Talk:Strawberry Bubblegum/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Adam Cuerden (talk · contribs) 10:25, 16 July 2013 (UTC)

Alright. You've probably noticed I started marking this up a bit.

There's a few issues, minor ones, like "primarily and Timberlake's friends", which is either missing a word, or has an extra one, and one potentially major one.

Now, these sort of articles always end up sounding a little disjointed by necessity. You're pulling together the drips and drabs of information from multiple sources to try and make a coherent whole. That's normal. And bits of it will have a lot of quotes.

The problem is... you got a little too close even outside the quotes. Compare:

And so on. If it's not in quotes, it needs to be vastly different than this. Also, your phrasing conceals the source of the first half of quotes. For instance, if you write "and according to David Meller of MusicOMH it shifts into", that implies that the bit before that is not by David Mellar, but, in fact, it is. (also, comma before according and after MusicOMH.)

I'm really sorry, but the whole section is going to need completely rewritten, and, as such, I'm afraid this probably fails. Adam Cuerden (talk) 10:25, 16 July 2013 (UTC)


 * Well, I got a second opinion, and I'm afraid the article fails for now, though hopefully it will pass in the future. Good luck! Adam Cuerden (talk) 11:41, 16 July 2013 (UTC)