Talk:Summer Mortimer/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: LauraHale (talk · contribs) 05:21, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Criteria
 Good Article Status - Review Criteria   		A good article is&mdash;  :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

:
 * (a) ;
 * (b) ; and
 * (c).

:
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

. . :
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).



Review
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 * (a) I've tried to fix the mural reference, but I'm not attached to keeping it. Is the "joke" reference clearer with the edits I've made? It's able-bodied swimmers (presumably in Canada) that she's heard suggest this. --  Zanimum (talk) 01:11, 17 October 2012 (UTC)
 * (b) Moved the link to the talk page.
 * I'll work on the lead and articles starting with her last name tomorrow.
 * As for personal section, I'm a little stymied by the fact that there's zilch out there about her life pre-accident. I wanted to include info on her able-bodied swimming, seeing that she was in the Olympic trials, there should be something about her results. But her parents, when they were in contact, weren't able to offer any help to that aspect. I haven't tried Swimming Canada, to see if they can provide names of top tournaments, results, but they couldn't. Google lets you narrow web search results by date, and there's only false positives for the year range in which she would have been competing, pre-parasport. --  Zanimum (talk) 01:11, 17 October 2012 (UTC)


 * I've looked at the media guide for the Canadian Paralympic Committee and they don't have much either. If it isn't there, you can't write about it.  Not a problem with GA.  If there was information, it should be there. I'd make some wording changes (provided wording is supported by sources) like "She enjoys painting murals, and submitted two acrylic paintings for the Talent Supporting Talent Canadian Athlete Art Exhibit, a fundraiser at the Jane Roos Gallery, Toronto."  I'd put the paragraph in "She spent six months in a" into the previous paragraph, work on fixing sentences so they don't all start with Her.
 * "Mortimer listens to music on an MP3 player before meets; she listens to any music, other than hardcore punk, particular upbeat songs.[31] She uses SpiderTech tape and liquid tape.[31]" If the music ties into pre-race rituals, I would move to the swimming sections.  Ditto what she uses.  Otherwise, this comes off as trivial.  In fact, I'd likely remove the liquid tape section unless she has sponsorship from them.--LauraHale (talk) 01:00, 18 October 2012 (UTC)


 * Little by little, random facts keep showing up in new (otherwise predictable) articles. Hopefully, something about her earlier swimming accomplishments. I've taken a different route for reformatting the info about her art. How's that look? I've done a bunch of editing to various sentences, to move her name away from the start and generally reformat. One major change was taking the 2012 London team efforts and placing them at the end of the section, as I feel there's a clear common thread that outweighs the benefits of being chronological.
 * Seeing that the MP3 thing is likely fairly common, I've nixed it. I've also cut the SpiderTech bit, as suggested. --  Zanimum (talk) 00:43, 19 October 2012 (UTC)

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 * Fixed (a), I had been delaying, knowing that it takes a while until anyone starts a GAN review, but I then completely forgot to cleanup. --  Zanimum (talk) 00:51, 17 October 2012 (UTC)

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 * (a) I've merged two short paragraphs in that section to make one... does that highlight the qualification more? It is weird that she had two national-level tournaments after she qualified, but I suppose that's good for the athletes, to have significant advance notice. Qualification was in April, the others in July. --  Zanimum (talk) 01:42, 17 October 2012 (UTC)
 * (b) Sorry, that MP3 sentence was lacking the fact that she listens pre-swim... I included it in that section as it was a swimming-related practice. Is it less distracting in personal life? I'm not attached to it. I'm more interested in the Spidertech bit, as it's a Canadian invention, and while many Olympic athletes seem to be using it, it does relate to her disability. --  Zanimum (talk) 00:51, 17 October 2012 (UTC)

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 * How's the caption for the second image look now? --  Zanimum (talk) 13:26, 12 October 2012 (UTC)
 * That's better. :) --LauraHale (talk) 22:12, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Anything remaining? I may have a bit of time tomorrow during the day (North American Eastern Time), otherwise I'll be back Saturday to work on things further. -- Zanimum (talk) 00:45, 19 October 2012 (UTC)

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Discussion
Randomly, I still need to do a plagiarism check on this article. Will wait for the above issues to be addressed before doing that. --LauraHale (talk) 05:41, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Passing
I've read the comments, looked at the text and all concerns have been addressed. Checked against criteria again to make sure I hadn't not looked at a category (and looked at last night despite not commenting but before going to bed). Looks good.--LauraHale (talk) 21:10, 21 October 2012 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much, Laura! --  Zanimum (talk) 19:12, 23 October 2012 (UTC)