Talk:Steamer Maxwell/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Disc Wheel (talk · contribs) 02:39, 28 January 2013 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:


 * General
 * "He served two seasons as coach of the Monarchs before moving to the cross-town rival Winnipeg Falcons."
 * Monarchs? I'd suggest putting the whole team name here since this is a new section.
 * Done.


 * He played rover, and began his senior career in 1909–10 with the Winnipeg Monarchs of the Manitoba Hockey League (MHL), appearing in one game.
 * The Winnipeg link needs to be disambiguated. Also I just feel the sentence construction is awkward. Maybe try this: "He began his senior career in 1909-10 with the Winnipeg Monarchs of the Manitoba Hockey League (MHL), where he appeared in a single game and played the rover position."
 * I moved the Rover part into the preceding sentence and reversed the remainder to eliminate all the awkward pauses.


 * "By virtue of the title, the team was granted posession of the Allan Cup, emblematic of Canada's national senior-amateur championship, but initially refused to defend the trophy against a challenge by the Kenora Thistles after the Cup's trustees ruled Dick Irvin ineligible."
 * Sort of the same problem here, but I'd suggest making two sentences out of this and make sure the past tense is being used.
 * Broken up.


 * "His business interests outside of hockey prevented Maxwell from travelling to Belgium with his team,[10] however the International Ice Hockey Federation (IIHF) lists him as the coach for the gold medal winning Canadians, who outscored their opponents 29–1 in three games played."
 * ";" after "his team," instead of the ","
 * Done


 * "Remaining in the Winnipeg are for his entire career, Maxwell coached several of the city's teams."
 * ... Not too sure what you're saying here. Try to keep with past tense since this is an encyclopedia entry.
 * Reworded


 * "Instead, Maxwell returned to the Winnipeg Monarchs, leading their junior team to the western Canadian championship in 1931–32."
 * "leading their junior team" -> ",where he led their junior team"
 * Done


 * "They lost to the eastern champion Sudbury Cub Wolves in the Memorial Cup final, however."
 * I'd rewrite this as: "In the Memorial Cup final, Maxwell's squad lost to the eastern champion Sudbury Cub Wolves."
 * Done


 * "The company, which focused on plywood supply, was successful, making Maxwell a millionaire."
 * Rewrite as: "The company, which focused on plywood supply, was successful and ultimately made Maxwell a millionaire"
 * Done


 * "Maxwell turned to photography and world travel following his retirement."
 * Start the sentence with "Following his retirement, Maxwell... travel"
 * Done


 * "He was known for his quick, and often barbed, wit; his friends often told a story of an Arenas baseball game where, after failing to convince the umpire that it was too dark to play, Maxwell sent his players onto the field with lighted candles."
 * Definitely split this sentence up, with the first dealing with how he was known for wit and the second being about the story.
 * The story is an example of said wit. I replaced the ; with a :. Better?


 * I'd suggest running the text through a word document with spell check to catch misspelled words.
 * So I just noticed. Done.


 * Overall

It's well written and cited where it should be. Just some easy fixes and its GA worthy. Disc Wheel ( Malk  +  Montributions )  02:39, 28 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review! I have responded to your comments.  Thanks, Resolute 03:00, 28 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Fixed everything. Looks good. GA. Keep up the good work on this site. Disc Wheel  ( Malk  +  Montributions )  03:08, 28 January 2013 (UTC)