Talk:Super Bowl LI halftime show/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 09:11, 18 April 2019 (UTC)

Lead

 * on February 5, 2017, at NRG Stadium → no need for the second comma
 * Lady Gaga headlined the show → comma after "show"
 * Release year for "Joanne" in brackets
 * I would rather say "unfruitful" for "unproductive"
 * rehearsing the show → rehearsing for the show
 * jumpsuit for the singer. Designers Bruce Rodgers → jumpsuit for the singer, while designers Bruce Rodgers (for a better flow)
 * Some argued it ranked among the top → Some argued it was one of the top
 * became her 14th top-ten single → consequently became her 14th top-ten single (to make it clear it was due to the Super Bowl)

Infobox

 * Nothing wrong here

Synopsis

 * and started singing "Poker Face" → and performed "Poker Face" (to avoid word repetition)
 * and sang "Just Dance" → and performed "Just Dance"
 * singing "Million Reasons". The audience present → singing "Million Reasons"; the audience present (for better flow)
 * Please include the release year for every single in brackets

Background

 * Comma after "August 2016"
 * The NFL explained → Soon after, the NFL explained (for a better flow)
 * comma after "meantime"
 * of the show, John Entz, confirmed Gaga's involvement. He added → of the show, John Entz, also confirmed Gaga's involvement, and added
 * Pepsi sports marketing director → shouldn't it be "Pepsi's sports marketing director"
 * Pepsi sponsored the halftime show for the fifth-consecutive year. → You mention that Pepsi Zero Sugar sponsored the show earlier; isn't this the same?

Conception

 * Gaga told Entertainment Weekly she wanted to give → Gaga told Entertainment Weekly that she wanted to give
 * that to win fans had → comma after "win"
 * 15–60 second → 15–60-second
 * Link "Twitter"
 * her plan to sing atop the dome → her plan to sing from atop the dome

Rehearsals

 * as well as her concert tours → as well as during her concert tours
 * the main challenge was how to make the halftime performance different from the preceding years but keep it still about the music → the main challenge was to make the halftime performance different from the preceding years but to still keep it about the music
 * Choreographer Richy Jackson was shown in the middle of a session with the dancers, displaying the characteristic moves from the song, "Bad Romance" (2009) → It's unclear what you mean here; was a teaser shown somewhere, or...?
 * Unlink "Bad Romance" and remove the release year in brackets

Fashion

 * Gaga wore simple outfits → Gaga began wearing simple outfits
 * much speculation → several speculation
 * iridescent colored → iridescent-colored
 * with high shoulder pads → along with high shoulder pads
 * body suit → bodysuit
 * aiding Gaga's mobility → aiding to Gaga's mobility
 * It consisted of silver hot pants with sequins, with a football shoulder-pad like jacket → It consisted of sequined silver hot pants and a football shoulder-pad-like jacket.
 * Billboard deemed both the outfits → Were those two outfits? Then it should be "both outfits"
 * comma before "adding"
 * while playing the keytar, . → syntax issues
 * Gaga'sh longtime → issue

Multimedia

 * creators of previous Super Bowl halftime stages → the creators of previous Super Bowl halftime stages
 * Link "Nashville"
 * with the music being played → no need for the "being"

Drones

 * The "See also" is kind of redundant here since you mention and link it
 * but never encountered the appropriate technology until Intel's drones → the "until Intel's drones" can be removed since it's self-explainatory
 * out to Intel representatives and told them he wanted to use their drone technology for a "large TV show in February. I can't give you money, but I can give you exposure." Knowing that the Super Bowl would expose their technology to over 110 million television sets across the country, Intel agreed → out to Intel representatives and communicated that he wanted to use their drone technology for a "large TV show in February. I can't give you money, but I can give you exposure"; Intel agreed (no need for the unnecessary details)
 * segment for the opening with Gaga singing atop the roof → segment for the opening, with Gaga singing from atop the roof
 * were about 1 foot (0.30 m) square → which were about 1 foot (0.30 m) square
 * Link "wirelessly"
 * Link "GPS"

Critical response

 * considered the show Gaga's comeback → considered the show to be Gaga's comeback
 * "critically acclaimed" is not quite right here since there were also some critics; change to "received generally positive response" here and in the lead
 * Link "queer"
 * Land viewed the singer's opening performance was a subtle → Land viewed the singer's opening performance as a subtle
 * Gaga referred to Trump's policies on immigration → Gaga referred to Trump's policies on immigration according to the writer
 * —the most by any halftime show—[47 → the ref should follow directly after "show"

Commercial reception

 * most tweeted about → most tweeted-about
 * was the second most-tweeted → was the second most tweeted-about
 * with Joanne selling over 12,000 copies → comma before "with"
 * 14.8 million stations and her songs received 2.5 billion spins → 14.8 million stations; her songs received 2.5 billion spins
 * which dropped off the chart the previous week → which had dropped off the chart the previous week
 * becoming Gaga's 14th top-ten single → comma before "becoming"
 * with Joanne rising from number 66–2 → simplify to: "with Joanne rising 66–2"
 * aulted from number 54–2 → same as above
 * Unlink "The Fame"
 * the former moved from number 88–11
 * the former moved → say "Joanne" to avoid confusion
 * No need for an extra fourth paragraph; combine it with the third one

Set list

 * Fixed by myself

Personnel

 * Credits and personnel adapted from the listing available at Live Design website → simplify: "Credits and personnel adapted from Live Design"

Other things

 * 37.1% is (still) very good for copyviolation
 * No disambiguation links
 * No dead links
 * As far as I checked them, the references do back up the assertions made in this article

Outcome

 * — a very interesting article that needs some fixes before passed to GA status. Let me know if you're needing extra time over the 7-day period. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 08:45, 21 April 2019 (UTC)
 * Pinging and . It's been over a month since this review was conducted. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 13:17, 26 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Note it's been for over a month on hold now. You'll have to start working on it or otherwise I will sadly have to fail this. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 20:00, 27 May 2019 (UTC)
 * Failing due to inactivity. Cartoon network freak (talk) 04:59, 31 May 2019 (UTC)