Talk:Sunshine Life for Me (Sail Away Raymond)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MarioSoulTruthFan (talk · contribs) 10:35, 30 September 2016 (UTC)

I'll be review your GA nomiation. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 10:35, 30 September 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

 * Use flatlist in the genre field.
 * Actually, that's not necessary. Although Template:Infobox song offers little, there is an instruction to refer to Template:Infobox single for further guidelines. There (in the note under Genre), it allows for commas when the list has only two or three items. JG66 (talk) 14:43, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Ok. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:00, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "Folk rock" → You should switch this for "folk" since Ringo never stated "folk rock" in the translated quote, if there is another review stating such then you can leave it.
 * Not sure what you mean by "the translated quote", nor any quote attributed to Starr. But yes, under Release & Reception, Ian Inglis does use the term folk rock. JG66 (talk) 14:43, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * I missed that quote since its "folk-rock" and not "folk rock", but it's good. I'm sorry. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:00, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅

Lead

 * "song by English musician Ringo Starr from his 1973 solo album Ringo." → song recorded by English musician Ringo Starr for his 1973 solo album Ringo.
 * Well, "a song by … from his/their album …" is the wording I've been advised to use by one or two reviewers in the past. The rationale being, it outlines the context for the subject of the article in unambiguous terms – in other words (and surely, this is most important in the very first sentence of the Lead section), it avoids the possibility that Ringo Starr might have recorded the song for Ringo but not included the track on the album. JG66 (talk) 15:11, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * It is cristal clear that he recorded the song to include in the album. "Harrison offered "Sunshine Life for Me" to Starr for inclusion on the latter's first rock solo album, Ringo." What you are saying its true, but this is just not the case. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:10, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Reworded to "… that appears on his 1973 solo album Ringo". How's that?


 * "his former bandmate in the Beatles" → Ringo's former bandmate in the Beatles.
 * Done (but "Starr" rather than Ringo). JG66 (talk) 15:11, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "espouses an escape from modern" → espouses an escape from the modern.
 * I'm sorry but I believe that would be incorrect. "The modern life" just reads like poor English. JG66 (talk) 15:11, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * music critics → link to music journalism.
 * Done. JG66 (talk) 15:11, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * More recently → It should be a more concise period of time. ex: "More recently, in the early 2000's,..."
 * Have just reworded the point. I think it's better to just refer to retrospective reviews instead. JG66 (talk) 15:11, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Well done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:10, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅
 * "Author Simon Leng" → see below.

Background and inspiration

 * "In his discussion of the song in his autobiography" → While discussion the song in his autobiography (too many his, sentence looked weird).
 * Yes, thanks – much better. JG66 (talk) 15:16, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * Use.
 * Done, and throughout the article also. (What a lot of fun that was!) JG66 (talk) 15:16, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅

Composition

 * Link "E" and "E major"
 * I've linked E as the song's key but I don't believe there's anything I can link to for the chord. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * It's the same chord, so it's fine.


 * "Author Simon Leng" → Author of what? Who is he? Did he reviewed the song? A biographer? Just a little bit more information regarding him.
 * I have to disagree (and for all other examples you raise below). I can't find the link I want, but I know I've read a guideline saying we should avoid such details and stick with "author", and that readers can follow the citation to its source, and see there whether, say, the book is a biography or a more general work. WP:INTEXT says "It is preferable not to clutter articles with information best left to the references. Interested readers can click on the ref to find out the publishing journal". That's not the guideline I'm thinking of, admittedly, and it's related to a slightly different issue, but it does touch on what I've read elsewhere. Not only that but I've seen so many FAs and GAs where "author" appears throughout. (Take Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, starting at the Concept and inspiration section.) My concern is that the inclusion each time of "Harrison/Beatles biographer" or "author of a book on the former Beatles as solo artists" will just clutter up the text and make for some unduly long sentences. It would certainly lead to some further rewording, to avoid so many extra mentions of Harrison, Starr, Beatles, etc. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * You just have to mention it once in the article, not every time, for instance "Author of one the Beatles biography, Simon Leng, describes it as..." in the others you can just say "Author Simon Leng..." MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:16, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Done, throughout. JG66 (talk) 02:50, 3 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "over November–December 1968" → in the last two months of 1968.
 * Have just simplified it to "late 1968". JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "following the completion of the Beatles' White Album, the Band's focus on traditional song..." → these two sentences don't flow very well.
 * Okay, I've reworded it, but may well revisit the sentence … JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * As I see it right now it's fine the amendment you made. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:17, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "Authors" seems to much of a generalist term. Biographers perhaps?
 * "Another Harrison biographer, Dale Allison" → So is Leng also biographer? If so should be stated earlier.
 * Have reworded to say "theologian". JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅

Recording

 * "and his" → and in his
 * Done. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * "through to July 1973" → when they started? It's missing something there.
 * Yes, I see what you mean. I've added the start date. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * You can remove the "to", it's doing nothing in there. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:34, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Removed "through" instead.

✅

Release and reception

 * Among more recent critiques → as mentioned in the lead.
 * Again, I've gone for "retrospective". I really don't think anything else is needed, it'll just clutter up the sentence in both cases. All that's important, I believe, is for us to differentiate between contemporary reviews and retrospective critiques. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅
 * Authors such as Michael Frontani, Chip Madinger and Mark Easter need more information about what and to whom they are writing. This issued has appeared before.
 * Use.

Personnel

 * Use.
 * Use two columns.
 * There's no MoS style guide for songs per se, of course, so we use the Album Style Guide where applicable. But the instruction there (at MOS:ALBUM) is to divide into columns if the Personnel list comprises over twenty items. JG66 (talk) 17:59, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * Fine then. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:22, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

✅

Overall GA review

 * Please do not make any changes until I say so. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:53, 30 September 2016 (UTC)
 * I wonder if the song was never performed live or even sung in a tour?
 * I don't believe it ever has been, but I don't have a source that explicitly says as much. As a reader, I'd just assume that no mention of a live performance of the song means there hasn't been one, or certainly not a performance that's particularly notable. JG66 (talk) 03:17, 3 October 2016 (UTC)


 * Fantastic job! On hold for seven days. Ping me when you are done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:19, 2 October 2016 (UTC)
 * I left you some notes in some sections. In order to make it easier the ones with ✅ don't need to be addressed only the others. I also left you a question here that you haven't answered, yet. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:35, 2 October 2016 (UTC)


 * Thanks very much for the review, and your patience. JG66 (talk) 01:11, 4 October 2016 (UTC)