Talk:Stanisław Żółkiewski/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum (talk · contribs) 12:39, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Lead
 * "He held a number of notable posts in the administration of the Commonwealth ...". In what sense sense were the positions notable?
 * Changed to "high ranking". This or VM's version which removed the word should be good, I hope. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * During his lifetime he won major military victories against Sweden, Muscovy, the Ottoman Empire and the Tatars." Could hardly have done when was dead could he? Perhaps what's meant is something like "During his military career ..."?
 * I see VM already fixed that. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "His most renown victory was the defeat of the combined Russian and Swedish forces at the battle of Klushino in 1610".
 * ? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)
 * Tense. Renowned? Malleus Fatuorum 16:51, 18 October 2012 (UTC)
 * Ah. The text does say renowned now. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 21:18, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "... which in its aftermath lead to the Poles seizing Moscow". What's that "in its aftermath lead" supposed to mean? (Should be "led" anyway.) Perhaps "... in the aftermath of which the Poles seized Moscow" would be better?
 * Fixed by VM. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "... his heroic death in that battle further boosted his fame". We haven't so far been told that he had any fame to be boosted.
 * Fixed by VM. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)

Family and assets
 * "During his life, he amassed a large fortune". Could hardly have amassed it during his death, so isn't "during his life" redundant?
 * Fixed by VM. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "His income of more than 100,000 złoties made him one of the wealthiest Commonwealth magnates." Is that 100,000 złoties per annum?

Re: His income of more than 100,000 złoties made him one of the wealthiest Commonwealth magnates." Is that 100,000 złoties per annum? - if it's income (rather than wealth) then that would be per unit of time, most likely per year. On the other hand it says "wealthiest", but obviously high income per year often leads to high net worth (wealth). So I'm guessing it is referring to income rather than wealth. Unfortunately, I don't have access to the source right now so I can't check if it's talking about income or wealth for sure. I also corrected the plural there.  Volunteer Marek   21:22, 13 October 2012 (UTC)


 * I won't have access to the source till December, but IIRC, yes, it was per annum. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)

Youth
 * "On the night of 11 to 12 May of 1584 he captured Samuel Zborowski, whose subsequent execution caused much controversy. Żółkiewski was 37 years old at that time, hardly a youth.
 * VM changed section name to Early career, and rearranged some other section titles; this should address the concern here. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "... he would however study on his own". He would study on his own if what? (The subjective has an inherent conditionality: this would happen if that did.)
 * VM changed it to "However, he studied on his own". --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "He gained his first military experience under King Stefan Batory during the Danzig rebellion, in which he commanded a rota of Polish hussars.[1] Subsequently he participated in the Livonian campaign of Stephen Báthory". So which is it to be?
 * Fixed by VM. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)

Early career
 * This covers the period up to about 1616, by which time Żółkiewski was 69 years old, so hardly still in his early career. The organisaton of this section and the preceding Youth section needs to be reconsidered.
 * VM changed section name to Early career, and rearranged some other section titles; this should address the concern here. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)

Remembrance
 * "Żółkiewski's death gave rise to a veritable legend about the Christian knight slain by the pagans in defense of the Holy Faith." I don't really understand this. What's meant by "veritable legend"? And it's not at all obvious what this has to do with Żółkiewski, other than the accident of chronology, unless the implication is that he was the Christian knight.
 * Removed word veritable. You are right about the implication, I'd think it is clear enough from the text? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "His tragic but heroic death, portrayed in several works of art, including by his contemporaries Teofil Szemberg and Stanisław Witkowski, whose works boosted his fading reputation, and guaranteed him a place among the pantheon of the most famed of Polish military commanders." Bit of a monster sentence that, and the beginning doesn't match the end anyway.
 * Tried rewriting it, I hope it is better now. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "In the subsequent times, he was mentioned in the works of writers such as ...". Not very idiomatic. Is what's meant something like "In the years following his death ..."?
 * Switched to your phrase. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "A monument was built in the place of his death as early as 1621, by his son Jan." Why "as early as", which implies either that we're not certain of the date or that the monument was erected unusually soon after his death?
 * I meant to say that it happen so soon after his death, but for now, I just removed the quoted phrase. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the review. I'll try to address all issues within a day or so. --<sub style="border:1px solid #228B22;padding:1px;">Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 19:24, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. --<sub style="border:1px solid #228B22;padding:1px;">Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 01:01, 18 October 2012 (UTC)

As Field Crown Hetman
 * "Since 1612 he was a teacher and tutor of Stanisław Koniecpolski ..." Not sure what that means: "In 1612 he became a teacher and tutor of ..."?
 * Fixed, but... I was sure this sentence was referenced. What happened? --<sub style="border:1px solid #228B22;padding:1px;">Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 23:25, 23 October 2012 (UTC)


 * "Zygmunt rejected Żółkiewski's political plan however, which would have required Władysław to convert to Orthodoxy." Who is this Zygmunt?
 * I hope that my most recent edit clarifies this. --<sub style="border:1px solid #228B22;padding:1px;">Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus&#124; reply here 22:29, 24 October 2012 (UTC)
 * It does indeed, so we can close this now. Malleus Fatuorum 23:11, 24 October 2012 (UTC)