Talk:Sugar (Brockhampton song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)

My first review for you in a decent amount of time! --K. Peake 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead
✅
 * WP:OVERLINK of Dua Lipa under songwriters
 * Add a comma after fifth studio album
 * Move the mention of the song's guest vocals to being the second sentence of the lead instead
 * "The song was written by" → "It was written by"
 * "Romil Hemnani and Chuks Chiejine, while it was produced by" → "Romil Hemnani, and Chuks Chiejine, while production was handled by"
 * "November 19, 2019 as the album's fifth single before" → "November 19, 2019, as the album's fifth single, before"
 * "on December 13, 2019 through" → "on December 13, through"
 * "Musically, "Sugar" is a" → "It is a"
 * "pop and R&B slow jam driven" → "pop, and R&B slow jam, driven"
 * Wikilink acoustic guitar
 * Pipe loop to Loop (music)
 * "the lyrics have themes of" → "Lyrically, the themes include" starting this a new sentence per my earlier comment about moving guest vocals
 * "codependency and the stress of" → "codependency, and the stress of"
 * "was met with positive reviews from" → "received positive reviews from"
 * "production as well as" → "production, as well as"
 * The commercial performance stats should come before the TikTok info that caused it
 * Remove social media platform introduction to TikTok because that being in the body is sufficient
 * "the US Billboard Hot 100 while charting" → "the US Billboard Hot 100, while charting"
 * "Ireland and New Zealand." → "Ireland, and New Zealand."
 * "The song was awarded a" → "It was awarded a"
 * "the US as well as" → "the US by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), as well as" with the wikilink, also add the names of the other organizations that awarded certifications
 * "It was complimented by" → "The video was complimented by"
 * Mention at least one of the live performances in the lead
 * Add commas around featuring English singer Dua Lipa
 * "vocal contributions from Lipa and Jon B. as well as" → "additional vocals from Lipa and Jon B., as well as"
 * "Usher Raymond and William Wood" → "Usher Raymond, and William Wood"
 * Pipe sample to Sampling (music)
 * Remove release year of the Usher song and the fact it is a single since this is not notable for the lead
 * "first verse before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout while" → "first verse, before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout, while"
 * "her vocals with the band." → "her vocals with Brockhampton."
 * "for its pairing of" → "for the pairing of" and use a more appropriate term for how the collaborators sound rather than "nice"

Writing and recording
✅
 * Remove commas around Iridescence
 * "debut the album lacked" → "debut, the album lacked"
 * "They attempted to go back to their roots where" → "Brockhampton attempted to go back to their roots, where"
 * Ref(s) should be invoked at the end of any sentences that have direct quotations
 * "referred to by Romil Hemnani" → "referred to by band member Romil Hemnani in retrospect"
 * "but the band ended up putting off" → "though ultimately abandoned"
 * "After the group invited" → "After Brockhampton invited"
 * Remove overly obvious wikilink on the English capital London per WP:OVERLINK
 * "on the guitar before Manwa" → "on the guitar, before Manwa"
 * "moved to the keys and bass before the latter played" → "moved to the keys, bass, and chords, prior to the latter playing" with the pipes
 * "At first it was just his" → "At first, the song consisted of his"
 * Pipe pitch to Pitch (music)
 * "and "Boy Bye" were" → "and "Boy Bye", was"
 * "day it started getting mixed." → "day, its mixing process began." with the pipe
 * "as well as the addition of" → "and the addition of"
 * Pipe hook to Hook (music)
 * "Manwa and McLennon all threw in ideas," → "Manwa, and McLennon all put ideas forward,"
 * "Hemnani and Chiejine, with production by" → "Hemnani, and Chiejine, with production being handled by"
 * Add a comma after New York City
 * Add a comma before William Wood

Music and lyrics
✅
 * Add a comma after pop on the audio sample text
 * Wikilink acoustic guitar and pipe looped to Loop (music) on the text
 * [8] should not be after the influences because that already appears later on in this sentence
 * Add a comma after pop
 * "slow jam[8][11][12][13] with" → "slow jam,[8][11][12][13] with"
 * Wikilink acoustic guitar
 * Pipe loop to Loop (music)
 * "shingles of synths" → "shingles of synths," with the pipe
 * Pipe groove to Groove (music)
 * "to a crush saying" → "to a crush, saying"
 * "The group sings rhythmic lyrics" → "Brockhampton sings rhythmic lyrics"
 * "keep it hip hop with" → "keep it hip hop, with"
 * Wikilink vocoder
 * Wikilink pre-chorus per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * A full-stop is not needed after the closing line since the question mark works as grammar to close the sentence
 * "and Jon B as well as" → "and Jon B., as well as"
 * "on the first verse" → "on the first verse,"
 * "nobody help" before" → "nobody help", before"
 * Pipe backing vocals to Backing vocalist
 * "longing and devotion while" → "longing, and devotion, while"
 * "Jon B sings with" → "Jon B. sings with"
 * "remains the same while" → "remains the same, while"
 * "outro repeating "I'm" → "outro repeating: "I'm" plus place punctuation inside speech marks per MOS:QUOTE on full sentences
 * Why is [31] invoked at the end of the sentence when it does not source anything there?

