Talk:Straylight Run (album)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 11:27, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Another review for the GAN Backlog --K. Peake 11:27, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Producers should be separated with bullet points instead of commas
 * The release sentence should be the second of this paragraph instead of the first of the second para; I will later instruct what to re-word it to
 * "Shaun Cooper after the pair left" → "Shaun Cooper, after both of them left"
 * "and Nolan's sister, Michelle Nolan," → "and John's sister Michelle Nolan," with the appropriate target per MOS:SAMESURNAME
 * "They made some demos and toured through" → "The band recorded some demos and toured throughout"
 * "on their debut album." → "on the album."
 * "They tracked it at" → "Straylight Run tracked it at"
 * Wikilink Woodstock, New York
 * "and June 2004 with" → "and June 2004, with"
 * "The record was released in October 2004 through independent label" → "It was released on October 12, 2004, through"
 * "Several tours across the US followed with" → "The band embarked on several accompanying tours across the United States with"
 * "Something Corporate and Firescape, and performances at" → "Something Corporate, and Firescape, as well as delivering performances for"
 * "The music on Straylight Run moved away" → "The music on Straylight Run moved away"
 * "Taking Back Sunday into piano-centred" → "Taking Back Sunday, transitioning into piano-centred"
 * Last sentence should be about the critical reception in this para; move the one from the third para to this position instead
 * "sold 11,000 copies in its first week of release and reached number 100 on the Billboard 200." → "reached number 100 on the US Billboard 200 in the first week of release, with sales of 11,000 copies."
 * "In addition, it reached the top five of the" → "It further charted at number four on the"
 * Identify the chart as Independent Albums since that is the full name
 * "It would go on to sell over 225,000 copies as of September 2005." → "As of September 2005, the album has sold over 225,000 copies." and mention that this is in the US only
 * "received a positive response from critics," → "received generally positive reviews from music critics," with the target
 * "complimenting the album's sound and others disliking" → "complimenting the sound though others disliked"

Background

 * Retitle to Background and recording
 * "debut album, Tell All Your Friends, in" → "debut studio album Tell All Your Friends in"
 * "the group found themselves" → "the band found themselves"
 * "the band, with bassist Shaun Cooper leaving" → "Taking Back Sunday, while bassist Shaun Cooper left"
 * "Taking Back Sunday frontman Adam Lazzara said that" → "Frontman Adam Lazzara said that"
 * "touring, however, Nolan later accused" → "touring; however, John later accused"
 * "to his sister Michelle," → "to his sister Michelle Nolan," with the target
 * "Nolan and Cooper formed" → "John Nolan and Cooper formed"
 * "These recordings laid" → "The recordings laid"
 * "pop songs which would" → "pop songs, which would" with the target
 * "After recording the demos," → "After the demos had been recorded,"
 * "and Cooper and Nolan were" → "while Cooper and Nolan were"
 * "work with Breaking Pangaea." → "work as part of Breaking Pangaea."
 * "Nolan was sharing an apartment with his sister, Michelle, at the time. He learned" → "John was sharing an apartment with Michelle at the time, with him learning"
 * "to do anything with them." → "to do anything with the songs."
 * "Witnessing her talent, he decided" → "Observing her talent, John Nolan decided"
 * "The quartet continued practicing" → "With their line-up complete, the quartet continued practicing" since the source mentions this
 * "the name Straylight Run." → "the name Straylight Run, after a large amount of discussion and debating." since this is notable
 * "In August, Nolan and Cooper" → "In August 2003, Nolan and Cooper"
 * "fan-recorded versions were" → "fan-recorded versions of the songs were"
 * Where do any of the sources mention two songs on the radio showcase?
 * "the band quickly posted" → "Straylight Run quickly posted"
 * "to help keep up" → "for helping keep up"
 * "being posted, the band was playing" → "being posted online, the band were playing"
 * "the band was attracting offers" → "Straylight Run were attracting offers"
 * "major labels and interest" → "major labels as well as interest"
 * "The group embarked on" → "The band embarked on"
 * "of the northeast US" → "of the northeast United States"
 * "closed the year," → "closed out the year,"
 * "US tour (co-headlining with the New Amsterdams), and" → "US tour that they co-headlined with the New Amsterdams, and"

Writing and production

 * "their debut album," → "their debut studio album,"
 * "on their UK tour in" → "on their tour of the United Kingdom in"
 * Target acoustic to Acoustic music
 * "the track retained its" → "the tracks retained their"
 * "structure but had a different feel to it" → "structure, but some had a different feel to them"
 * "added their parts to it." → "added their parts."
 * "As a result, the band were" → "As a result of this, Straylight Run were"
 * Wikilink Woodstock, New York
 * "to record their album at" → "to record the album at"
 * "away from Nolan" → "away from John Nolan"
 * "With a brief break to play" → "After a brief break to play at"
 * "concluded in June." → "concluded in June of that year."
 * "The band lived in" → "Straylight Run lived in"
 * "Bethpage, New York, for" → "Bethpage, New York, for the tracks" with the wikilink
 * "Album sessions were produced and recorded by" → "Straylight Run was produced and recorded by both"
 * "later mixed the recordings." → "also mixed the album." with the target
 * "and incorporated new songs" → "and created new songs"
 * "of The Format contributed vocals" → "of the Format contributed additional vocals" per MOS:THEMUSIC
 * "provided additional vocals on" → "both provided additional vocals on"

