Talk:Stephen Schilling/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Monowi (talk) 08:29, 13 December 2009 (UTC)

Initial thoughts
This article passes the quick-fail criteria. Great job on the references, particularly on filling out all the available info on each reference like who wrote the article, who the publisher is, etc.. My goal for this review is to be as thorough as possible with every last detail, but please note it's my personal policy not to make any (substantial) edits on the article I'm currently reviewing, so the list of changes is up to other editors to carry out. Here's my full review:

Requirements for GA passage

 * 1) In the last sentence of the first paragraph of the lead section, it states, "... he played on 3 state champion teams." Generally, numbers under ten need to be typed out. Please type out the number three in that sentence.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:34, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the second sentence of the second paragraph of the lead section, part of the sentence reads, "...he was able to become a member of the a team that won the state championship." I'm not sure what the "...member of the a team..." part is really meant to say. Please reword the sentence as you see fit.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:04, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the third sentence of the 2nd paragraph of the lead section, the sentence begins, "He became a star offensive lineman who was Seattle and a standout...." This clearly appears to be a typo. As such, please re-phrase the sentence as you see fit.
 * Done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:06, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The fourth sentence of the 1st paragraph in the "High school" section reads, "He eventually, became a three-year starter for the football team." Please remove the comma from that sentence.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:07, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The first paragraph in the "High school" needs to be divided into two paragraphs. I recommend a break after the sentence "On September 4, 2004, as a junior, he helped Bellevue end the high school football record 151 game winning streak by De La Salle High School in front of 24,987 at the second annual Emerald City Kickoff Classic at Qwest Field by a 39–20 score." Again, I'll leave this to your discretion as to where the actual paragraph break occurs.
 * Good idea.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:09, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the "high school" section, please combine the sentences "At the end of his junior year he was named the number 25 football prospect in the nation by Rivals.com.[20] He was ranked the number three offensive tackle."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:14, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the first sentence of the 1st paragraph of the "College" section it reads, "He did not arrive in Ann Arbor, Michigan in time..." Since the stats-like box really breaks up the text prior to the start of the "College" section, it is imperative to take the formal route and clearly relate the subject of the sentence to the reader by changing the word "He" to "Schilling."
 * Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:17, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Also in the "College" section, there is a sentence that reads, "After starting the first five games at right tackle, when the team suffered injuries he started two games (Eastern Michigan and Purdue) at right guard." Please re-phrase this sentence into something more straightforward. My suggestion would be, "After starting the first five games at right tackle, Schilling moved to right guard for two games (Eastern Michigan and Purdue) as a result of injuries to some of his other teammates."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:20, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the second paragraph of the "College" section there's a sentence that reads, "As a result of injuries,[52] both David Moosman and David Molk who had been battling to start were in the starting lineup for the 2008 opener." I don't see the necessity of this sentence in the article. Prior sentences already established that Michigan didn't have much offensive line experience going into the 2008 season. Since this article is about Schilling, it's important to try & stay focused on him, and not add reiterate points. I'd like to see this sentence removed, but I'd also accept some form of revision to the sentence if you would like to keep it.
 * Thanks. Removed. That is similar to advice I got in the Molk article.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:25, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) In the sentence immediately after the one mentioned above, it's unnecessary to refer to Schilling as "Stephen Schilling," just use his last name. If the previous sentence is removed from the article text, it would make sense to include the first names of the other two players though.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:28, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The current 2nd paragraph of the "College" section is too long, and also needs to be broken up into two paragraphs. Again, I'll leave it up to you to choose the new paragraph break.
 * The article is currently formated with one paragraph per season in the college section.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:31, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) One of the sentences in the "College" section reads, "In the week, before the last game of the season against Ohio State, Schilling injured his knee in practice." Please remove the comma after the word "week."
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:36, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The very last sentence in the "College" section reads, "He was recognized as ah honorable mention 2009 All-Big Ten Conference selection by both the coaches and the media." Change the word "ah" to the word "an."
 * Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:36, 15 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The "Personal" section is much too short to warrant its own section, let alone its own paragraph. My suggestion would be to mention his mother and sister somewhere else in the text, perhaps early on in the "High school" section. Again, I'll defer to your judgement as to the best place to integrate this info into Schilling's article.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:41, 15 December 2009 (UTC)

Suggestions for future improvement (non-required changes)

 * 1) I am completely lost as to Schilling's status as a redshirt player. The intro mentions he reshirted as a true freshman, then was still in redshirt status in his sophomore year, then the first sentence of the lead section says he did a redshirt junior year as well! As the wiki article for the term "redshirt" mentions in its lead section, "However, a student-athlete may be offered the opportunity to redshirt for one year which allows the athlete to spread those four years of eligibility over five years." Please work on the phrasing of the article so that readers with limited knowledge of college football rules can understand how Schilling can be associated with the redshirt status for three seasons.
 * Apparently, you are misunderstanding the term. When a person uses his college athletic eligibility in four years he is a true freshman, true sophomore, fourth-year senior. When opts to extend one's eligibility by requesting a medical redshirt it means that although one is not in his first year academically, he is using his first year of athletic eligibility and is thus a redshirt freshman, redshirt sophomore, etc.  Once one has gotten to the fourth year of academic progress one is often no longer described with the redshirt adjective and is instead described as a 4th-year junior, 5th-year senior, 6th-year senior, etc.  However, one could be described as a redshirt senior which means one is using one's fourth and final year of athletic eligibility.  Where do you see weaknesses in the text in this regard?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:32, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I anticipate a peer reviewer will point out that the box which details Schilling's pertinent football info needs to be better integrated into the body of the text. It really is just hangin' there at the end of the high school section. Perhaps it will be easier to integrate this box if more info is added to Schilling's article down the line. If there happens to be a current NCAA football player with a Featured Article, I'd defer to how that article is setup.
 * I personally am a fan of this type of use of this box. I think it helps highlight info for highly recruited football and basketball players. I am sort of the guy who commonly uses this box.  It is only available for people who graduated high school in about 2002 and after.  Thus, there are not current WP:FAs to rely on for standard convention. I personally hope it becomes more popular.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:23, 16 December 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) As I mentioned in the required changes section, the article tends to stray from focusing on Schilling at times. I'd definitely try and shore that aspect of the article up before a peer review or a Featured article nom review.
 * 2) Since Schilling's football career is still ongoing, regular updates and new references for any additional info will be imperative if the article is to maintain good article status.
 * I actually just checked recently for the 2009 season and he was not really in the news much. Looking for big things in 2010. Hopefully more watchlists and such. Will be watching and updating.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:56, 15 December 2009 (UTC)

Review result
ON HOLD

I will place the article on hold for seven days, during which time all requirements need to be met in order for me to consider passing it. When/if all the requirements are met, please notify me on my talk page, & I will review the changes. Again, kudos on the excellent work with the article's references; I might have to check out this "NewsBank" website as a resource for baseball articles I contribute too! For anyone else reading this review, please consider reviewing an article yourself at Good article nominations. Thank you for your contribution to Wikipedia thus far, and good luck with the article in the future! Monowi (talk) 04:45, 15 December 2009 (UTC)

GAN Review Updated:Article now passed
This update is to confirm that all requested changes were made, and the article now clearly meets the Good Article requirements. Again, great work on this article, and I hope to one day see it as a Featured Article. Cheers, Monowi (talk) 10:25, 16 December 2009 (UTC)