Release and promotion
✅
 * "on August 23, 2019 as" → "on August 23, 2019, as"
 * "in June 2019 resulting in the band" → "in June 2019, resulting in them"
 * "on November 7, 2019 as" → "on November 7, 2019, as" and mention the labels that it impacted through
 * "on December 13." → "on December 13, 2019."
 * "and Apple Music as well as" → "and Apple Music, as well as"
 * Pipe radio airplay to Airplay
 * "on March 13 before being" → "on March 13, 2020, five days before being"

Critical reception

 * Retitle to Reception per rankings and remix reviews
 * HypeBeast → Hypebeast
 * "Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx" → "Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx,"
 * per Wikipedia_talk:Manual_of_Style/Text_formatting/Archive_4. LOVI  33  04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
 * Alright, thanks for pointing that out. --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

✅
 * "and sweet" while also" → "and sweet", while also"
 * "darkness of the preceding" track" → "darkness" of the previous album track"
 * Remove the comment about the band accomplishing their goal per lack of relevancy to the song
 * "of the group's "most boy band-esque tracks" while" → "of Brockhampton's "most boy band-esque tracks", whereas"
 * "number" while comparing it to" → "number", drawing comparisons to"
 * "shows growth for the band" → "shows growth for Brockhampton"
 * "the band leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies" while" → "Brockhampton leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies", while"
 * "hook we're reminiscent of a" → "hook are reminiscent of a"
 * "song while mentioning that" → "song, alongside mentioning that" to avoid overusage of while
 * "summer" as well as" → "summer", as well as"
 * Start a new para for the rankings since they need to be separated from actual reviews, also merge the reviews up to Los Angeles Times with the above para in this context
 * "of 2019 with writer Dee Lockett noting that" → "of 2019; writer Dee Lockett noted that"
 * "Lipa's performance saying" → "Lipa's performance, saying"
 * "the rest" of the group." → "the rest" of Brockhampton."
 * Uproxx should not be italicised
 * per above. LOVI  33  04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
 * "even out the track's experience"." → "even out" its experience."
 * Remove wikilink on MTV
 * "immediately" while also" → "immediately", while also"
 * "the "seriously sweet moment" Jon B's" → "the "seriously sweet moment" of Jon B's"
 * Remove pipe on Top 40
 * "vibe" but "adds a few" → "vibe" with "a few"

Commercial performance
✅
 * "chart before entering the US" → "chart, before entering the" adding US before the first chart instead since that is also an American one
 * "of number 31 and 28" → "of numbers 31 and 28"
 * "double platinum certification from" → "double platinum certification by"
 * "on the Canadian Hot 100 before" → "on the Canadian Hot 100, before"
 * "in January 2020 before peaking at" → "in January 2020, a month before peaking at" removing the following month part, obviously
 * "in the UK." → "in the United Kingdom." and mention when it was certified as such
 * "The song was certified gold in Poland by" → "The song was certified gold by" because the country is mentioned at the end of this sentence, also add when it was certified as such
 * Mention when the Portuguese certification was too
 * "certification from the" → "certification by the" and mention the certification date
 * "the following month before" → "the next month, before" to avoid overusage of following
 * Mention the date it was certified by RMNZ

Version 1
✅
 * "MTVU as well as MTV's Times Square billboard before" → "MTVU, as well as MTV's Times Square billboard, before"
 * "and Ways & Means with" → "and Ways & Means, with"
 * Safdie Brothers → Safdie brothers
 * "as co-producers and Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim and" → "as co-producers, alongside Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim, and"
 * "of photography while Nick Lenzini did" → "of photography, while Nick Lenzini handled"
 * Pipe VFX to Visual effects
 * "Frender and Max Colt and animation" → "Frender and Max Colt, and animation" with the wikilink
 * Img looks good!
 * Wikilink the California Raisins
 * "screams before McLennon and" → "screams, before McLennon and"
 * "with the slime dripping onto the other members' as well as" → "which drips onto the other members', and"
 * "with the video while also" → "with the video, while also"
 * "Claire Shaffer called the video "zany" and the group's" → "Shaffer called the video "zany" and possibly Brockhampton's"
 * "while also stating" → "alongside stating that"
 * Add release year(s) of the films
 * "four-minute ride" while" → "four-minute ride", wheras"

Version 2
✅
 * Img looks good!
 * "iPhone shots and editing" → "iPhone shots, and editing"
 * "The Digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann while" → "The digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann, while"
 * "was created as the group" → "was created because Brockhampton"
 * "the group and Ryan Beatty" → "the band and Beatty"
 * "props including a revolving mirror as well as a ladder and chairs." → "props, including a revolving mirror, ladder, and chairs."
 * "Bearface's comes to the shoot, just out of" → "Bearface comes to the shoot having just got out of"
 * "hair while Abstract wears" → "hair, while Abstract wears"
 * Pipe MySpace to Myspace
 * "and the video closing with the mirror getting" → "and the mirror getting"
 * Remove pipe on Billboard and mention the name of the writer

Live performances
✅
 * Remove wikilink on Los Angeles
 * The performance being their Ellen debut is not sourced
 * Fixed. LOVI  33  05:09, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
 * "while the group sat down on" → "while the band sat down on"
 * "on the setlist of the group's" → "on the setlist of their"
 * "Beatty joined the group" → "Beatty joined Brockhampton"

Track listings

 * Add the appropriate sources for the track listings
 * "Sugar" (remix) → "Sugar" (Remix)
 * per MOS:MUSICCAPS
 * per MOS:MUSICCAPS

Personnel
✅
 * Add a source for this per no album liner notes
 * For Brandon Bost and Matthew Scatchell, shouldn't the original version credits be before remix?
 * I put the remix first so that it is explicit that they had different duties on the remix for the note. LOVI  33  05:12, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

Charts

 * Good

Certifications

 * Good

Release history
✅
 * Pipe Sony to Sony Music

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed; good job on this! --K. Peake 09:20, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review . All the issues have been addressed. LOVI  33  05:21, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, good job on this and I did some brief copy editing where I had not found certain issues initially! --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)