Composition

 * Retitle to Composition and lyrics
 * "featured Nolan (left) and Cooper (right)" → "featured John Nolan (left) and Shaun Cooper (right)" on the img main text, with the targets
 * Imgs need alt text

Overview

 * Does not need to be a sub-section or even sub-heading, just keep as the first two paras of this section
 * "Nolan said that" → "John Nolan said that"
 * "when in reality they showcased" → "when in reality the change showcased"
 * "by the time that album" → "by the time the album"
 * "the writing of those songes" → "the writing of the songs"
 * Remove wikilink on Emo
 * "of Taking Back Sunday and into indie rock territory." → "of Taking Back Sunday, transitioning into an indie rock sound."
 * "Though the album retains" → "Though Straylight Run retains"
 * Target synth to Synthesizer
 * "and "Now It's Done" and provides" → "and "Now It's Done", alongside providing"

Tracks

 * Does not need to be a sub-section or even sub-heading, but keep as separate paras below the first two in the new order
 * "The opening track," → "Straylight Run's opening track,"
 * "vocals and pianos, with accompanying bells" → "vocals over pianos, alongside accompanying bells"
 * Target hook to Hook (music)
 * "from Nolan, before Nolan and his sister harmonize in" → "from John, before him and Michelle harmonize vocally on"
 * Target refrain to Chorus
 * "Nolan plays a" → "John plays a"
 * "escalates from a sole piano" → "escalates from a lone piano"
 * Target chords to Chord (music)
 * "Nolan said it was about" → "John Nolan said the track is about"
 * "are reminiscent of" → "were described as reminiscent of"
 * "a coda with violins." → "a coda and violins at the end."
 * Wikilink "Sunrise Highway" per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * "It was written a few years" → "The track was written a few years"
 * Remove target on Brand New
 * Wikilink Massapequa, New York
 * "up-tempo electronic instrumentation, such as synthesizers." → "up-tempo electronic instrumentation, which includes synths." with the wikilink and target
 * "highlights the band's musical strengths" → "incorporates the band's musical strengths"
 * "second verse"." → "second verse.""

Release

 * Retitle to Release and promotion
 * "the band signed with independent" → "Straylight Run signed to independent record label" with the wikilink
 * "After finishing the recording, the band" → "After finishing the recording of Straylight Run, the band"
 * "in June and July." → "in June and July of 2004."
 * "for release in September." → "for release in September of that year."
 * "The band appeared on" → "Straylight Run appeared on"
 * Target KROQ to KROQ-FM
 * "from the album and" → "from Straylight Run and"
 * "On September 26, the group filmed a video" → "On September 26, 2004, the band filmed a music video" with the wikilink
 * "The train repeatedly" → "The subway train repeatedly"
 * Wikilink MTV
 * "was released on October 12 through." → "was released on October 12, 2004, through."
 * "the band held" → "Straylight Run delivered"
 * "In October and November," → "In October and November of 2004,"
 * "the band won" → "Straylight Run won"
 * Target Launch.com to Yahoo! Music Radio
 * "which earned them a" → "which earned them the spot to deliver a"
 * "In January and February, the band" → "In January and February of 2005, the band"
 * "Following this tour, the group played" → "Following the tour, Straylight Run played"
 * "before embarking on a UK tour in March." → "before they embarked on a UK tour in March of that year."
 * "In April and May," → "In April and May of 2005,"
 * Target vinyl to Phonograph record

Reception

 * Wikilink Johnny Loftus
 * "said that the while the album included" → "said that while Straylight Run includes"
 * "added that the band" → "continued, saying Straylight Run"
 * "Spin compared Nolan's" → "the staff of Spin compared Nolan"
 * "found it" → "found the album to be"
 * "texture than catharsis"," → "texture than catharsis,""
 * "Michelle's vocal appearance" → "Michelle Nolan's vocal appearance"
 * "change-up" with the rest of the group" → "change-up," with the rest of the band"
 * "wrote that the record" → "wrote that Straylight Run"
 * "let down"," → "let down,""
 * "emotionally charged", while saying that" → "emotionally charged," though said that"
 * "the tracks with Michelle" → "the tracks with Nolan"
 * "Straylight Run sold over 11,000 copies within its first week of release, reaching number 100 on the Billboard 200." → "Commercially, Straylight Run reached number 100 on the US Billboard 200, with first week sales of over 11,000 copies."
 * "It also reached number four" → "It also entered at number four"
 * Target Billboard to Billboard (magazine)
 * "the album had sold over 225,000 copies." → "the album has sold over 225,000 copies in the US."
 * "on a best-of emo songs list" → "on a list of the best emo songs"
 * Target Vulture to Vulture.com per MOS:LINK2SECT

Track listing

 * Are you sure it is not known who produced each one of the tracks?

Personnel

 * Personnel per booklet,[15] except where noted. → Personnel per booklet.[15] since the sources make it clear that info is taken from them
 * Target Shaun Cooper to Shaun Cooper (musician)
 * Remove wikilink on Will Noon

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until the issues are fixed, which should not take too long since I did notice that you have some good writing skills! --K. Peake 13:48, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Done! Yeepsi (talk) 14:06, 7 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the late response, I did not know you had completed what I proposed because I wasn't mentioned and had been busy elsewhere on this site. ✅! --K. Peake 08:23, 13 October 2020 (UTC)