 * Wikilink Ulla Winblad and pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands on the img text
 * Done.


 * "in the text." → "in the text:" per them being in the box below and does ref 17 need to be there too?
 * Punctuated. The ref is certainly advisable to deter the tag-every-uncited-para bunnies.


 * Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
 * Done.


 * Pipe Saltpeter to Niter
 * Done.

Reception

 * Remove wikilinks on Stockholm and Ulla Winblad for the img text
 * Gone.


 * "Bellman's biographer, the translator" → "Translator and Bellman biographer"
 * British usage.


 * "a masterpiece, and" → "a masterpiece and"
 * Done.


 * Remove wikilink on Watteau
 * Gone.


 * "all together they" → "he believes that all together they"
 * Edited.


 * "Elias Martin's canvasses."" → "Elias Martin's canvasses"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * Done.


 * "and that he achieved this also" → "also seeing he achieved this"
 * Um, surely that changes the meaning.
 * Shouldn't you reword to avoid overusage of "that"? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * The sentence isn't cluttered with them.


 * "in narrative technique, and in Fredman's" → "narrative technique, and Fredman's"
 * Done, but I'm a bit queasy about the result.


 * Pipe Goddess Venus to Venus (mythology) and remove the comma afterwards
 * Done.


 * Remove pipe on Neptune
 * No, that'd mean the planet instead.
 * You've piped to the article elsewhere, so try rewording to specify what Neptune is being referred to. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Oh you mean unlink. Done.


 * "states that the song paints" → "states the song paints"
 * Better with than without.
 * Overusage of "that" on this and the next one, again? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Rereading it, I'm still quite comfortable with it as it is with just 2 instances.


 * "that the verses offer" → "the verses offer"
 * Ditto.


 * "that Ulla is here no" → "how Ulla Winblad is here no"
 * Done.


 * "and that the text of" → "and how the text of"
 * Done.


 * "where the seasick Ulla drops" → "where Ulla Winblad is seasick and drops"
 * That changes the sense. Presumably she became seasick while in the boat. Also it's what Lönnroth said.
 * Use the full name, as this is not a real person. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Done, but neither I nor the scholars cited see that as a rule.


 * Penultimate para looks good!
 * Thanks.


 * "one of the songs most" → "one of the ones most" to avoid overusage of songs
 * Said "pieces".


 * "in both cases, it was" → "In both cases, the composition was" as a new sentence and to avoid overly repetitive wording
 * Edited.

Recordings and adaptations

 * Like before, can you add enough info for any of these to meet WP:SONGCOVER?
 * Cut for now, I may look for discussions of the recordings one day.


 * Remove the comma after Mikael Samuelson
 * Done.


 * Italicise festschrift
 * Done.

Final comments and verdict

 * until everything is resolved; your response time has been very impressive! --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, I don't take any issues with the usage of that upon second consideration and regarding the fullname of the character being used, that is a Wiki policy when names are not real ones. --K. Peake 10:24, 30 November 2021 (UTC)